Posted on 03/04/2021 6:16:07 PM PST by Ciaphas Cain
ALEXANDRIA, VA—After decades of progressive work for meaningful change, local man Chxd Bxrnx sat down in this new utopia to enjoy some carb-free pancakes with ethnically neutral maple syrup and generic, non-native American-related butter while watching the Washington football team play.
According to sources, progressives have managed to remove all the last vestiges of problematicness from the world. Thanks to their efforts, there are no references to race, ethnicity, or gender in all of culture.
"Man, (and womxn!), this is the life!" said Bxrnx before saying a quick prayer of lament to the Earth for robbing her of her bounty and sitting down to eat. As he dug in, his menstruating life partner read a children's book consisting entirely of the letter "X" to his agender offspring, as the family recently burned all their Dr. Seuss books. His older agender offspring sat in a nearby room playing with a gender-neutral potato head.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Shouldn’t be be providing de-carbonized food?
Not Gluten-Free, but Carbon-Free.
Shouldn’t we be providing de-carbonized food?
Not Gluten-Free, but Carbon-Free.
He could make a tator tot waffle and put some salmon on it like from an earlier thread but I sure there is something wrong with that as per the woke crowd.
“... local man Chxd Bxrnx...”
How DARE you?
How do you KNOW “he” is a “man”? That individual may identify as a woman or one of the other Heinz 57 genders.
Some people like pancakes made of bu’wheat. But I think they are just otay.
The trouble with the Bee is that given the stupidity/gullibility/naivety of the left it is so d*mned believable.
I ate watermelon, fried chicken and strawberry soda while watching the New Zealand Blacks rugby team play.
“Man” did those things? Did they gender the person? That’s literally rape.
Sarcasm.
Even back when I was his age (late 30’s, early 40’s)
I could not have eaten a stack of flapjacks that high.
I’d be saying “I Can’t Breathe!”
I had Chili Relleno pancakes last night and again for breakfast this morning. Cultural appropriation, baby!
It must be a great time to write for the Bee. Like shooting fish in a barrel.
What was the syrup? Ain’t Jemima?
...and dies soon after...
DANG!
Just then, the door opened with a “BANG!” as a large man kicked the door in. He was muscular, with a tight T-shirt on his torso with a American flag on the front. He wore blue jeans and combat boots. His handsome face was sporting a mustache, a toothy grin, and a pair of aviator-style mirrored sunglasses. His hair looked exactly like Donald Trump’s.
In his right hand, he held an AR-15 with a 30-round magazine, and in his left fist, a handful of delicious bacon.
He looked at the poor wretch on the couch and said “I’m Super American Man, and I’ll save you from this Liberal life!”. He then took a large bite of the bacon in his left hand, and as he chewed, from somewhere came blaring “The Stars And Stripes Forever”. He then turned his back to the wretch on the couch, bent over, and let fly the most melodious fart ever heard.
As the aroma of the fart hit the guy on the couch, he suddenly shook his head, like he was waking from sleep. “What am I doing?” he cried, “I’m an American Man! Honey! You’re my awesome American woman! Get our little boy and let’s go out and buy some weapons, some beer, and lots of bacon!”
“That’s the spirit!” said Super American Man. “Just remember...freedom is up to YOU!” With that, he turned and sprinted out the door. The newly-liberated man and his wife ran to the door, in time to see the man hop aboard his Harley-Davidson and roar off down the street.
(Hey...if the Bee can do satire, so can I.)
The picture is inherently racist. White guy, white shirt, white sofa, white walls.
This is just what we need to take the place of Dr Seuss.
“White guy, white shirt, white sofa, white walls.”
Ain’t it great? It neutralizes a little bit every blessed ad we see oozing diversity to the point of freak show status. I swear I haven’t seen blue eyes in an ad in I don’t know how long, and rarely see blonde hair.
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