"What're you gonna do, bleed on me?"WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
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MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
Friday Silliness Thread Ping!
I would think the answer would be "very carefully".
-Eric
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
1. Eat much brown rice
2. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
3. Memorize your favorite poem.
4. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
5. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
6. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
7. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
8. Believe in love at first sight.
9. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
10. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
11. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
12. Don't judge people by their relatives.
13. Talk slowly but think quickly.
14. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,
"Why, do you want to know?"
15. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk
16. Call your mum.
17. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
18. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
19. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
20. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
21. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
22. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
23. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
24. Spend some time alone.
25. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
26. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
27. Read more books and watch less TV.
28. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
29. Trust in God but lock your car.
30. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
31. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
32. Read between the lines.
33. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
34. Be gentle with the earth.
35. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
36. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
37. Mind your own business.
38. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
39. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
40. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
41. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
42. Learn the rules then break some.
43. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
44. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
45. Remember that your character is your destiny.
46. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon
Very funny, thanks.
WOO HOO, now I can get scarmabled!
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Where's BigB? Is he still out with the newet pledge class?
Ping.
No. But I have heard about the dyslexic insomniac who stayed awake all night wondering whether there really is a Dog.
"What're you gonna do, bleed on me?"Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
Those are freakin' classic!!!
Do you have a ping list and if so, could you add me to it please!?
Cheers!
Stop this thread immediately! It's silly.
These are not the 'droids you are looking for!"
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Listen to her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Romance her,
Believe her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Show up naked,
Bring food.
(Quoting from Monty Python skits has become tiresome. . . harumph!)
Here!!
http://i.a.cnn.net/si/features/2005_swimsuit/models/images/05_underwater_07.jpg
Did you hear that Jeffrey Dahlmer had his mother over to his apartment? They were eating lunch and she said "You know, Jeff, I really don't like your friends."
And he replied:
"Then just eat the vegetables."