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Harry Potter dwarf spared jail over juggler's hat sex act
The Telegraph (U.K.) ^
| July 29, 2011
Posted on 07/29/2011 1:30:06 PM PDT by Stoat
A dwarf who appeared in the Harry Potter and Star Wars films has dodged a short spell behind bars for indecently exposing himself to a teenager on a train.
(edit)
The celebrity was shown mercy by Recorder Richard Bond despite having previous convictions for sexual offences, including an incident in which he clambered into the bed of a stage manager and his girlfriend.
The 40-year-old's previous convictions also included a series of "random" and explicit phone calls made to women from a hotel room as long ago as 1995.
(edit)
It is understood that Read has recently been hiring himself out to stag parties, offering to be handcuffed to the stag while dressed as a diminutive fictional character such as a Smurf or Oompa-Loompa.
(edit)
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
TOPICS: Humor; Miscellaneous; TV/Movies; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: crime; dwarf; harrypotter; hatsex; headlineoftheweek; headlines; juggler; napl
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To: Stoat
Nicholas Reads father is very concerned.....
21
posted on
07/29/2011 2:19:58 PM PDT
by
mowowie
To: Stoat
I’m not sure a guy whose total screen time in his career adds up to under an hour and is mostly in heavy enough make-up to make him unrecognizable is a celebrity. Probably the judge just doesn’t feel a dwarf is a threat, he’d be wrong, but that’s probably why he went easy.
22
posted on
07/29/2011 2:22:31 PM PDT
by
discostu
(keep on keeping on)
To: Stoat
Those pesky dwarves always have their noses in everybody’s business.
23
posted on
07/29/2011 2:36:26 PM PDT
by
ruesrose
(It's possible to be clueless without being blonde.)
To: null and void
I believe it is a chokenswallow
24
posted on
07/29/2011 2:38:32 PM PDT
by
Cletus.D.Yokel
(Islam is a violent and tyrannical political ideology and has nothing to do with "religion".)
To: Stoat
Weirdest thread of the day.
25
posted on
07/29/2011 2:39:50 PM PDT
by
SoCal SoCon
(Yesterday Argentina, Today Greece, Tomorrow America)
To: Cletus.D.Yokel
Thanks for getting the gag...
26
posted on
07/29/2011 2:40:13 PM PDT
by
null and void
(Day 919. When your only tools are a Hammer & Sickle, everything looks like a Capitalist...)
To: null and void
Gag? Gag you say?
Damn near killed ‘im!
27
posted on
07/29/2011 2:42:47 PM PDT
by
Cletus.D.Yokel
(Islam is a violent and tyrannical political ideology and has nothing to do with "religion".)
To: null and void
What kind of bird is that, a swallow?
What do you mean, an African or a European swallow?
To: rockvillem
Oy don’t know that! AAAAIIIIIIEEEEE!
29
posted on
07/29/2011 3:10:13 PM PDT
by
null and void
(Day 919. When your only tools are a Hammer & Sickle, everything looks like a Capitalist...)
To: Stoat
i can tell it's friday... 8^)
30
posted on
07/29/2011 3:23:07 PM PDT
by
Chode
(American Hedonist - *DTOM* -ww- NO Pity for the LAZY)
To: Jet Jaguar; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ...
The title alone.All that's missing are fake testicles.
31
posted on
07/29/2011 4:00:04 PM PDT
by
Slings and Arrows
(You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
To: null and void
Oy dont know that! AAAAIIIIIIEEEEE!
Sweet - I was hoping you'd get that!
To: Stoat
So... does the “juggler’s hat sex act” have an actual definition? Or are they just implying that he was spanking the little stubby guy while concealing the act by placing a hat over the offending rhythmic fist-pumping?
On a side note, Juggler’s Hat Sex Act would be a great name for a band. Imagine that on a marquee outside a club. And the opening act would be a band called Free Beer, of course.
To: Chode
i can tell it's friday... 8^)
Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be certain.
34
posted on
07/29/2011 4:40:04 PM PDT
by
Stoat
(If you want a vision of the future, imagine a Birkenstock stamping on a human face... forever)
To: Slings and Arrows
including an incident in which he clambered into the bed of a stage manager and his girlfriendBegs the question of why his girlfriend was in the stage manager's bed; as to why he clambered in, he just wanted to...
give a little; take a little...
35
posted on
07/29/2011 5:43:01 PM PDT
by
ApplegateRanch
(Made in America, by proud American citizens, in 1946.)
To: Tax-chick
I am not sure how I would explain this thread to my mother....
To: Harmless Teddy Bear; Tax-chick
"I am not sure how I would explain this thread to my mother...." "Good news, Mom! I've just read that criminal activities are smaller in scale."
37
posted on
07/29/2011 7:47:29 PM PDT
by
NicknamedBob
(The President said if he doesn't get his way he's going to hold his breath until we all turn blue.)
To: Perdogg
Thanks Stoat.
has recently been hiring himself out to stag parties, offering to be handcuffed to the stag while dressed as a diminutive fictional character
They actually have live stags at UK stag parties?
38
posted on
07/29/2011 8:16:13 PM PDT
by
SunkenCiv
(Yes, as a matter of fact, it is that time again -- https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate/)
To: Stoat
I went to one once. The guy who got the movie for us started it up.
The opening credit read "Alonzo: Wild Stag of the North."
They kicked the guy out of the frat house.
≤}B^)
39
posted on
07/29/2011 8:53:25 PM PDT
by
Erasmus
(I love "The Raven," but then what do I know? I'm just a poetaster.)
To: SunkenCiv
Thanks Stoat. You're quite welcome ;-)
They actually have live stags at UK stag parties?
This appears to be one of the numerous peculiarities inherent to traditions of the UK, such as Jellied Eels
Morris Dancing,
assigning 'odd' names to certain cylindrical consumer products that are placed in the mouth,
and forcing Ladies to wear hats that are specifically designed to frighten children,
as well as what we Yanks would tend to consider as being rather unorthodox Veterinary practices.
Monty Python - Confuse-A-Cat - YouTube
How this tradition of dwarves dressing as smurfs or oompa-loompas and handcuffing themselves to (presumably) the lower leg or hoof of a (presumably) wild stag evolved, I have no idea but I would suggest that it 'may' be one of the reasons for the Mayflower's departure. Just a guess.
"snicker"
40
posted on
07/29/2011 10:31:50 PM PDT
by
Stoat
(If you want a vision of the future, imagine a Birkenstock stamping on a human face... forever)
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