HUMANS EVOLVED FROM PIGS - not from monkeys, new theory states!

The Weekly World News ^ | 04/19/2004

[MRMEAN]

HUMANS EVOLVED FROM PIGS - not from monkeys, new theory states! Charles Darwin was wrong -- humans evolved from pigs, not apes. And that explains the Biblical prohibition against consuming the flesh of our oinking relatives, according to a startling new theory. "It's hard to believe, but you and Porky Pig are kissing cousins," says genetic scientist Dr. Basil Hainwright of London. "Dim recollections of a time when we trotted on all fours and rolled in the mud with our family members probably survived into Neolithic times. "And so it is hardly surprising that dietary laws making taboo the eating of pork -- one step away from cannibalism -- found their way into the holiest texts of ancient man." Until modern-day DNA science came of age and researchers meticulously analyzed the specific genes of mankind and other creatures, it was widely assumed that humans and hogs were as distantly related as we look. But the latest research shows the two species are unbelievably close. "It turns out humans and pigs shared a common ancestor just 64 million years ago -- a blink of the eye in evolutionary terms," Dr. Hainwright says. "My research suggests that this creature looked far more like a pig than an ape. It walked on all fours, had an upturned snout and a small, curly tail. "If you saw it today, you would definitely identify it as a pig." The close relationship explains the many similarities between the species today: *Both are extremely intelligent. *Both are omnivores, eating meat as well as vegetables. *Both are highly adaptable, capable of gentle behavior in a protective environment, while capable of great aggression when forced to fend for themselves. "This also explains why pig organs are so successful in transplants into humans," explains Dr. Hainwright. "Not only are the genetic differences almost inconsequential, but the closeness of size and function of pig organs make them perfectly compatible with the human body. "Even the most primitive savages have noted the extraordinary resemblance: A name given by cannibals to human meat is 'long pig.' "And of course, in schools around the world, fetal pigs are chosen for dissection because they're virtually identical at a certain stage to an unborn human." While all this may sound creepy, Dr. Hainwright says it shouldn't cause us to abandon xenotransplantion, as the use of pig organs is known -- and he doesn't even believe we should give up our beloved bacon and pork chops. "At some point in evolution, our ancestors climbed out of the mud, began walking erect and started using tools," he explains. "Our less-ambitious cousins developed into the Middle-Eastern wild boar Sus scrofa, the ancestor of domesticated breeds of pigs now raised for food in Great Britain and the U.S. "While we may from time to time look at a pig struggling in its pen and honking in fear as it's taken to the slaughterhouse, and imagine ourselves in its place, the reality is evolution has led us quite far from our piggish ancestors."

[Fiddlstix]

Click the Pic J

[Zivasmate]

I think you've got it backwards. I know some perfectly fine human beings who after a period of time, mostly thanks to our decaying culture, evolved into pigs.

[Buggman]

Wow. The feminazis were actually ahead of the curve for once. ;)

[xzins]

pingolution

[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the ping!

[Corin Stormhands]

At least that explains the attraction...

[SunkenCiv]

:'D

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

"Uh..uh-bedee-bedee-bedee, that's all folks!"

[thor76]

Humans eveolved from pigs? Well - that explains my neighbors...........

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

Impossible, humans always run upstairs (climb trees) when chased. (AT Least in the movies):)

[ATOMIC_PUNK]

WOW I'm a cannibal with a whole freezer full of pig I'm eating my ancestors

[derheimwill]

If the Biblical account is true, there aught to be genetic links through all sorts of genetic lines. Adam was made from dust. Any good natural scientist knows of what dust is mostly comprised: shed skin cells.

[Bellflower]

Humans evolving from pigs now, can we get any more stupid? Next it will be the cockroach. It's amazing that they can write this stuff and not be laughed off the planet.

[sayfer bullets]

Vincent: You want some bacon?
Jules: No, man, I don't eat pork.

Vincent: Are you Jewish?


Jules: No, I ain't Jewish, man, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Vincent: Why not?

Jules: Pigs are intelligent animals. I don't eat intelligent animals.

Vincent: But bacon tastes good, pork chops taste good...

Jules: Hey, dolphin might taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat him. Pigs feel and reason and think, that's an intelligent animal. I don't eat nothin' that's got a sense of its own.