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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: ArGee
"... if they realized that those wealthy people whose wealth they wanted to redistribute earned that wealth via capitalism?"

"Earned"? Bernie supporters don't think that way. Besides, who cares how they got the money, it needs to be spread around, dunnit?

Anyone wanting to take the win out of Bernie's sales has to bring on board a Joe-the-plumber, to ask the basic questions from Econ 101 about why two neighbors can't trade services without having the government get cut in to spread the wealth.

But even then only society's contributors would get the point. The leeches and termites merely look for the biggest thing to feed on.

6,841 posted on 04/15/2016 2:27:23 PM PDT by NicknamedBob (If you can't do something well, you won't do anything good.)
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Attention North Carolinians..

Aren't you glad your state is so whateverphobic they're calling you now?

I mean, it COULD be like this:


6,842 posted on 04/15/2016 6:46:50 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: ArGee
Just the thing for a NY commute..


6,843 posted on 04/15/2016 11:23:49 PM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

LoL,
Just a dream ,sadly. :)


6,844 posted on 04/16/2016 12:49:21 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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NT Wallington

6,845 posted on 04/16/2016 12:50:44 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Covenantor

Mountain Lion....

Yep I’ll agree with that.
Stuffed and mounted is the best condition for them.


6,846 posted on 04/16/2016 12:57:55 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: null and void; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; Tax-chick; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

6,847 posted on 04/16/2016 3:38:49 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick; fanfan; ColdOne; Cyber Liberty; null and void; Anoreth; Monkey Face; ...

6,848 posted on 04/16/2016 3:40:08 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: moose07

Nice crocus!


6,849 posted on 04/16/2016 3:40:26 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

Good Morning.
We’ve had Snow this morning, none of it settled. But boy is it parky outside.


6,850 posted on 04/16/2016 3:56:40 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Snow! It’s all that global warming.


6,851 posted on 04/16/2016 4:06:27 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Tax-chick

Beyond all reasonable doubt, it has to be Global Warming....what else would cause the temperature to drop like a rock? :)


6,852 posted on 04/16/2016 4:21:54 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Maybe if we turn off all our lights and don’t drive cars, the snow will stop.


6,853 posted on 04/16/2016 4:53:40 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: Salamander

See #6847.


6,854 posted on 04/16/2016 4:54:30 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (My music: http://hopalongginsberg.com/ | Facebook: Hopalong Ginsberg)
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To: Tax-chick; moose07; Monkey Face
Snow?


6,855 posted on 04/16/2016 5:33:02 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: moose07

Are those crocus wild? The field is too pretty to be “planted.” (Did I just answer my own question?)


6,856 posted on 04/16/2016 5:53:41 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Monkey Face

Morning. Jake killed a bird yesterday and ate most of it.


6,857 posted on 04/16/2016 5:58:11 AM PDT by Tax-chick ("The world is full of wonder, but you see it only if you look." ~NicknamedBob)
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To: moose07

Mountain lions keep certain four-legged populations down, when humans haven’t encroached on their territory too much. Then they will be like the coyotes, and go after pets. Or humans.

Just like every “wild” animal, they have a purpose. Bass Pro Shops take the sick and maimed wildlife and stuff them for display in their stores. No healthy animals, “of course.”


6,858 posted on 04/16/2016 6:02:42 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Tax-chick

Floofy squee!!


6,859 posted on 04/16/2016 6:03:10 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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To: Tax-chick

Good morning!

Jake is pretty outdoorized for a house cat. The Force is strong with that one.


6,860 posted on 04/16/2016 6:07:05 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Life is not a race. Find joy in the journey.)
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