Little Davy

email | 2/25/2020 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

Little Davy was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer.

Davy was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go home with some guy and have sex with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Davy aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No, of course not;" said Davy, "he works for Nancy Pelosi, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

[sodpoodle]

this is the world we live in.

[sodpoodle]

COSTCO MEDIC One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample, and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - a lot cheaper than a doctor. So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Costco" That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was,Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter,and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant -- Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping @ Costco!

[JonPreston]

huh?

[Tellurian]

I think there really is such a device in the Google Company Store.

[Responsibility2nd]

Ask Alexa.

If you have one of those things in your house - she knows all this. And more.

[bk1000]

LOL!

Thanks for the laughs. Gonna need them between now and the election.

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

It’s like the guy who is a reporter for the [Baltimore Sun] and is worried because his family is coming out from Kansas to visit him. A colleague asks him why he’s so down. He tells them, “My family doesn’t know I’m a reporter for the [Sun]. I told them I was a piano player in a bordello.”

[BipolarBob]

it’s pretty clear to me.

[MCSETots]

I don’t care who you are, that there’s funny.

[lee martell]

Nifty joke, but mega-overworked.

[Nateman]

Reminds me of show and tell at school. Teacher asks Johnny what his dad does for a living.

'My daddy died' says Johnny.

I'm so sorry Johnny! What did your daddy do before he died?

'He went AHHHHHH!'

[Responsibility2nd]

Not Little Davy.

Little Johnny.

[Scarlett156]

LOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL

[NobleFree]

ROTFL!

[Taxman]

NOW, THAT IS FUNNY!

POST OF THE DAY!

[HangnJudge]

I assume this is a “Little Davy” joke
I have a few myself stored away, rarely used

[Mr. K]

I thought his name was Johnnie

[Verginius Rufus]

I know a Lt. Col. in the army (I thought he was retired but he must be still in the reserves). He was sent on some assignment in Europe recently and he showed me a photo on his phone of him standing next to Nancy Pelosi. Sardonic humor—I’m sure he is not a fan of hers.

[MikelTackNailer]

Pelosi travels everywhere she can on the government dime despite being a multimillionaire. Like the previous residents of the People’s House who went in poor and now can’t count it. Someone inform Stephen Colbert who keeps a running tally on Trump’s expenses, which I strongly believe he recomps each and every one he can like he does his salary.

[laplata]

Little Johnny.

><><

Thanks for posting that. Little Johnny was/is the best.