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Trump Installs Ejection Seats Throughout Press Briefing Room
The Babylon Bee ^
| April 7 2020
| The Babylon Bee
Posted on 04/07/2020 7:03:26 PM PDT by xp38
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump excitedly unveiled his latest improvements to the White House Press Briefing Room at Monday night's press conference: ejection seats.
Controlled by a panel on Trump's podium, the ejection seats allow him to instantly send any White House reporter on a free trip to somewhere a few hundred yards down Pennsylvania Avenue. Any journalist parroting Chinese propaganda, insulting the president, or asking a question without referring to Trump as "His Majesty Donald Trump May He Live Forever" is likely to get a free flight courtesy of the White House.
"Mr. President, why do you hate AmericaaaaaaaaAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" screamed one reporter as Trump solemnly pressed a button and sent her rocketing through the roof. Stunned journalists stared in shock at their colleague soaring hundreds of feet into the air. They were speechless, which was a "welcome change" according to sources.
Jim Acosta tried to chime in next, but Trump had already pushed his button before he got any words out. "Looks like Jim Acosta's blasting off agaaaaaaaaain!!!!" the CNN reporter cried as he disappeared in a little twinkle in the sky.
"Anyone else?" Trump asked quietly, looking around the room but not seeing any hands go up. "Great. Then we'll end this shindig early. Tremendous job out there, today, journalists. You're all American heroes."
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; ejectionseats; parody; trebuchet; trump
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To: xp38
What should happen is that, when he pushes a button, a trap door opens from under the reporter and he gets dumped into a shark-infested pool.
21
posted on
04/07/2020 7:52:19 PM PDT
by
RAldrich
To: xp38
22
posted on
04/07/2020 8:02:17 PM PDT
by
crz
To: xp38
23
posted on
04/07/2020 8:05:17 PM PDT
by
TChad
(The MSM, having nuked its own credibility, is now bombing the rubble.)
To: xp38
24
posted on
04/07/2020 8:06:18 PM PDT
by
Jane Long
(Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow.)
To: xp38
"PULL!"
25
posted on
04/07/2020 8:06:44 PM PDT
by
dfwgator
(Endut! Hoch Hech!)
To: xp38
What’s your favorite color? Green. No, blue. Ahhhhhhhhh!
26
posted on
04/07/2020 8:32:31 PM PDT
by
OrioleFan
(Republicans believe every day is July 4th, Democrats believe every day is April 15th.for corruptiion)
To: KarlInOhio
“Parachutes are only anecdotally effective due to the lack of significant double blind testing”
Good one!(LOL)
STE-Q
27
posted on
04/07/2020 8:39:18 PM PDT
by
STE=Q
("Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel"... Socrates)
To: RAldrich
With frickin’ lasers on their heads.
28
posted on
04/07/2020 8:42:30 PM PDT
by
gogeo
(The left prides themselves on being tolerant, but they can't even be civil.)
To: Whenifhow; null and void; aragorn; EnigmaticAnomaly; kalee; Kale; AZ .44 MAG; Baynative; bgill; ...
29
posted on
04/07/2020 9:28:12 PM PDT
by
bitt
(Hell hath no fury like a scorned patriot.)
To: xp38
LOL at this humor. If only it were true.
30
posted on
04/07/2020 9:30:31 PM PDT
by
Salvation
("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
To: xp38
It’s in the basement, so the ride will be short and the stop rather sudden. Which I would be Ok with.
To: xp38
I think Trump should sign an executive order denying hydroxychloroquine treatments to members of the media since they are so opposed to it. Let’s see if they’d change their tune after that.
32
posted on
04/07/2020 9:40:31 PM PDT
by
OrangeHoof
(The Democrats - Unafraid to burn in Hell.)
To: xp38
I would prefer pits underneath with piranaha...........
33
posted on
04/07/2020 10:18:11 PM PDT
by
doorgunner69
(Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading - T Jefferson)
To: TChad
34
posted on
04/07/2020 10:58:48 PM PDT
by
freebird5850
(Trust Republicans Under My Presindency)
To: xp38
I’d like to help push a button or two.
35
posted on
04/08/2020 12:53:01 AM PDT
by
KittyKares
(Drain the Swamp)
To: xp38
36
posted on
04/08/2020 2:57:53 AM PDT
by
Delta 21
(Be strong & prosper, be weak & die! Stay true.... ~~ Donald J. Trump)
To: xp38
”One of these days, Acosta – Pow! Right in the kisser!”
37
posted on
04/08/2020 3:05:05 AM PDT
by
Hot Tabasco
(How did I survive the Swine flu and the killer flu of 2017-18 without govt. help?)
To: Hot Tabasco
Bang Zoom....to the Moon!
38
posted on
04/08/2020 3:19:13 AM PDT
by
xp38
To: xp38
BB has been on top of their game lately
39
posted on
04/08/2020 3:43:25 AM PDT
by
gattaca
("Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Reagan)
To: JohnBrowdie
I was thinking along the same lines. Press seating on "Judas Cradles"
40
posted on
04/08/2020 4:54:45 AM PDT
by
LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget
(Our parents/grandparents were called to war. We have been called to sit on the couch. We got this!!)
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