Since Mar 15, 1998

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Somewhere in the middle of, and very close to, Florida.

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Wordz of Wisdumb:

• The best-laid men gang oft a-gley. -- Robt. Burns

• Regarding the Republican and the Democrat campaigns: From the ridiculous to the slime.

• New Monica cigar: Hav-A-Tampon.

• Pundidiots doth vex me!

• I'm bisexual; buy me something and I get very sexual! (Heather)

• A strong bow is a terrible thing to waste. Please give to the Antonio Janigro College Fund.

• PC baseball: The Madres vs. The Pets.

• The Republicans look to the grassroots for their votes; the Democrats dig about six feet deeper.

• Run amuck. There's a lotta mucks out there a-waitin' to be run!

• That's so ridiculous it must be required by law.

• Whatever bloats yer shoat!

• What in the wide, wide world o' sports is a-goin' on here? (Slim Pickens in Blazing Saddles)

• Aid to Families with Defendant Children

• Yikes!! "'Twas the best of times, 'twas the worst of times!" You scared the Dickens outta me!

• Purdue University
Undue Purversity
Urdu Puniversity

• "Why, you dirty SOB!" He said, acronymously.

• Army Corps of Engineers: "Well, owl be dammed!"

• Zwischen des Teufels und des tiefen, blauen, Meers.

• Brooks' law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Sodnagel's extension: Subtracting manpower from a late software project does too.

• How come wrong numbers are never busy?

• How come it's always in the last place you looked?

• At midnight on December 31, 1999, I expect to crash, and I can't predict how long it will take them to get me up again.

• You are going to either properly raise your children, or you're going to lower them.

• When it rattles by your window, the Chicago "L" annoys.

• Confucius say, "Woman down in cups get boob job."

• If you want to fool millions, start with yourself.

• A: Emissaries, functionaries, luminaries, janissaries, and dromedaries.
Q: Describe a Middle East peace conference.

• Sled dogs and Engishmen go out in the midnight sun.

• Nihilism never amounted to anything.

• Getting captivated by modern music leads to Stockhausen Syndrome.

• Living with a cigar smoker is a form of cohibatation.

• I love electronic things. My pacemaker is especially close to my heart.

• Eat beef. Someone has to control the cow population!

• Tautology: A circular argument with a radius of zero.

• If you had a million congressmen at a million typewriters, and each one churned out a law a minute, how long would it be before you found one that made sense?

• Why, I'm as sharp now as the day I was born!

• Authorities warn that the death rate is STILL 100 per cent.

• Old Principals never die; they just lose their faculties.

• How much kat can a Katmandu if a katman kan du kat?

• How much duct could a duct tape tape if a duct tape could tape duct? (Freeper Mathurine)

• It takes branes to make an alternate universe.

• I invited Benoit Mandelbrot to the Shoreline Grill, but he never got there.

• It takes all kinds. Why, exactly?

• Vulture is its own reward.

• Never say "cover me!" to a country boy.

• If you're going to shoot yourself in the foot, make sure it isn't in your mouth. (Freeper EricT.)

• I finally figured out that my life has a purpose--as a cautionary example to others.

• Yes, English is my first language. I'm hoping to do better on my second.

• Armageddon sentimental over you.

• Go to Sebastopol and Crimea River.

• Why isn't palindrome one?

• A man a plan a canal Suez

• Able was I ere I saw this crappy little island.

• Able was Bob ere Bob saw Elba.

• Live was I ere I saw Evil.

• Dog was I ere I saw God.

• Now Erasmus' sums are won.

• Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Or, get out your 50mm/1.2.

• This is a reversion of the version to the previous revision.

• I was trying to figure it out. But then I sat down and broke my thumb.

• Lo-riders with Hispanasonic sound systems.

• Bequeathing wealth to your Alma Mater creates a moral hazard.

• Don't believe everything you think.

• The outstanding power of the intellectual is that of self-deception.

• She was a piccolo player--a high flutin' gal.

• The Ditzy Chix are a threat to the Country & Western Civilization.

• I've been cultivating a strain of yeast, but I'm afraid it's become inbread.

• Rabbis have "Levi" genes.

• Zen Buddhist saying: "Cleanliness is next to nothingness."

• I hope they never have to remove my spleen. I need it to vent once in a while.

• I want a broadcast facility with a rooftop garden so I can marry above my station.

• (On seeing the Grand Canyon:) "Jeez, look at all that ugly dirt!"

• When it really hits the fan, some people curl up in the fecal position.

• I fall in love too easily. I have congenial heart disease.

• (Overheard in a restaurant:) "Whasamatta? You gotta eating disorder? " "No I'm just having trouble eating dis order."

• He's a real positive guy, but no philospher. The word "Kant" isn't in his vocabulary.

• My simplifying explanation had the disconcerting side effect of making the subject incomprehensible.

• Wart removal is a growth industry.

• A: Paris Hilton.
Q: Who's had more overnight guests than the Paris Hilton?

• Raving moonbats should be sent to the hospittle.

• Mies van der Rohe got on his wife's bad side one day. He spent weeks in the Bauauhaus.

• Sodnagel's Second Law: Given little enough time, nothing is not impossible.

• These days, it's hard for an iconoclast to keep up his image.