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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

When we lived in Germany, the GI couple across the street had a St. Bernard. Now THAT animal knew how to dog-slob! He was gross!


6,881 posted on 04/16/2016 7:53:43 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Covenantor

Since this is an ebook, I haven’t gotten to the glossary, yet. I will read that, and then, at a later date, I will re-read the book with much more understanding. It will be nice to see how close I was to the actual pronunciations!


6,882 posted on 04/16/2016 7:56:13 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Covenantor; moose07; Tax-chick

We have wild violets here in several patches, and though I want to dig up a clump or two and pot them, I don’t have the gardening tools to do so. Nor do I have a Green Thumb. Since I have a Black Thumb, I AM the Serial Plant Killer. :o|


6,883 posted on 04/16/2016 7:58:29 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Monkey Face

Morning Face.
That field of crocus is on National Trust property, so it could be a hangover from the original owner or an NT special installation.
The do have a habit of attacking the properties they own with “aggressive” gardening. :)


6,884 posted on 04/16/2016 8:07:06 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face

“descendant of the Viks?”

Half of me is. Directly and indirectly. The other half is a right genetic cocktail.
Did have it tested years ago at Oxford university , they where looking for Neanderthal......I was disappointed. :)


6,885 posted on 04/16/2016 8:12:22 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Covenantor

Doggie needs on opener.....


6,886 posted on 04/16/2016 8:12:57 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face

The late 700s to late 800s where butt achingly cold. They blame it on Volcanic activity. I blame it on a poor A/C installation.....


6,887 posted on 04/16/2016 8:27:50 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07
Ah. I thought so. Since I'm an indirect descendant of the Royalty, I can claim some Vik blood, as well. No DNA has been done on me, but my genealogies go straight back to the Royals, as far as they have been taken, including the Viks of “Kvenland” and the Russ. Good, strong blood! Fighters all!

And then there are the ones in Mediterranean areas and south...

6,888 posted on 04/16/2016 8:33:28 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: moose07

Yes, the very cold winters. In the past, I read a book about the Viks settling Iceland and Greenland, and how a Native American girl made the journey to Greenland to live. It was fiction based on fact, much as The Last Kingdom was, but still a fascinating read. And I believe that the weather was influenced by volcanic eruptions elsewhere in the world.

Makes for a good read, by all means.


6,889 posted on 04/16/2016 8:36:34 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face

But then they got Global Warming and everything was peachy until the 1300s.

I’m back from my haircut. It turns out Jamie my Hairdresser does not have Lupus. It was a diagnostic error.


6,890 posted on 04/16/2016 10:13:39 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: moose07

Not snow.

Congealed fog...


6,891 posted on 04/16/2016 10:44:18 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick
does not have Lupus

That is a good thing..

..in a world of so many nongood things.

6,892 posted on 04/16/2016 10:52:24 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Tax-chick

I suspected such when you told me, because next to fibromyalgia, is lupus is the buzz-word disease to have. Then there is autism, and hypoglycemia, and manic-depressive (politicized to bi-polar, lest we call a spade a Spade) and ADHD in its day.

And the thing that irritates me the most about CFIDS is that it has been lumped with something else, trivializing it even more. I try to rationalize it by saying, “Maybe now they will get the research funding they need,” but it’s still such a disservice to those of us who have spent a lot of our lives battling an “imaginary” disease, or “Yuppy Flu.”

Still, I’m glad she doesn’t have Lupus. :o])


6,893 posted on 04/16/2016 10:56:38 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: moose07
Sadly not the Saffron Crocus out else I would be out there picking.

I estimate there is about three grams worth in that picture.

6,894 posted on 04/16/2016 11:44:00 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: Tax-chick; Salamander

That is one way to use a snake for home defense!


6,895 posted on 04/16/2016 11:46:59 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: Tax-chick

I was setting out my clothes for church tomorrow, and decided to wear my green earrings and necklace. I looked high and low for those earrings, and realized that one of my aides stole them from my nightstand.

It was probably the same one that took my old phone and the portable CD player. DANG little thieves! GAH!!! No more aides. Period.

If it wasn’t so late in the day, I would go to Wally’s and see if I could find something suitable. *cusswords*


6,896 posted on 04/16/2016 12:18:13 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Monkey Face

We’re getting ready for church. Elen loves my gray cashmere cardigan and wants to keep it forever.


6,897 posted on 04/16/2016 1:12:21 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

I can certainly understand Elen’s desire for cashmere. I love the stuff, but can’t afford it!


6,898 posted on 04/16/2016 1:28:37 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Tax-chick

I’m waiting for my marinaded chicken thighs to cool enough so I can eat them.

I baked them, as I usually do to meats. Except for hamburger...that, I fry and add a slice of cheese. Sooo good!


6,899 posted on 04/16/2016 1:31:00 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Monkey Face

TC?


6,900 posted on 04/16/2016 1:31:17 PM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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