Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
Senator Kennedy is flying on a fact finding mission to California. In order to show what a wonderful man he is, Senator Kennedy allows a priest and a hippie who wanted to visit California to ride with him. Unfortunately, halfway through the trip the pilot comes out and says, "We've just lost both engines and the plane is going to crash. The bad news is, there are only four parachutes on the plane. The co-pilot and I are taking these two." With that the pilot and co-pilot strap on parachutes and bail out.
Senator Kennedy says, "I am one of the most important and most brilliant men in this country, probably the world. I must survive this flight so that I may carry on the important business of the United States Government on behalf of the people of Massachusetts. This country would be lost without my intellectual prowess." With that the Senator straps on a pack and bails out.
The priest says, "My son, I have had a long and fruitful life and I am at peace with G-d. You, on the other hand, are young and have much to look forward to. You take the last parachute, and may G-d bless you."
The hippie says, "Don't sweat it, Father. The most brilliant man in the world just jumped out of this airplane with my backpack."
Shalom.