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Trump Installs Ejection Seats Throughout Press Briefing Room
The Babylon Bee ^ | April 7 2020 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 04/07/2020 7:03:26 PM PDT by xp38

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump excitedly unveiled his latest improvements to the White House Press Briefing Room at Monday night's press conference: ejection seats.

Controlled by a panel on Trump's podium, the ejection seats allow him to instantly send any White House reporter on a free trip to somewhere a few hundred yards down Pennsylvania Avenue. Any journalist parroting Chinese propaganda, insulting the president, or asking a question without referring to Trump as "His Majesty Donald Trump May He Live Forever" is likely to get a free flight courtesy of the White House.

"Mr. President, why do you hate AmericaaaaaaaaAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" screamed one reporter as Trump solemnly pressed a button and sent her rocketing through the roof. Stunned journalists stared in shock at their colleague soaring hundreds of feet into the air. They were speechless, which was a "welcome change" according to sources.

Jim Acosta tried to chime in next, but Trump had already pushed his button before he got any words out. "Looks like Jim Acosta's blasting off agaaaaaaaaain!!!!" the CNN reporter cried as he disappeared in a little twinkle in the sky.

"Anyone else?" Trump asked quietly, looking around the room but not seeing any hands go up. "Great. Then we'll end this shindig early. Tremendous job out there, today, journalists. You're all American heroes."


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; ejectionseats; parody; trebuchet; trump
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To: xp38

What should happen is that, when he pushes a button, a trap door opens from under the reporter and he gets dumped into a shark-infested pool.


21 posted on 04/07/2020 7:52:19 PM PDT by RAldrich
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To: xp38

Here, this is cheaper and more fun. The junk yards got tone of these.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGJTwlCTVlU


22 posted on 04/07/2020 8:02:17 PM PDT by crz
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To: xp38

23 posted on 04/07/2020 8:05:17 PM PDT by TChad (The MSM, having nuked its own credibility, is now bombing the rubble.)
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To: xp38

LOL....perfect!


24 posted on 04/07/2020 8:06:18 PM PDT by Jane Long (Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow.)
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To: xp38
"PULL!"


25 posted on 04/07/2020 8:06:44 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: xp38

What’s your favorite color? Green. No, blue. Ahhhhhhhhh!


26 posted on 04/07/2020 8:32:31 PM PDT by OrioleFan (Republicans believe every day is July 4th, Democrats believe every day is April 15th.for corruptiion)
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To: KarlInOhio

“Parachutes are only anecdotally effective due to the lack of significant double blind testing”


Good one!(LOL)

STE-Q


27 posted on 04/07/2020 8:39:18 PM PDT by STE=Q ("Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel"... Socrates)
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To: RAldrich

With frickin’ lasers on their heads.


28 posted on 04/07/2020 8:42:30 PM PDT by gogeo (The left prides themselves on being tolerant, but they can't even be civil.)
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To: Whenifhow; null and void; aragorn; EnigmaticAnomaly; kalee; Kale; AZ .44 MAG; Baynative; bgill; ...

p


29 posted on 04/07/2020 9:28:12 PM PDT by bitt (Hell hath no fury like a scorned patriot.)
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To: xp38

LOL at this humor. If only it were true.


30 posted on 04/07/2020 9:30:31 PM PDT by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: xp38

It’s in the basement, so the ride will be short and the stop rather sudden. Which I would be Ok with.


31 posted on 04/07/2020 9:33:38 PM PDT by chickenlips
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To: xp38

I think Trump should sign an executive order denying hydroxychloroquine treatments to members of the media since they are so opposed to it. Let’s see if they’d change their tune after that.


32 posted on 04/07/2020 9:40:31 PM PDT by OrangeHoof (The Democrats - Unafraid to burn in Hell.)
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To: xp38

I would prefer pits underneath with piranaha...........


33 posted on 04/07/2020 10:18:11 PM PDT by doorgunner69 (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading - T Jefferson)
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To: TChad

Well played! Winner!


34 posted on 04/07/2020 10:58:48 PM PDT by freebird5850 (Trust Republicans Under My Presindency)
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To: xp38

I’d like to help push a button or two.


35 posted on 04/08/2020 12:53:01 AM PDT by KittyKares (Drain the Swamp)
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To: xp38

Watch the Troll Master at work.

https://www.facebook.com/MalaniKai/videos/170557360596445/?t=0


36 posted on 04/08/2020 2:57:53 AM PDT by Delta 21 (Be strong & prosper, be weak & die! Stay true.... ~~ Donald J. Trump)
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To: xp38

”One of these days, Acosta – Pow! Right in the kisser!”


37 posted on 04/08/2020 3:05:05 AM PDT by Hot Tabasco (How did I survive the Swine flu and the killer flu of 2017-18 without govt. help?)
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To: Hot Tabasco

Bang Zoom....to the Moon!


38 posted on 04/08/2020 3:19:13 AM PDT by xp38
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To: xp38

BB has been on top of their game lately


39 posted on 04/08/2020 3:43:25 AM PDT by gattaca ("Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Reagan)
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To: JohnBrowdie
I was thinking along the same lines. Press seating on "Judas Cradles"


40 posted on 04/08/2020 4:54:45 AM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (Our parents/grandparents were called to war. We have been called to sit on the couch. We got this!!)
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