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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: moose07

Snow? I’m reading a novel about the Viking invasions in Britain in the late 800’s and it’s pretty interesting. Part of it takes place in the winters, and they sound VERY cold and snowy without the comforts we now enjoy. I’m not sure of the names of places (towns, areas, etc) because the old spelling is used and some of the older names are different that today’s. London was fairly easy: Lundene. Others? Not sure.

Still, from an historical standpoint, it’s quite interesting.

Makes me wonder: Are you a descendant of the Viks? (You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.)


6,861 posted on 04/16/2016 6:13:53 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Monkey Face

We think it was a fledgling chickadee. DP just picked up one that had gotten stuck on the window screen outside the sunroom. He took it to the yard next door, where there are no cats.


6,862 posted on 04/16/2016 6:18:41 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick
"DP just picked up one that had gotten stuck on the window screen outside the sunroom."

You had a post-it note from Mother Nature?

6,863 posted on 04/16/2016 6:39:48 AM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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To: Monkey Face

Bernard Cornwell?


6,864 posted on 04/16/2016 6:45:11 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Monkey Face; Tax-chick; Gefn; moose07

Border Collies...born smart and eager to work

6,865 posted on 04/16/2016 6:49:17 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; moose07

Yes, “The Last Kingdom.” Quite a good read, but my tongue trips over a lot of words. And I DO try to pronounce them out loud! LOL!


6,866 posted on 04/16/2016 6:51:43 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Tax-chick

Ah. So he looked like the cat that ate the chickadee...? *ducking and running*


6,867 posted on 04/16/2016 6:53:08 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: NicknamedBob

LOL - good one!


6,868 posted on 04/16/2016 6:53:48 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Covenantor

Ha-ha! Cute.


6,869 posted on 04/16/2016 6:53:53 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Covenantor; Monkey Face; NicknamedBob

I’ve been dog-slobbed. I just took Elen and Sally up the street to talk about a dog-sitting job for some neighbors, and the boxer-and beagle slobbered on my shoes and nose-slimed my pants. (I’ll live with it until after my haircut. Jamie won’t care, although her cats might.)

The dog owners are going to Louisiana for a week.


6,870 posted on 04/16/2016 6:55:53 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: moose07

Lovely

I have an unexpected uprising of wild violets in various clumps that need to be uprooted and potted.

Azaleas suffered from the blizzard. Blooms were small. Nothing like last year’s bumper crop of fat luscious blooms.

Big surprise was re-emergence of lilac that was cut back to grade and presumed dead.


6,871 posted on 04/16/2016 6:55:57 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Tax-chick

Don’t see Beagles and Boxers much anymore. Recall Boxers being fairly popular in the fifties. That popularity might have been the proximate cause of the clear vinyl sofa covers of that era.


6,872 posted on 04/16/2016 7:10:33 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor

I have a nice lilac that’s currently blooming. Hummingbirds like to perch there while they wait in line for the feeder.

My wisteria will bloom soon, a month later than all the other wisterias.


6,873 posted on 04/16/2016 7:16:19 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

Londinium.


6,874 posted on 04/16/2016 7:19:44 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Monkey Face

Try listening to The Canterbury Tales.

Nearly unintelligible.


6,875 posted on 04/16/2016 7:22:08 AM PDT by null and void ("when authority began inspiring contempt, it had stopped being authority" ~ H. Beam Piper)
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To: Tax-chick

This one suffered from some sort of malaise and had been over shadowed by the giant oak. Spindly branch sesrching for sun. Will see how it does in full sun, vitamine D. Wonderful fragrance on spring nights.


6,876 posted on 04/16/2016 7:22:59 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: null and void

But easier than “Beowulf” in Anglo-Saxon, unless you already speak German. “Canterbury Tales” is easier if you already speak French.


6,877 posted on 04/16/2016 7:23:16 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Covenantor

Mine is in full sun all day except in winter, when the house shades it.


6,878 posted on 04/16/2016 7:24:04 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Monkey Face

His glossary and maps help a lot though the Saxon names don’t exactly trip lightly on the tongue.

;>)


6,879 posted on 04/16/2016 7:29:13 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: null and void

I have the Canterbury Tales in book form, thanks. Just as hard to read.

I slept in until 0530 this morning. Dang. I hate not feeling well...


6,880 posted on 04/16/2016 7:52:17 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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