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Posted on 07/16/2004 6:35:11 AM PDT by JustAmy
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I am going to save the poem where I save the graphic. If the Zot reference is removed, I can probably re-use it. :)
Do you wnat me to edit out the Zot reference or would you like to do it?
Smudge is the neighbor's kitty.
He's something like 15 or so years old.
He's rarely outside these days, but when he is he's usually basking in the sun.
Just pull the ZOTSRUS and Previously posted and that will be fine.
I'll go back and read more later.
It is a funny thread.
It has it's high and lows.
I need a long nap... but before I do that I have to let y'all know it's "Talk To A Telemarketer Day" so if a Telemarketer calls you today be friendly. Go forward and ask probing personal questions and try sharing long pointless anecdotes from your childhood. Let them know how much you enjoy talking with them!
My mom (a nurse) has fun with Telemarketers by telling them ALL about her medical conditions when they ask "How are you today"? She tries to see how many letters of the alphabet she can get through before being hung up on. hehehehe
Here's some ideas for y'all to try when you're being 'nice' to telemarketers today.
"A" - acid reflux
"B" - bunions
"C" - canker sores
"D" - dementia
"E" - erectile dysfunction
"F" - epilepsy
"G" - gas
"H" - If the telemarketer is still on the line - just for fun - fake a heart attack! ;-)
"I" - incontinence
Well, y'all get the idea, I'm sure. Let's see who can get through the most letters! For the really adventurous, start at "Z" and go backwards! hahahaha
 Telemarketer: How are you today Jen? Jen: I am SO glad you asked! So many people don't really care how I am! You know? You are so kind to call and ask me. As a matter of fact, I have an ache in my lower left side, and I think it might be appendicitis, but I'm not sure. It could be from eating too many green apples. What do you think? Have you ever had appendicitis? My brother had appendecitis when he was a kid, but I never did and neither did my sister. But my mother's aunt's daughter - I guess that would make her a cousin - of my mom's not mine, I mean, - had a sharp pain in her side and her mom - the aunt and - her husband - the aunt's not my mom's husband - rushed her to the hospital and you would not believe what happened along the way. My mom's cousin - I think that's what she is - had a baby in the back seat of the car. I am not making this up. She was a pretty heavy girl and she said she didn't even know she was pregnant or how it happened. But come on, nobody in the family believed that. Would you? Anyway, my mom's aunt passed out cold. Good thing she wasn't driving! Huh? Hello? Hello? Helllllloooooo???? |
Well..
*cough*
early on in my marraige a telemarketer called while the missus and I were otherwise occupied.
So I answered the phone.
But didn't stop being occupied.
The most GRIEVOUS of Phone Etiquette sins one can commit.
I know, it was just plain rude on my part, but to hear the poor telemarketer stammer was amusing.
haha ! I got on the "Do Not Call" list January 2nd and don't get
NEAR as many annoying calls as I used to. What a deal !!
LOL
Hi, Jen.
Happy "Talk To A Telemarketer Day". I wonder if I could get off the 'don't call' list for one day? hmmm ... it might be fun to talk to a telemarketer using your techniques. LOL
It's nice that you've had your nephew, Bryce, for a few days. Little ones are so sweet and sooooo tiring. :) How old is he?
"Wrong Way" Corrigan
Douglas Corrigan examining a compass with General Evan Humphreys after Corrigan "mistakenly" flew from New York to Ireland. Corrigan claimed that he had read the compass incorrectly, and he never admitted that his trans-Atlantic flight was undertaken intentionally because he was unable to get official permission. Corrigan returned to the United States after his flight as a folk hero, and his antics gave rise to the expression "Wrong Way Corrigan."
After having been refused a license to fly to Ireland in 1937, on July 17, 1938, aviator Douglas Corrigan (1907-1995) left Floyd Bennett Airfield in Brooklyn, New York for California. Twenty-eight hours and 13 minutes later, he landed outside Dublin, Ireland after "accidentally" going the wrong way. Twenty months later, he signed this photograph picturing him waving from the cockpit of an airplane.
LOL
I've heard the expression, "Wrong Way" Corrigan, most of my life; but I never knew the rest of the story.
Thanks for sharing the info with us.
I'm getting an education here. ;~)
I'll be back in an hour or so. I have a couple of errands to take care of.
