Since Mar 15, 1998
Wordz of Wisdumb:
The best-laid men gang oft a-gley. -- Robt. Burns
Regarding the Republican and the Democrat campaigns: From the ridiculous to the slime.
New Monica cigar: Hav-A-Tampon.
Pundidiots doth vex me!
I'm bisexual; buy me something and I get very sexual! (Heather)
A strong bow is a terrible thing to waste. Please give to the Antonio Janigro College Fund.
PC baseball: The Madres vs. The Pets.
The Republicans look to the grassroots for their votes; the Democrats dig about six feet deeper.
Run amuck. There's a lotta mucks out there a-waitin' to be run!
That's so ridiculous it must be required by law.
Whatever bloats yer shoat!
What in the wide, wide world o' sports is a-goin' on here? (Slim Pickens in Blazing Saddles)
Aid to Families with Defendant Children
Yikes!! "'Twas the best of times, 'twas the worst of times!" You scared the Dickens outta me!
"Why, you dirty SOB!" He said, acronymously.
Army Corps of Engineers: "Well, owl be dammed!"
Zwischen des Teufels und des tiefen, blauen, Meers.
Brooks' law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Sodnagel's extension: Subtracting manpower from a late software project does too.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How come it's always in the last place you looked?
At midnight on December 31, 1999, I expect to crash, and I can't predict how long it will take them to get me up again.
You are going to either properly raise your children, or you're going to lower them.
When it rattles by your window, the Chicago "L" annoys.
Confucius say, "Woman down in cups get boob job."
If you want to fool millions, start with yourself.
A: Emissaries, functionaries, luminaries, janissaries, and dromedaries.
Q: Describe a Middle East peace conference.
Sled dogs and Engishmen go out in the midnight sun.
Nihilism never amounted to anything.
Getting captivated by modern music leads to Stockhausen Syndrome.
Living with a cigar smoker is a form of cohibatation.
I love electronic things. My pacemaker is especially close to my heart.
Eat beef. Someone has to control the cow population!
Tautology: A circular argument with a radius of zero.
If you had a million congressmen at a million typewriters, and each one churned out a law a minute, how long would it be before you found one that made sense?
Why, I'm as sharp now as the day I was born!
Authorities warn that the death rate is STILL 100 per cent.
Old Principals never die; they just lose their faculties.
How much kat can a Katmandu if a katman kan du kat?
How much duct could a duct tape tape if a duct tape could tape duct? (Freeper Mathurine)
It takes branes to make an alternate universe.
I invited Benoit Mandelbrot to the Shoreline Grill, but he never got there.
It takes all kinds. Why, exactly?
Vulture is its own reward.
Never say "cover me!" to a country boy.
If you're going to shoot yourself in the foot, make sure it isn't in your mouth. (Freeper EricT.)
I finally figured out that my life has a purpose--as a cautionary example to others.
Yes, English is my first language. I'm hoping to do better on my second.
Armageddon sentimental over you.
Go to Sebastopol and Crimea River.
Why isn't palindrome one?
A man a plan a canal Suez
Able was I ere I saw this crappy little island.
Able was Bob ere Bob saw Elba.
Live was I ere I saw Evil.
Dog was I ere I saw God.
Now Erasmus' sums are won.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Or, get out your 50mm/1.2.
This is a reversion of the version to the previous revision.
I was trying to figure it out. But then I sat down and broke my thumb.
Lo-riders with Hispanasonic sound systems.
Bequeathing wealth to your Alma Mater creates a moral hazard.
Don't believe everything you think.
The outstanding power of the intellectual is that of self-deception.
She was a piccolo player--a high flutin' gal.
The Ditzy Chix are a threat to the Country & Western Civilization.
I've been cultivating a strain of yeast, but I'm afraid it's become inbread.
Rabbis have "Levi" genes.
Zen Buddhist saying: "Cleanliness is next to nothingness."
I hope they never have to remove my spleen. I need it to vent once in a while.
I want a broadcast facility with a rooftop garden so I can marry above my station.
(On seeing the Grand Canyon:) "Jeez, look at all that ugly dirt!"
When it really hits the fan, some people curl up in the fecal position.
I fall in love too easily. I have congenial heart disease.
(Overheard in a restaurant:) "Whasamatta? You gotta eating disorder? " "No I'm just having trouble eating dis order."
He's a real positive guy, but no philospher. The word "Kant" isn't in his vocabulary.
My simplifying explanation had the disconcerting side effect of making the subject incomprehensible.
Wart removal is a growth industry.
A: Paris Hilton.
Q: Who's had more overnight guests than the Paris Hilton?
Raving moonbats should be sent to the hospittle.
Mies van der Rohe got on his wife's bad side one day. He spent weeks in the Bauauhaus.
Sodnagel's Second Law: Given little enough time, nothing is not impossible.
These days, it's hard for an iconoclast to keep up his image.