Posted on 06/06/2016 7:29:13 PM PDT by usconservative
For those of you who read This Post on the original thread with the same title I wanted you all to know that I received a number of emails asking how I was.
Well, I left. I felt like I had no choice. Nothing was going to change no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to salvage my marriage -- it was over. Repentance and humbling myself before the Lord didn't matter. The marriage was over long ago, I'd just refused to accept it or I was blind to that fact.
Seems she's been talking to her divorced friends and they've been telling her all the tricks of how to push my buttons and get everything she can from me. Make it as painful as possible I suppose, but I'm not going to go there.
I'm going to smile. Give up what I have to. What the law says I must and not a penny more. Then I walk away. Never to be seen again by her.
So let this serve as a warning to you men who are in unhappy marriages and want to get out: be prepared to give up a lot. Know what the divorce laws in your state say you must do, know the minimum's you must do, and do them. Only them. Everything else you'll need to decide if it's worth fighting over. Divorce is nothing more than a business transaction (or: "the screwing you get for the screwing you got.")
If you're really angry and want to get even with her, the only ones who benefit from that are the lawyers. You lose no matter what. If you fight over things and money, decide who you want to lose to, and how much. (Hint: the Lawyers know how to manipulate you to get as much as they can. Oddly, so does a soon to be ex-wife. One of them is going to get the money if you fight over things -- so decide who'll get it because you won't.)
As for me, I feel it's important for me to walk away with my integrity intact. I'm not out to screw her out of as much as I can financially, quite the opposite. I want to make sure I do what's required -- and no more. What the law says I must, and not a penny more. One day she'll realize what she did to herself from a financial well-being perspective as well as from an emotional and spiritual perspective. When it's all over and our children know the truth as to why the divorce happened I wouldn't want to be her. (They already think she's nuts.)
Ladies who read the thread (above) that spurred this post all I can say to you is this: If you have a good man and you love him, make sure he knows. Stop reading now, go wrap your arms around him and tell him so. Remind him often, and for no reason at all. Build the bonds of intimacy and keep them strong. That's the best way to keep a good man. (Feeding him helps too. We're simple beings: Love us, feed us, give us sex.)
If you have a good man and aren't doing the above, how about starting right now?
As for me, I'm off to figure out what the rest of my life looks like and how I'm going to get there. I know there's a good woman out there for me and I'm going to find her.
ROFL!! That’s great!
It’s called a prenup. My grandfather insisted my husband sign one. Over the last 20 years, in addition to the inheritance stipulation in the prenup, he has signed
‘release of homestead’ and quit claims for every piece of property i have aquired. The houses are in both of our names but that is it. We have our own cars, our separate bank accounts, our own savings. We are happily married (have a newborn in fact) and money isn’t a fight with us.
That said, MrR is an attorney and we have seen divorced couples fight over sleeping bags and non silver silverware. Divorces are nasty business.
What if your husband never wants to make love with you?
It’s a two way street...that being said, I have told my son to think very carefully before marrying. It really seems like men are always on the losing end of the proposition.
The world has changed; people live longer... the old rules don’t necessarily apply.
It seems that along with everything else important in life, the ‘others’ see the family unit as an evil place to be...
You make a lot of sense, I’ve walked those shoes, except I left after my kids were adults and married, there was nothing left, no love, no respect, everything I worked for was gone, the happy home I tried so hard to give was gone...
So I agree, if your a woman, and you have a good man, this is good advise, if your a man, and you have a good woman, same rings true...don’t divide up the family...
Do I regret walking away, no...I went on with my life on my own, did my thing, and now am enjoying my kids and grandkids, their father died 5 years after I left, it wasn’t because of a broken heart, it wasn’t for any other reason other than he quit living years before that...
Yes, women have a tremendous economic incentive to seek divorce rather than reconciliation. Plus, if young children are involved they know that they are in the driver’s seat for getting full custody or primary physical custody and thus getting tax-free child support.
Don’t wait too long to get back out in the free-market economy of dating. Travel to places like Florida, Arkansas, Latvia, and elsewhere if the market conditions are not favorable in your area.
For what it’s worth, the best way “to get back at” someone who wants to hurt you, is to live a good life, and be happy.
It will allow them to hurt themselves, while you haven’t gone out of your way to hurt anyone.
Mark
... Lawyers know how to manipulate you to get as much as they can. Oddly, so does a soon to be ex-wife. One of them is going to get the money...
Sharia Law will fix both of these things, and any complaints from women and lawyers about the fixing.
Damn, your story sound familiar. After 29 years, mine pulls this crap when I’m 2 years from retirement. Seems they have a playbook they all use. Mine is totally miserable and our daughters think she’s nuts!
Up side for me is since I no longer spend money trying to keep the witch happy, I am smoking damn good cigars and drinking the best borbiun. LOL!
It seems like it, because we are. The divorce laws were largely setup in the 1940's through 1960's when women weren't largely in the workforce making a living and capable of supporting themselves. Those times have changed and as I've come to learn, the divorce laws in my state (Illinois) have changed greatly.
One example: If I'd divorced my wife four years ago, I'd expect to be paying "maintenance" after the divorce to her, the equivalent of 29% of my NET PAY for some years to come. It wouldn't matter if she had a job or not, the law said I had to pay it.
Now the law takes into account the fact that both our children are grown, there'll be no child support, she has a job, and with our assets being split down the middle she won't need maintenance from me.
That means my income remains mine (she gets $0/mo.) and my monthly bills go down (selling the house, I get to downsize and minimize my monthly bills, I no longer have to carry her on my health insurance, pay her car maintenance, her extensive monthly clothing bills, etc..)
She's yet to fully understand what's going to happen to her financially for the long term, but when she does it's gonna suck to be her.
That's on her for not wanting to reconcile, deal with her issues and be a full partner wife.
And that's my plan. :-)
was it quick and easy sex?...was it drinking and drugging?....
but now, she has changed...or did YOU change....???
anyway, I'd advise men like you the old saying "happy wife, happy life"...so go over and hug your wife right now....send her flowers...put the toilet lid down...buy groceries and make dinner...
it takes two to tangle and it takes two to detangle....
look in the mirror.....
I've been told that men such as I (in their early to mid 50's, financially stable, have a good job, no debt, etc..) are a "highly desirable commodity" amongst women between the ages of 45-55.
I'm about to find out whether or not that's true.
Oops! Thats bourbon! Obviously I hitting the Bourbon tonight with Laranja corona gorda.
No-fault divorce has ruined this country. Thanks, feminists!
I'm convinced they're all batshit crazy myself. It really just depends how batshit crazy they are, and how much we can tolerate. ;-)
May I ask how old your wife is?
Well, one thing's for certain: It's ruined the marriage relationship that God designed and intended for us.
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