Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Man Shows Wife How To Close The 8,537 Browser Tabs She Has Open
BabylonBee.com ^ | 4-18-2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 04/19/2022 10:50:56 AM PDT by servo1969

ELKO, NV--Experiencing a moment of incredible grace and patience, local husband Clarence McTwombly sat his wife down and gently showed her how it was actually possible to close the 8,537 unused browser tabs on her mobile phone.

"See honey, that 'X' in the upper right corner allows you to close that tab you are no longer using," said Clarence to his wife, Clarice, as she nodded along while not really listening because she saw a tab showing a swimsuit she had been looking at a few months ago, but was now probably ready to buy. "All you need to do is is tap that 'X' with your finger, and it's gone. Simple as an oil change."

Showing some confusion, Clarice asked what on earth the purpose would be in closing any of the browser tabs, especially since she may need to pull up the content of any of those tabs at any time, because, really, you just never know.

With boundless love and longsuffering, Clarence answered her question by scrolling to some of her earlier browser tabs--a task that took over 40 minutes--and showed her that the 17 tabs related to finding coupons on baby formula may not be important anymore as their youngest child was now in college.

At publishing time, Clarice, also filled with overwhelming charity and patience, led her husband to the closet to show him how to throw away his 141 old, disintegrated t-shirts.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylon; babylonbee; browser; satire; tab
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061-62 next last

1 posted on 04/19/2022 10:50:56 AM PDT by servo1969
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: servo1969

Never, ever touch my disintegrating t-shirts!


2 posted on 04/19/2022 10:52:53 AM PDT by shotgun
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: servo1969

Does she know how to flush the toilet?
He may have already taught her that.


3 posted on 04/19/2022 10:53:50 AM PDT by Roman_War_Criminal (Jesus + Something = Nothing ; Jesus + Nothing = Everything )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: servo1969

I can relate. On the rare occasion I use my wife’s phone I’ll notice she has around 47 tabs open.


4 posted on 04/19/2022 10:54:29 AM PDT by servo1969
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: servo1969

5 posted on 04/19/2022 10:55:01 AM PDT by DoodleBob (Gravity's waiting period is about 9.8 m/s^2)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: shotgun

I do have a Led Zeppelin concert t-shirt from college, which was 35+ years ago. Needless to say, it doesn’t fit.


6 posted on 04/19/2022 10:55:47 AM PDT by BBQToadRibs2
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: servo1969
" led her husband to the closet to show him how to throw away his 141 old, disintegrated t-shirts."

I'm not seeing the relevance...? If nothing else, these T-shirts can give their final full-measure of devotion as garage mechanic rags...

7 posted on 04/19/2022 10:56:43 AM PDT by Mr. K (No consequence of repealing obamacare is worse than obamacare itself)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: servo1969

That’s not that far off from my personal experience. 😂


8 posted on 04/19/2022 11:00:45 AM PDT by aquila48 (Do not let them make you "care" ! Guilting you is how they control you. )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BBQToadRibs2

It shrunk?.......................


9 posted on 04/19/2022 11:01:43 AM PDT by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: shotgun

Do you remember in the older versions of windows where each instance of software had it’s own task tray icon?

I have to repeatedly instruct certain people (usually older women, sorry) that you have to close software when you are done using it, and you can see how many instances of that software are running by hovering over the task-tray icon (windows 8 and up). Some software only allow a certain number of purchased connections or seats, and the culprits whine that there are no open seats left to connect to. Well, I have to explain, “you are using most of them already. Close your open windows”.

Since I’m ranting, I believe Microsoft buries everything useful. I hate ribbons!

[oldtimervoice] Why back in my day, I remember when you could get to anything by 2 clicks and 2 menu fly-outs! [/oldtimer]


10 posted on 04/19/2022 11:03:28 AM PDT by z3n (Kakistocracy)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: servo1969

Did he show her how to shut the computer off too?


11 posted on 04/19/2022 11:03:44 AM PDT by dynoman (Objectivity is the essence of intelligence. - Marilyn vos Savant)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: servo1969

Hopefully Clarice can operate a garbage disposal.

Unlike some in Congress.

5.56mm


12 posted on 04/19/2022 11:04:13 AM PDT by M Kehoe (Quid Pro Joe and the Ho need to go.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BBQToadRibs2

Most of my old t-shirts don’t fit either. I’ll bet it’s due to the global warming that Al Gore was talking about. What other reason could there be?


13 posted on 04/19/2022 11:05:07 AM PDT by Leaning Right (The steal is real.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: BBQToadRibs2

You could probably get some decent bucks for that on eBay.


14 posted on 04/19/2022 11:06:00 AM PDT by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: BBQToadRibs2; shotgun

Got a rolling stones 1989 steel wheels tour T in VGC.

Also my 1981 Tom Petty Hard Promises tour T is my prized possession as far as RR t-shirts go.....that one is definitely a disintegrating T shirt.


15 posted on 04/19/2022 11:08:02 AM PDT by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Leaning Right

I’ve noticed that about old trousers, too. The inseams stay the same but the waistbands shrink. Dang it, there’s a law of physics involved here.


16 posted on 04/19/2022 11:09:40 AM PDT by Billthedrill
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: V_TWIN

I have my blue Jean jacket from college in ‘66. And I wear it.


17 posted on 04/19/2022 11:10:52 AM PDT by KC Burke (If all the world is a stage, I would like to request my lighting be adjusted.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: servo1969

Lol, just loved the title!!!!


18 posted on 04/19/2022 11:10:58 AM PDT by rlmorel (Democrats running things is termite infestation, and the exterminator won't be here for 3 years.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mr. K
"If nothing else, these T-shirts can give their final full-measure of devotion as garage mechanic rags... "

I've found that buying used bath/hand towels at garage sales work better.

19 posted on 04/19/2022 11:14:16 AM PDT by blam
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: servo1969

I didn’t know that was a lady thing. I currently have about 50 tabs open between two laptops. Maybe I need to rethink my current gender assignment.


20 posted on 04/19/2022 11:15:17 AM PDT by dead (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_vFiUUcBkc)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061-62 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson