Come on, I am not claiming to be a good joke teller, but one can on solicit jokes without throwing one out there.
Oh, I have got to find the talking dog joke for you ;)
This guy sees a sign in front of a house “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yep,” the mutt replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would be avesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.
“The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, raised a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says “Ten dollars.”
The guy says he’ll buy him, but asks the owner, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him for $10?”
The owner replies, “He never did any of that shit, he’s such a liar.”
An Israeli and a libertarian walk into a crowded Tel Aviv bar where they see a Jihadist holding the detonator to a bomb belt strapped to his waist.
Israeli,”Quick!We have to stop him before he blows himself up!”
Libertarian,”Aw leave him alone—it’s his body,his life,his bomb his business and nobody elses.”
Israeli,”But he will kill us all!”
Libertarian,”Then he will break the law.”
Slow down man, give people more than 13 minutes before 5am.
Three guys walk into a bar.
“Bam!”
“Bam!”
“Bam!”
You’d think the third one woulda ducked.
I don’t know any jokes. Do you?
What’s black and white and red and can’t turn around in the hallway?
A Nun with a spear through her head!
From the Notre Dame student newspaper “The Observer”:
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
With a baseball bat!