Posted on 01/16/2012 1:48:07 PM PST by Lazamataz
ON this Martin Luther King day, it is customary to review the progress African Americans have made in striding towards a level of equality with the majority races.
But I wish to speak of the unsung heros of the Civil Rights movement: Velociraptors.
I, as a velociraptor in a wool suit, have experienced HORRIFIC discrimination since the day I first poked my snout out of the stout eggshell that served as my womb.
The level of discrimination a dromaeosaurid theropod dinosaur from the Cretaceous faces, is unreal. Hell, I walk onto a MARTA train ...and everyone screams and runs, and MARTA police are ALWAYS shooting at me.
Good thing I hunt in packs. If not for my friends, the cops would have gotten me a long time ago.
And as far as jobs?? FORGET IT. Let's leave aside the fact that I usually devour the interviewer in the first 30 seconds, shall we? The fact remains: I *NEVER* GET THE OFFER.
Housing is impossible to acquire for a 'raptor. Every time I fill out a lease, it's always the same 'stereotypical' questions: "Have you eaten any of your neighbors?" This is not even considered a discriminatory question under the Fair Housing Act, yet it is clearly directed at those of us of the Thunder Lizard Persuasion.
Because of the housing discrimination I face, I must live in the woods, and as you can imagine, there are far fewer people to eat there. Location, for a velociraptor, is everything.
Is there any federal aid available for us? I should think not. NOT ONE BILL in the last 100 Congresses have been written to address the special difficulties faced by velociraptors in wool suits. Hell, I cannot even enter a federal building without the National Guard being called, and this -- obviously -- prevents me from obtaining scholorships, Welfare, or even Food Stamps.
And we marched, back in the 1960's, right alongside the Ray Innis' and the Jesse Jacksons' and the Martin Luther Kings'. We were leaping on police detachments with 20-foot vertical leaps, tearing heads from bodies, and disemboweling police with a single swipe of our vicious claws. Yet are we given ANY credit for helping minorities have a voice in America?
We need to talk about the discrimination shown towards velociraptors in wool suits. I hope this article can open that dialogue.
A Velociraptor once bit my sister in half.
I must caution you. If, after 3 to 6 months of dating, and she doesn't have a ring on her claw, or an even dozen small mammals to devour, she might turn into this....
We, in the raptor world, have our Savior, too.
Freakin’ buzzard. God I hate you non-people.
Yeesh. Yeah, forget it. I met a cute Stegasaurus down the road anyways.
I have both my eyes, no horn, and ever since the TSA took over, I don't fly much.
Otherwise, yes.
***************************************
Could it be more clear? You, my friend, are a shining example of that.
Take, for example, your generous responses to various females, whether mammalian or reptile, saints or sinners. How many have recognized you for what you are: a charitable, forgiving and understanding creature. And, despite being a reptile, your modesty compels you to wear a wool suit, and that is another quality so many today lack.
If I may, please allow me to sum this up:
1. You are sensitive.
2. You are generous.
3. You are forgiving.
4. You are understanding.
5. You are modest.
6. You are stylishly dressed, yet humble and unassuming.
I could go on and on, but I don't want to embarrass you.
Don't forget:
7. I leap with amazing swiftness and unreal strength over 20 feet in the air, and with a hideous screech, pounce on a person with my massive claws holding him (or her) down by the spinal column-- allowing my massive jaws lined with vicious, unbelieveably sharp teeth to effortlessly snap 5 to 10 pound lumps of flesh from their body, with arcs of crimson blood looping lazily through the air, as they scream their dying scream.
It's my most endearing quality.
Ref#62
Yeah, you're probably right. Imagine you're bushed from a day ripping the guts out of Human Resource people (I'd like to tag along), you come back to the nest and the first thing she says "Do you notice anything different about me?"
You grunt, scratch the backside with your hind legs, and pull a piece of HR flesh from between your teeth, realizing it didn't taste just quite human. You respond, "Yeah babe you look ravaging."
She goes into a tirade, stomps about, breaking several of your eggs in the process.
She screams "I spiked my hair for you!"
It is now time to beat a permanent retreat.
And that is why velociraptors went extinct.
No, not quite:
No need to object to a proceeding, just disembowel everyone in the room!
I like the cut of your jib. You’re hired!
7. I leap with amazing swiftness and unreal strength over 20 feet in the air, and with a hideous screech, pounce on a person with my massive claws holding him (or her) down by the spinal column-- allowing my massive jaws lined with vicious, unbelieveably sharp teeth to effortlessly snap 5 to 10 pound lumps of flesh from their body, with arcs of crimson blood looping lazily through the air, as they scream their dying scream.
It's my most endearing quality.
***********************
If I may, please allow me to sum this up:
1. You are sensitive.
2. You are generous.
3. You are forgiving.
4. You are understanding.
5. You are modest.
6. You are stylishly dressed, yet humble and unassuming.
7. You are athletically gifted, and not sadistic, choosing to spare your chosen food a long, painful death. Instead, you choose to grant them a short, excruciatingly painful death, which in the end is a kindness.
GREAT! When can I eat.... I mean, uh, meat... um MEET you?
Ya know Laz
What sometimes bothers me is that I read these threads and they seems perfectly normal to me.
Hummmm
LOL
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