Posted on 10/26/2012 9:36:33 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson
Imagine if Rachel Maddow, Janeane Garofalo, and Sandra Fluke got together and somehow were able to produce a child. Sandy was off her pills one month, Rachel was feeling randy, and Janeane was in there somewhere, too. So assuming this dérange à trois could produce offspring, what would it look like? Answer: Lena Dunham.
Who is Lena Dunham, you ask? Well, I had to ask, too, when I came across that name last night. When I first saw it, I thought it said "Leon Durham," the old first baseman for my Chicago Cubs. Leon Durham--the guy who let that ground ball go through his legs against the Padres (pulling a Buckner two years before Buckner), thus costing the Cubs a trip to the World Series. Yeah, that Leon Durham. I still get upset about it.
But I digress. Back to Lena Dunham. It turns out left-leaning Lena is some actress type on a show I've never heard of. But apparently a few people do watch her show--about 30 or 40 college-age girls, it seems. That would be the demographic the Obama campaign is going after with a new YouTube VIDEO that Lena Dunham did for them, called "Your First Time."
The theme of the video is Ms. Dunham comparing premarital sex with voting for Barack Obama. The first time you fornicate, it should be with a great guy, and that guy is Barack Obama. He's Mr. Dreamy. So lay down on your back, open wide, and pull the lever. That's about the size of it. Sluts for Obama. I kid you not.
Now wait a minute. . . . Dunham, Dunham--where have I heard that name before? That's right! Stanley Ann Dunham and her boy Barry! Maybe Lena and Our President are related, on the freaky white Dunham side. That would explain the weirdness. Call in Henry Louis Gates, and he can do a DNA test.
So Lena Dunham has done this "Your First Time" video, and it has gone viral. Ewww, maybe I should rephrase that. It has taken off faster than Big Bird on a binder full of horses. Besides lighting up Lena, BO gives the DUmmies the Big "O," too, and so they luv the vid, of course. Witness this THREAD, "Lena Dunham (of HBOs "Girls"): Your First Time." You can view the video embedded--no pun intended--at that DUmmieland link, in case the YouTube link doesn't work.
But before we get to the debauched DUmmies, let us first hear from the deflowered Ms. Dunham herself--we'll call this part the DUnham FUnnies--in Baboon Butt Red, while the commentary of your gobsmacked humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, hoping this Dunham video is seen by millions, since it will cause all decent and civilized people to vote for Romney, is in the [Barackets]:
Your first time shouldn't be with just anybody. You want to do it with a great guy. It should be with a guy with beautiful . . .
[. . . contraceptives.]
Someone who really cares about and understands women.
[Someone like, oh, Ted Kennedy or Bill Clinton.]
A guy who cares whether you get health insurance, and specifically whether you get birth control.
[But only if you don't have to pay for it yourself.]
The consequences are huge.
[Hugh, I tell you!]
You want to do it with a guy who brought the troops out of Iraq.
[And pulled the security team out of Benghazi.]
You don't want a guy who says, "Oh hey, I'm at the library studying," when he's really out not signing the Lilly Ledbetter Act.
[ICK! You DON'T want to do the Sandra Fluke Act with HIM!]
Or who thinks that gay people should never have beautiful, complicated weddings of the kind we see on Bravo or TLC all the time.
[It's a FUnnie world nowadays, isn't it? The heterosexuals DON'T want to get married, and the homos DO!]
It's a fun game to say, "Who are you voting for?" and they say "I don't want to tell you," and you say, "No, who are you voting for?" and they go, "Guess!"
[Wheeeee!!! It's FUn!]
Think about how you want to spend those four years. In college-age time, that's 150 years.
[And after those 150 years, you still won't be able to get a job.]
Also, it's super uncool to be out and about and someone says, "Did you vote?" and "No, I didn't vote, I wasn't ready."
[So make sure that you ARE ready! All you college-age girls, be sure and GET OUT THERE AND VOTE on November 7th!]
My first time voting was amazing. It was this line in the sand.
[Kind of like the Fluke bedroom, where's there's a line in the Sandra.]
Before I was a girl. Now I was a woman.
[And now I'm making this idiotic ad.]
I went to the polling station and pulled back the curtain.
[I was ready to be polled.]
I voted for Barack Obama.
[Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! You did it with Mr. Dreamy! And once you've done Barack, you'll never go back! . . . But, but, wait. . . . Lena, I read on your bio that you are 26 years old. That means that the first time you were eligible to vote was in . . . in 2004, not 2008. Hmmm. . . . Did you not vote for Jean-Francois Kerry?? You know, the guy who served in Vietnam? Are you saying Kerry was slut-boated? Were you not ready? Or were you saving yourself for Barack?]
