Post a joke thread

Me | Today | Self

[Sarah-bot]

People should post their favorite joke on a thread.

[Sarah-bot]

I was looking through the classified ads about six months ago and I found an ad where a couple were selling a full breed dog. I didn't have a dog so I met the people in order to discuss purchasing their dog. When I went to the house I meet the nice people and seen the dog. They told me that the dog was ill behaved and that I would need to send it to obedience school, but it was full blooded. The entire time I was talking to the people the dog was chasing its tale and after I purchased the dog for $500 I had to grab the dog in mid-circle in order to put it in the car. I crumpled the breeding paper and quickly shoved it in my pocket as I was already running late, and then I left. I put the dog in the wash room, left him some food, and then when to bed. The next morning I found the dog chasing his tale, so I decide that once I returned from work I would enroll the dog in obedience school. The next day I dropped the dog off at obedience school and the trainers ensured me that they would stop the dog from chasing its tale before I picked him up in the afternoon. I was sitting in my cubical for about two hours when I got a phone call from the trainers demanding that I pick-up my dog. I asked, "what is the matter? He is a full breed dog, "The trainer didn't want to discuss it and demanded that I pick up the dog. I had to leave work and I was a little irate. When I got to the obedience school I approached the trainer and demanded, "what is going on here?" "That is a full breed dog and a professional trainer should have no problem." The trainer said, " A full breed dog? Let me see the papers." The trainer took a look and said, "Oh, that is the problem. Just take your dog man." "What are you talking about! Just take my dog? I paid good money to have you train my dog." The trainer responded "You will get a full refund. Here, Did you read these papers? Take a look." I looked at the papers and under the breed it read, "Mongreliod."

[Sarah-bot]

Come on, I am not claiming to be a good joke teller, but one can on solicit jokes without throwing one out there.

[valkyry1]

All I have is un-pc jokes, bad jokes, and dumb jokes. So here is one, the latest light bulb joke in Poland.

Pole#1 ‘how many Americans does it take to change a light bulb’

Pole#2 ‘One’ And they all start laughing

;-)

[valkyry1]

Oh, I have got to find the talking dog joke for you ;)

[Jemian]

Issues
Issues
Issues
Issues
Issues
Issues
Issues
Issues
Issues
Issues

What comes next?














Socks!

With ten issues (tennis shoes,) you need socks.

[Sarah-bot]

That is actually a funny joke. The fact that they all started laughing is what makes it funny, but you knew that.

[valkyry1]

This guy sees a sign in front of a house “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be avesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.

“The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, raised a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says “Ten dollars.”

The guy says he’ll buy him, but asks the owner, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him for $10?”

The owner replies, “He never did any of that shit, he’s such a liar.”

[Sarah-bot]

That is an interesting one. The electronic age has change the fact of humor. The joke would be strange verbally delivered.

[Sarah-bot]

Cool I look forward to it.

[piasa]

What's black and white and red all over?

Barack Hussein Obama...

[Sarah-bot]

I like that.

[Sarah-bot]

That is a good beginning. The red all over doesn’t fit unless you are addressing communism. I think you should change red to something attributable to Obama but not obviously attributable. example: What is black and white and born in Kenya. What is black and white and chased wildebeests in its youth. Q: What is black and white and brown all over. A: Baracks B.S. I don’t know but the red thing falls flat.

[valkyry1]

Obama was probably chased by wilderbeests in his youth ;)

[Happy Rain]

An Israeli and a libertarian walk into a crowded Tel Aviv bar where they see a Jihadist holding the detonator to a bomb belt strapped to his waist.

Israeli,”Quick!We have to stop him before he blows himself up!”
Libertarian,”Aw leave him alone—it’s his body,his life,his bomb his business and nobody elses.”
Israeli,”But he will kill us all!”
Libertarian,”Then he will break the law.”

[buschbaby]

A farmer and his wife were about to celebrate their 50th anniversary. After much thought the farmer decides to pamper his wife with a milk bath like the movie stars get.
He calls the dairy and tells the clerk, "I'd want enough milk for my wife to take a bath in."
The clerk hesitates then asks, "Sir, would you like the milk pasteurized?"
The farmers thinks a moment then replies, "Nah, just pass her ass, she can splash it in her eyes."

Ta-Dum - not sure how good that one is to read, but it is a hit told in a southern drawl ;)

[mylife]

That there is funny. (I don’t care who you are)

[BigCinBigD]

A guy has an old friend over and he tells the dog to get two beers out of the fridge and the dog does. This happens several times till the dog comes back and shakes it's head no. The guys friend says that's one smart dog. He knows were out of beer. The owner says watch this. he calls the dog over and puts a twenty under it's collar. Go to the store and get beer boy! And the dog runs out the door.

After a while the dog does not return and the men go looking for him. They see a bush shaking and the owner kicks it and out runs a poodle and it takes off down the street. His dog sheepishly comes out and the guy says.

I don't understand. I've sent you places before and you never did this? The dog looks at him and says...I never had the money before.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

The funniest thing I have read lately (am in process of reading it) is this book:

I Laid An Egg on Aunt Ruth's Head: Conquering English and It's Ruthless Ways

can order here:

All Booked Up Salem Street

click on "order online". This author is holding a book signing at this All Booked Up bookstore in Apex NC this Saturday - it will be a hoot!!!

Great and hilarious book to have beside you when posting on FR and you want to avoid the Grammar Police!

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Just pinging some FRiends to post #18 re: funny book - you might enjoy - esp if you like to laugh!!! LOLOL!

And the book is so helpful for all of us who don’t want the grammar police to get us here on FR!!!

[fredhead]

Why have we had such a cold winter?

There is no heat coming from below.

The Saints won the Super Bowl.

It couldn’t happen until hell froze over.