Who left the dimensional door open? - Thread 032

Online News ^ | 01/29/2002 | Unknown

[acnielsen guy]

THREAD 032

Dregs and Flakes

Posts since 1/29/02 34,258

[lodwick]

Have fun with the etcetera Gran.

[lodwick]

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"

"A women broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad."

[lodwick]

[habs4ever]

Oh that is good!What a payback!

I don't try to spell with my soup, though.I eat it before it gets cold .

[lodwick]

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.

"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said "Nelson."

The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"

Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On the road again".

The lady was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got.

If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

Suddenly, at a traffic light, her light turned green and she pulled out. Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small sports utility vehicle speeding toward her. She swerved and narrowly missed a head-on collision."

"ASSHOLE," she muttered.

And, from the radio.... "Ladies and gentlemen, the former President of the United States, Mr. Bill Clinton...

[lodwick]

Some difficult words to say when you are drunk...

Specificity

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

British Constitution


Some absolutely impossible words to say when you are drunk.


Thanks, but I don't want sex.

No, I don't want another drink.

No more kabobs for me thank you.

Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me.

Good evening officer.

I'm not interested in fighting you.

No one wants to hear me sing.

[lodwick]

bentmember revealed

[Kathleen]

but I didn´t want to get our ladies into a lather of lechery...:)

Not to worry Captain, it's our natural state. ;-)

[westmex]

Sunset, Mt Vernon,WA.

Night all...

........Westy......

[acnielsen guy]

Captain's Log Friday March 7th 2003

Caloosahatchee River: Cape Coral Bridge
Units are feet
Friday 2003-03-07
Sunrise 6:45 AM EST, Sunset 6:32 PM EST
Moonrise 9:23 AM EST, Moonset 10:37 PM EST
High Tide: 5:42 AM EST 0.60
Low Tide: 12:01 PM EST 0.20
High Tide: 5:19 PM EST 0.79

Link to last Captain´s Log

Astronomy Picture of the Day
Cruel site of the day
On this Day
Daily Horoscope

Number of posts in the prev 24 hours:..015
Number of posts in the last 24 hours:...016

[acnielsen guy]

Granny's Chimney Korner

T-Shirt Underwear

Turning a top into a bottom and making your bottom tiptop

Granny's Weird Links

[lodwick]

Very nice pic of Kilimanjaro - thanks.

[lodwick]

Stockholm Harbour

[Darksheare]

I leave ya guys alone for abit, and see what happens?
I told ya it rubs off!

[Sundog]

Gorgeous pics, Loddy,

Now Here's a political cartoon for ya all...

[lodwick]

LOL - thanks.

(Now get back to work.)

A fantastic Friday to one and all.

[lodwick]

I normally never post jokes because usually I'm the only person in the world who hasn't heard it...but here goes:

Before the inauguration, George Bush was invited to a get-acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. George was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said," when I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who pissed in your saxophone.



579 posted on 03/07/2003 1:51 PM CST by Cuttnhorse

[Sundog]

Good one.


Here's a strange but true story.
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, the
president, Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal
complications of a bizarre death.

Here is the story:

On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald
Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The
decedent had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to
commit suicide. He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency.
As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun
blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the
shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed
just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers
and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the
way he had planned.

Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit
suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be
what he intended" is still defined as committing suicide. That Mr. Opus
was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below at street level,
but the suicide attempt probably would not have been successful because
of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a
homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated
was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing
vigorously, and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so
upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and
the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus. When one intends
to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of
the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge, the old
man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the
shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was his long standing habit to
threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to
murder her. Therefore, the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident,
that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old
couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal
accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's
financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the
shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his
father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part
of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed
that the son was in fact Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent
over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This
led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be
killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The
son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed
the case as a suicide. Very tidy of him.

--A true story from Associated Press, by Kurt Westervelt

[Darksheare]

Now THAT is the definition of a PATHETIC LOSER.
Tries to engineer the murder of his mother, yet fails. Tries to kill himself and succeeds, but not as he planned...
"Those who dig pits for others ultimately fall in them."?

[Sundog]

Hi Darks,

This is the third machine I can use to login onto FreeRepublic, it is my Mac at home. I finally got the booger figured out. Tech support gave me eleven pages and all I had to do was digest every word and provide the magic incantation to the right dialog box.

I'm a firm believer in the 'Truth is stranger than fiction' category, and also in the 'There is nothing new under the sun' camp. Many MANY years ago I bought books (with the last of my food money, mind you, so I went hungry for several days afterward) which contained the ancient scriptures of the ancient world as compiled in 1917, in 14 volumes. It had never been read before, because the printing was done on folded pages and I use a buck knife to cut the pages open when I get to them. It gives it an enchanting (as in rediscovering lost knowledge) feeling.
I promised myself I would, in my later years, go through them, every one, cover to cover. The oldest date from 3000BC and the newest stuff is about 500 AD. It skips all the stuff that is easily available. It was a numbered limited edition, this one is in the teens of only 1000 printed.

Those old books paint some pretty graphic images of hell in several references and they also point out some very interesting aspects of passing on. A large part of the problem of passing is in the terrible grief that those who remain express, and it becomes a terrible impediment. Then for those whose evil deeds outweigh their good ones, a stinking cold wind blows stronger and more pungent until about the third day, when the spirit can no longer stand either the stench or the blast, and is carried into the nether world configured to provide an ample illusion of solitary confinement and darkness. Conditions grow much worse as you begin to go down levels.

As I remember my Christianity, those who remained were supposed to be happy when someone passed away, since they were going to a better place, and these old books explain the logic and truth of that, in facilitating the transition to where every facet of existence is 'sublime'.

Oh, well, none of this is probably news to you, and I have wanted to put some of it into an eerie surreal manuscript, but you seem to have beat me to that point.

Sure has been a quiet thread these past few days, I was looking at the posts per day and we are around 14 and have been for some days now.

Gotta Go, Kid needs something done upstairs and a toilet's busted loose from its moorings and threatens to come detached from the plumbing.