WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump excitedly unveiled his latest improvements to the White House Press Briefing Room at Monday night's press conference: ejection seats. Controlled by a panel on Trump's podium, the ejection seats allow him to instantly send any White House reporter on a free trip to somewhere a few hundred yards down Pennsylvania Avenue. Any journalist parroting Chinese propaganda, insulting the president, or asking a question without referring to Trump as "His Majesty Donald Trump May He Live Forever" is likely to get a free flight courtesy of the White House. "Mr. President, why do you hate AmericaaaaaaaaAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" screamed one reporter...