Seems she's been talking to her divorced friends and they've been telling her all the tricks of how to push my buttons and get everything she can from me. Make it as painful as possible I suppose, but I'm not going to go there.
I'm going to smile. Give up what I have to. What the law says I must and not a penny more. Then I walk away. Never to be seen again by her.
So let this serve as a warning to you men who are in unhappy marriages and want to get out: be prepared to give up a lot. Know what the divorce laws in your state say you must do, know the minimum's you must do, and do them. Only them. Everything else you'll need to decide if it's worth fighting over. Divorce is nothing more than a business transaction (or: "the screwing you get for the screwing you got.")
If you're really angry and want to get even with her, the only ones who benefit from that are the lawyers. You lose no matter what. If you fight over things and money, decide who you want to lose to, and how much. (Hint: the Lawyers know how to manipulate you to get as much as they can. Oddly, so does a soon to be ex-wife. One of them is going to get the money if you fight over things -- so decide who'll get it because you won't.)
As for me, I feel it's important for me to walk away with my integrity intact. I'm not out to screw her out of as much as I can financially, quite the opposite. I want to make sure I do what's required -- and no more. What the law says I must, and not a penny more. One day she'll realize what she did to herself from a financial well-being perspective as well as from an emotional and spiritual perspective. When it's all over and our children know the truth as to why the divorce happened I wouldn't want to be her. (They already think she's nuts.)
Ladies who read the thread (above) that spurred this post all I can say to you is this: If you have a good man and you love him, make sure he knows. Stop reading now, go wrap your arms around him and tell him so. Remind him often, and for no reason at all. Build the bonds of intimacy and keep them strong. That's the best way to keep a good man. (Feeding him helps too. We're simple beings: Love us, feed us, give us sex.)
If you have a good man and aren't doing the above, how about starting right now?
As for me, I'm off to figure out what the rest of my life looks like and how I'm going to get there. I know there's a good woman out there for me and I'm going to find her.
It’s called a prenup. My grandfather insisted my husband sign one. Over the last 20 years, in addition to the inheritance stipulation in the prenup, he has signed
‘release of homestead’ and quit claims for every piece of property i have aquired. The houses are in both of our names but that is it. We have our own cars, our separate bank accounts, our own savings. We are happily married (have a newborn in fact) and money isn’t a fight with us.
That said, MrR is an attorney and we have seen divorced couples fight over sleeping bags and non silver silverware. Divorces are nasty business.
What if your husband never wants to make love with you?
It’s a two way street...that being said, I have told my son to think very carefully before marrying. It really seems like men are always on the losing end of the proposition.
The world has changed; people live longer... the old rules don’t necessarily apply.
It seems that along with everything else important in life, the ‘others’ see the family unit as an evil place to be...
You make a lot of sense, I’ve walked those shoes, except I left after my kids were adults and married, there was nothing left, no love, no respect, everything I worked for was gone, the happy home I tried so hard to give was gone...
So I agree, if your a woman, and you have a good man, this is good advise, if your a man, and you have a good woman, same rings true...don’t divide up the family...
Do I regret walking away, no...I went on with my life on my own, did my thing, and now am enjoying my kids and grandkids, their father died 5 years after I left, it wasn’t because of a broken heart, it wasn’t for any other reason other than he quit living years before that...
Yes, women have a tremendous economic incentive to seek divorce rather than reconciliation. Plus, if young children are involved they know that they are in the driver’s seat for getting full custody or primary physical custody and thus getting tax-free child support.
Don’t wait too long to get back out in the free-market economy of dating. Travel to places like Florida, Arkansas, Latvia, and elsewhere if the market conditions are not favorable in your area.
For what it’s worth, the best way “to get back at” someone who wants to hurt you, is to live a good life, and be happy.
It will allow them to hurt themselves, while you haven’t gone out of your way to hurt anyone.
Mark
... Lawyers know how to manipulate you to get as much as they can. Oddly, so does a soon to be ex-wife. One of them is going to get the money...
Sharia Law will fix both of these things, and any complaints from women and lawyers about the fixing.
Damn, your story sound familiar. After 29 years, mine pulls this crap when I’m 2 years from retirement. Seems they have a playbook they all use. Mine is totally miserable and our daughters think she’s nuts!
No-fault divorce has ruined this country. Thanks, feminists!
May I ask how old your wife is?
bkmk
There are two sides to this coin, my friend. When the marriage is good the man surely does love the little homemaker who cooks, cleans and keeps the children out of daycare. It's worth so much, at the time.
When the marriage is crumbling she's all of a sudden a money grubbing leech who never earned her way and is grasping for everything she can get. She who chose to be a homemaker for you and a full time mother for the children with NO career to fall back on.
Good luck.
Don't believe the idiots who tell you you never forget your first love. It's only your last love who matters.
And although you don't sound like you'll be a victim of it, for others contemplating your path or advice, I would say, the worst advice you can give yourself is "my wife (/husband) would never do that to me." Oh, yes, she (/he) will. In a divorce, your soon-to-be-ex is your enemy and their is no other way to approach it. Once all the boundaries have been adjudicated and the papers have been signed, you might be able to have some kind of relationship, especially (but God forbid) if there are kids. (I know a few people who've done it.)
But until you emerge successfully from the other side, you need to assume no quarter will be given, because it won't.
Consider yourself lucky. I still have a tape recording of my 2nd wifes’ POS father offering to shoot me in the back of the head and bury me in the woods.
Be sure to watch the newly divorced man’s movie,
A BOY AND HIS DOG
Hang in until the end.
I knew a guy who saw it coming and scrubbed the toilet with his wife’s toothbrush every morning for a week before he got booted from his house.
You can enjoy watching as her woman body ages: saggy boobs, butt and belly, droopy cheeks, dark circles under eyes, graying hair. She will HATE it. Women are too often judged by others AND themselves by their looks.
Then, one day, she will see a gorgeous woman near you and will glower, fume and get red with anger, frustration and hatred. Lol. She'll get hers. Believe it.
You are free. Freedom has a heavy price. You WILL laugh again.
Grief! I am so sorry for your loss. For what it is worth, take some time to breathe. If you need companionship, get a dog. They are a helluva lot more loyal than your ex would seem to be. Yes, I am a woman and I say this with all seriousness: some women today are just down-right money-grubbing, greedy b*tches. Best of luck. I will keep you in my prayers.
Life is too short. You did the right thing. She got half but did she ever work? Or were you the sole bread winner?
Back when polio a was problem people could be mostly cured. Only to have it come back in their later years. This reminds me of your ex-wife.