This Incredibly Creepy Mattress Tells You When Sex Is Happening (WiFi/Internet pings your phone)

Gizmodo ^ | Apr 17, 2016 | Chris Mills

[dayglored]

Apparently, we’re in the middle of a “global infidelity crisis,” a crisis that can only be solved by a smart mattress that pings your phone when it’s being used for sex. Wait, what?

Smarttress is a real-looking product from Spanish company Durmet, which claims to use ultrasonic sensors to detect when two people are going at it on a bed. It then pings your phone to inform you of this fact.

I’m still partly convinced that this is a late April Fool’s, but working on the terrifying assumption that it’s not, let’s look at this idea on its merits. On the plus side, you’ll know if your significant other is having sex on your bed (although not on your couch, futon, desk, kitchen table, floor, car, or hotel bed); on the downside, you’ll know for certain that you’re a paranoid sociopath who needs wildly inefficient ways of keeping tabs on people.

[Redcitizen]

So far the pillow doesn’t record conversation. Yet.

[teletech]

Coffee meet keyboard and monitor!

...oh, and busTED.

My Mattress Saved My Marriage by Heidi Cruz

[ghosthost]

somebody’s gonna get shot

[teletech]

Gives new meaning to the phrase “plugged in”.

[dayglored]

> So far the pillow doesn’t record conversation. Yet.

Give 'em a little time...

[dayglored]

Your NAPL probably needs this one...

[Slings and Arrows]

Coming soon to a reality show near you.

[Tonytitan]

“Last night her mattress dialed me...”

Now there's the start of a good booty call joke.

[AndyTheBear]

What happens if the kids jump on the bed?

[The Duke]

Ic I buy the matress can I get a discount on their kitchen counter product?

[Daffynition]

[oprahstheantichrist]

“Pets department, second floor!”

[Daffynition]

DIY delivery

[Redcitizen]

So much for pillow talk when that happens.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Will this thing ping you if your wife is self-serving on the bed? That would be a false alarm.

DANG!

[wyokostur]

[blueplum]

I’m too busy laughing to type anything meaningful except, one beep or two?

[SWAMPSNIPER]

I always knew when sex was happening, you’ve just got to pay attention.