[The DUmmies now dig on Dunham . . .]
Lena Dunham (of HBOs "Girls")
[Now she's one of BHO's "Girls."]
Your First Time
[Virginia is in a swing state.]
Cute
[Cute, with cooties.]
I just saw it and came to see if it had been posted.
[Oh, she's been posted, alright.]
Oh, and it's pissing off the creepy Republicans, so... YAY!!
[YAY for offending all decent and civilized people and driving them to vote for Romney!!]
Yes, they are trashing it big time.
[Lena scores high in the trash poll!]
She's voting with her lady parts!
[T M I !!]
Can't wait for the follow up video.
[I can see it now: "I Was Barack's Baby Mama!" Stay classy, Obama campaign!]
Believe me, when I was a young bad-boy stallion, making sure she got lots of contraception was ALWAYS on the front of the mind! I paid for it myself. I don't want to get stuck with the tattooed lady for 18 years.
No one has addressed the real question.
Would laz hit it?
Is it me, or does she look A LOT like Chris Matthews around the eyes and mouth?
He’s Laz. He’d hit it like a dinosaur-killing asteroid.
Is that Fred Savage? I was ‘wonder’ing what he was doing these days. Playing some ugly chick on an HBO show, huh?
No wonder she got a thrill up her leg.
With this episode the Obama campaign has jumped the slut.
Oh dear Lord! Our poor children. What is happening to our society?
if you’re a little woman you won’t do it with anybody.
You’ll do it with everybody
Oops. I meant LIBERAL womyn.
.... pass.
So, let me get thtis straight:
Obama just admitted that voting for him for the first time, is just like getting screwed for the first time.
And that, for most women, is a little painful, definitely unsatisfying, and usually ends in a bloody mess.
Gloria Allred lines up Laz's October Surprise.
Top 40.
Lazamataz: Lazamataz.
Gloria Allred: ... and you post on Free Republic?
Lazamataz: I do.
Gloria Allred: And would it be fair to say that you post the phrase "I'd hit it" from time to time.
Lazamataz: That would be a fair characterization.
Gloria Allred: .... and you have posted it to pictures of Helen Thomas?
Lazamataz: I have.
Gloria Allred: KNOWING that Helen Thomas is 178 years of age....
Lazamataz: She's my fantasy.
Gloria Allred: I see. What else would you 'hit'? (Allred wrinkles her nose)
Lazamataz: Barney the Dinosaur, the Frito Bandito, anyone Swedish, including the little jelly Swedish Fish candies...
Gloria Allred: We get the picture. Would it be fair to say you would hit anything even slightly concave?
Lazamataz: I'd hit a concave lens.
Gloria Allred: Yet you will NOT hit my client.
Lazamataz: No ma'am.
Gloria Allred: And why not?
Lazamataz: Too repulsive. Lesbian. Wants to vote for Obama.
Dunham: (sobbing audibly)
Lazamataz: Isn't that discrimination????!?
Gloria Allred: Why yes, ma'am, I guess it is.
Observers in court: (begin to murmer)
Gloria Allred: So YOU, by your OWN ADMISSION, *ADMIT* you are WITHHOLDING YOUR HIT, against the LAWS of the United States, and in full contravention of all that is right and holy!!!
Observers in court: (begin murmuring loudly) (occasional phrases of "That's wrong," and "Guilty" can be heard)
Judge: (banging gavel) Order! This court will come to order!
Lazamataz: Ma'am, I'm sorry. It may be wrong -- even illegal -- to withhold a Laz hit, but...I cannot bring myself to do it....
Observers in court (erupt with angry cries) "KILL HIM!" "LOCK HIM UP!" "WHAT A CREEP!"
Judge: (banging gavel harder) Baliff! Escort these witnesses out! I WILL HAVE ORDER!!!!
(Roll credits, cue Perry Mason music)
You may have left a word out of that line...
..but I hope not.
Laz's Counsel: Objection. Relevancy.
Gloria Allred: I'll rephrase. You have answered you would not hit a repulsive lesbian who's voting for 0bama. Would you hit a repulsive non-lesbian who not only is voting for 0bama but has worn through 14 pairs of 0bama knee-pads?
Laz's Counsel: Objection. Still irrelevant.
Judge: Sustained. But I'm still going to allow the question, because I think FRee Republic needs to know just how depraved Laz is.
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