Posted on 09/15/2005 12:14:39 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view...
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
Sure..if you promise to post my bail...
Yep.
Oh, man, duct tape is soooo much more important. WD-40, too. I can fix anything with those.
I swear, can you guys EVER admit it when you make a mistake????!!!!!
I fall asleep right after sex, and snore loudly, because you were wonderful, and you just knocked me out..."
Oh, I promise. It would be quite worth it!
ha
1. Don't expect us to Know where and where Not to put capital Letters.
You're not going to win on this one. Not asking for directions paid off big time. He ended up with an even better discovery by getting lost!
Sex OR duct tape? I didn't realize we had to choose one or the other.
SD
But then you don't see us peeing on the seat.....
They CAN work together....
I tried the VS route, but he won't even notice me unless I have a sports team logo on my outfit.
In fact, I think I'll hit Payless tonight.....
Why is it that women don't understand this?
AMEN to Rule #1 (If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.)
1. I don't care if I win. I'm a girl, and not competitive.
2. There wasn't really anyone to ask for directions, anyhow. I just thought it was kinda funny that they used Columbus as evidence that guys don't need directions.
3. At the time, Columbus was looking for an easier way to get to India, as they kept getting into trouble "because in those days the Muslim Ottoman Empire of Turkey which ruled the middle east caused lots of problems to European Christian merchants who tried to pass through their land." (Who knew that Muslims could cause trouble? I thought they were only pissed off because of Israel Iraq, but I digress). India had spices, silk, and all sorts of goodies, and America had nothing but angry Natives and wild land. We think that is cool, but I imagine their were a bunch of Nobles in Spain who were highly distressed.
So, your answer is wrong!!!!!! How bout that for irony???? Bwaaaahahahahaha! ; )
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