I Told My Boyfriend How Many People I’d Slept with…and He Didn’t Like the Answer

“My boyfriend can’t get over how many people I’ve slept with. I shouldn’t have told him, but he pressed me for the info. He was 'nerdy’ for most of high school and college, and just started coming into his own in his mid to late 20s. I have been dating consistently for years, and have had my fair share of hookups and relationships. And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all, he can’t deal with the discrepancy. We’ve been dating for two years and we’re serious. I don’t want to break up. How can I handle this?”

I agree that you probably shouldn’t have told him, but lots of people fall into the trap of discussing their sexual history with their current partner, and I get it. If you trust someone, it’s natural to want to talk about what you’ve learned from past relationships and sexual experiences. That said, numbers really aren’t necessary, and rarely do anything aside from making one person feel bad.

But you can’t go back, and his reaction may have provoked an important conversation. After all (and as you well know), this isn’t an issue of who has slept with more people. It’s about his comfort with his past, and it’s about both of you establishing that your needs are being met by this relationship.

First, you have to figure out the problem you’re tackling, because it will change the course of action.

"And while I don’t think my number is crazy at all"

She told her boyfriend but she doesn't tell us.

How many?

I'm curious what the number is so we can know if it is 'crazy'.

If her boyfriend is upset by the number she needs to accept their relationship is over.

If this bothers him now it will always bother him.

I agree that leaving out the spiritual dimension is a tremendous mistake—

but leaving out the crazy dimension is, I believe after many years of experience, an equally bad mistake.

Getting guys to see that there is a dimension beyond “hotness” is, of itself, often a major breakthrough.

> Is that really a problem, or are you anticipating it as a problem?

They are anticipating it as a problem. It was one of the difficulties they struggled with when deciding to find an egg donor.

If only being a mother had been more important than making Powerpoints in an office, they would have had their own natural kids AND not had to have spent several years of her net earnings on attempts to reproduce with medical technology what they would have been able to do naturally at the proper age.

Here is how I see it. Lets say she is 28 and been humping for 12 years. Let’s say one per month = 12 X 12 = 144. Anything above 144 is slutty. I'd probably drop that down to about 12.

If she, or he, is getting busy at least once a month their willingness to shed clothes is pretty high.

What percent of women between 18 and 25 have all three attributes? Have two? Have just one?

Have no idea about the virgin thing, but around where I live, I have noticed that the high school and early college age girls seem to be avoiding the tattoo thing, and, best of all, they are adopting some fashion from the 1980s - the way-over-the-waist jeans for example. It's like going back in time.

Speaking of which, when I was in college in the early 90s, I dated a girl who was 24 and she was worried that I might hear things, so she admitted to me early on that she had what she thought was a high number of previous boyfriends. Her number was 10. I'm willing to bet that the number of the girl in the article is well over 50, and a lot of those were "hookups".

Here’s another one

After a tough evening with the Beethoven crowd, she loves to relax and listen to her folk-rock records. Preferably, on your stereo. She’s open-minded. So maybe tonight you offer her a Tiparillo. She might like it–the slim cigar with a white tip. Elegant. And, you dog, you’ve got both kinds on hand, Tiparillo Regular and new Tiparillo M with menthol–her choice of mild smoke or cold smoke. Well? Should you offer? After all, if she likes the offer, she might start to play. No strings attached.

One thing I’ve noticed is that if a woman had an extremely good lover, even if just for one night, she will reference and compare all her successive relationship on that one night.

It may not be completely on him that he is feeling inadequate, but she keeps referencing a previous relationship and she tries to make her new relationship to be like the old relationship.

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