Posted on 09/26/2019 12:22:44 PM PDT by sodpoodle
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Hillary, Pelosi and Biden walk into a bar.
A blonde’s house was on fire, so she called 911 and started screaming, “Help me, please! My house is burning! Hurry!”
The operator said, “OK, calm down, and we’ll be there soon. How do we get to your house?”
The blonde replied, “Duh, in that big red truck!”
The Past, the Present and the Future walked into a bar — it was tense.
Love Irish jokes;)
Yeah--but only Pelosi and Biden actually walk out.
A couple of blondes were talking about what was farther away, Florida or The Moon. One of them responded, “duh, it’s Florida. You can see the moon.”
A man walked into a bar.
Ouch.
It was an iron bar.
Hillary, Pelosi and Biden run into a bar.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said "Thanks" I said "Don't mention it"
Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Wow! You’re the first person to get it.
Did ya hear about the Irishman who walked OUT of a bar?
Neither has anyone else.
Dam.
A homeless person walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “where did you get that?” Parrot says, “In San Francisco, there are millions of them there.”
Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands, after that they were known as, The Islands.
A plane is on its way to Chicago when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde passenger sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
"I told her first class isn't going to Chicago.
Nothing personal, I'm sure!
Lynch, Brennan, Comey and Clapper walk into a Barr.
> Hillary, Pelosi and Biden walk into a bar. <
The bar’s owner tells them, “If you can stay in my basement for a day, I’ll give you free beer for a year.”
“It’s deal”, says Pelosi. “I’ll go first.” Pelosi then goes down into the basement. Five minutes later, the basement door opens. It’s Pelosi. “I give up,” she says. “I can’t stand all the mice down there.”
“I’ll give it a try”, says Biden. Biden then goes down into the basement. Five minutes later, the basement door opens. It’s Biden. “I give up,” he says. “I can’t stand all the flies down there.”
“What a bunch of sissies”, says Hillary. Hillary then goes down into the basement. Five minutes later, the basement door opens. It’s the mice and the flies.
What’s the last thing on a bug’s mind when he hit’s the windshield of a car?
His butt.
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