OK, back on telemarketing: How to have fun with a telemarketer.
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
Telemarketer Game (Rated PG)
Tormenting Telemarketers
Tormenting Telemarketers. A Game You Can Play at Home!
Everyone has gotten a call from a Telemarketer. The new
Scourge of the Telephone System. Previously when the phone
rang, you always wondered if it was someone you knew, or
another schmuck with something to sell. Well, the time has
come to turn the tables. We need to take control of our own
phones. We need to take the "market" out of Telemarketing.
Premise:
Telemarketers take the brute force approach to making sales.
If you talk to a whole bunch of people, someone will buy what
you are selling.
Counter-Tactic:
Waste as much of their time as you can. For each
minute that you waste means several potential customers that
will not be reached. Make Telemarketing unprofitable.
Hanging up only increases the changes for them to make a
sale. Don't let this happen!
Hints:
Most of the preliminary stuff is done by someone making
minimum wage, and reads a script. Let them finish. It's easy
points, and you were watching Star Trek and weren't using
your phone anyway. It's easy to keep them interested using
"attentive grunting", similar to when your mother calls.
Basic Point System:
For each minute spent on the phone - 10 pts.
Getting transferred to someone who makes
more than minimum wage - 15 pts.
For each minute spent on the phone with person making more
than minimum wage - 25 pts
Bonus Points:
Getting them to repeat part of the "script" - 5 pts/each.
Getting answers to stupid questions - 15 pts/each
Changing the subject - 50 pts/each.
Making the salesperson angry - 175 pts.
Making the salesperson hang up - 750 pts.
Call back, get their boss on the phone, and
tell them the salesperson hung up on you - 1500 pts.
Getting their 1-800-number - 10 pts.
Checking the number a week later and it is
busy or disconnected - 5000 pts.
Example:
Ring
Me: Yes?
Them: Hi, I'm with Fly-By-Night Carpet Cleaning and we're
in your area [...] [start clock->]
Them: [...] would like to know it you are interested?
Me: Sure...
Them: Well, we are currently offering [...]
Them: [...] depending on the size of the rooms.
Me: Well, how much for the whole house? [15 bonus
pts!]
Them: Let me transfer you to
Them: Sir?
Me: Yes? [25 pts/min!]
Them: How large is your house?
Me: Oh, about 2,000 sqft.
Them: [...] Well, that would be about $xxx
Me: [duh?] It won't hurt the floor, will it?
Them: Oh, no! We use a [...this usually takes some
time!...] and is completely safe.
Me: [duh?] Even with my pets?
Them: Oh, yes. The chemicals we use [...]
Me: Do you have to pre-treat, since I have pets?
Them: Yes, and we do that with [...]
Me: [repeat!] But the original offer was for
$39.95, does that include treating for pets?
Them: [...]
Me: [subject change] Well, it is kind of dirty. The
guys were over for the game. Did you see the Cowboys vs. the
Rams?
Them: Yes.
Me: What a game! That last touchdown pass! Wasn't that
a great play?
Them: Well, back to your house...
Me: Oh yes, what about moving the furniture?
Them: [...]
Me: [subject change] Do you clean furniture, too?
Those guys spilled some beer. Have you smelled old beer on
furniture before? But what a game, eh?! I couldn't believe
that they couldn't move the ball in the second
quarter...[...]
Them: [angry???] Ahem... Would you like us to come out?
Me: Well, when could you come out?
Them: How about next week?
Me: Hmmm... Morning or afternoon?
Them: Either would be fine.
Me: Do you have anything the week after?
Them: Sure, can I put you down for Tuesday?
[Okay, let's try for those last big bonus points:]
Me: Well, I don't think it matters, since I have all
hardwood floors here!
Them: click Yes! 750 points!
I like all sorts of music too. Anything from rock to country to classical. But I don't care for Gangsta Rap.
It was nice meeting you too.
I have been lazy on my writing for a few weeks but if you hang out on Amy's Place you'll see me from time to time.
Hope to see you more.
You too. It's finally quieted down here some. :)
I called it a "rumper sticker" in my poem, "Before There Was Dirt" which is posted on my about page.
My favorite bumper sticker said, 'Driver carries no cash -- he's married'
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