Free Republic Smokers' Lounge

Puff List ^ | 4/30.04 | francisandbeans

[Just another Joe]

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Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the Free Republic...

Smoker's Lounge

Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...

Smoke 'em if you got 'em shssh
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aaaaa,:`___________________________||`,:'.",`.;'`,:'.',`: <--------Life is good!
A very special thank you to Registered for providing us with this fine logo....we will bear it with pride.

[Gabz]

OUCH

[Don W]

OK, this is a 2-parter. You''ll have to open a new wimdow and go to THIS SITE

Keep your cursor off to the side until you see the creature underwater.

Then pass your cursor over the image.

[Gabz]

I'm so sorry Jacqui.........I'll keep you all in my prayers.

The bar is open and your tab is covered.

[Don W]

G'Day, mate!

Here's a smoking related ha-ha, just for you!

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Lady 1: Where did you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers...

Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted...

[bwteim]

" little computer planes"

Thanks ;)

[KangarooJacqui]

Cheers Gabz.

At least I have an explanation for why I felt so awful this week (my free-floating anxiety was actually telling me something, for once). I can't imagine what my sister-in-law is going through, losing her father just months after her brother (my late husband). They lost their mother eleven years ago, so that's my poor sister-in-law effectively with no family left.

*lights another cigarette* hmmmm, I'm sure that's just smoke in my eyes... (dammit, it has to be, because if I start crying now I'm not gonna stop.)

[KangarooJacqui]

"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."

First, VERY WELCOME laugh on a rainy Brisbane Saturday morning, Don... thanks! :-)

[Don W]

Jacqui, you and your S-I-L have my sincere condolences.

Perhaps a blonde joke to lighten the mood?


Time off

Two factory workers were talking.

"I think I'll take some time off from work." said the man.

"How do you think you'll do that?" asked the blonde.

He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.

The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?

"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.

"I think you need some time off," said the boss.

So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.

The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her "Where do you think you're going?"

The blonde answered, "Home, I can't work in the dark".

[SheLion]

Then pass your cursor over the image.

OMG THAT'S AWFUL!

[SheLion]

SheLion, I'm in lust with that avatar! Don? All my animation won't work. She is animated. Do you have any idea why my animated images do not work? They just stopped yesterday.

I emailed the server, Host File, but have not heard back yet. Can you fill me in on why they stopped?

[Gabz]

Oh you dear girl..........You've had a lot of hurt lately haven't you?

She has family.......she's got you.......you maybe half way around the world, but you obviously care about her.

[Don W]

Another one that's a few days late, but still amusing.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.

But as we know...

the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day...

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th...

and is known...

of course...




as "Sinko de Mayo."

[Don W]

I have no idea, but it's probably in your system, as she's dancing rather naughtily for me as we speak.

[Gabz]

I don't know who liked that more......me or hubby!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gabz]

That one is bad..........

[Gabz]

It's your browser..........your animations are working just fine.

[Don W]

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed.

The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know love," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says, "Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

[Don W]

A father's letter to his daughter's boyfriend....

Dear Spike,

I have been unable to sleep since I forced my daughter to break off her engagement to you. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoos, and pierced nose, tongue and ears.

I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous,and I really should not have reacted the way I did to the fact that you have never held a job.
I am sure, too, that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park.

Sure, my daughter is only 17 and wants to marry you instead of going to McGill University on a full ride scholarship. After all you can't learn everything about life from books.

I sometimes forget how backward I can be.

I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses and you have my full blessing to marry my daughter.

Sincerely,

Your future father-in-law....


P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery

[KangarooJacqui]

It still got a laugh out of me (after the obligatory groan)

[Don W]

Ole, Lars and Sven: Norwegian Boys from Minnesota!

Three good old Norwegian boys Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway hall meetings as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn't ya know it, they never won a prize at the monthly drawing.

That is, until last meeting.

Sven was the first one of the three to have his name drawn. He won two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles and three pounds of Swedish meatballs.

Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to Duluth, Minnesota, 2 nights' stay at the Dew Drop Inn, and a pair of tickets to see the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble. Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven.

Lars was the last one to have his name drawn. He won a toilet brush.

At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out how they had fared for the past month. Sven said, "Uff da, I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn't have to buy food for dem dere tree days."

Ole said, "Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets. The trip up to Duloot was nice, and we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know, they got a built-in outhouse on dat dere bus. And the Inger triplets, if I didn't know better, I would swear dey vere sisters."

Then Ole turned to Lars, and asked him how his prize worked out. Lars looked at them both and said, "Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I'll go back to using paper".