Posted on 03/05/2025 12:41:43 PM PST by Twotone
While everyone can agree that guns are awesome (and if you don't think so, you're probably gay), it can be difficult to determine which gun is right for any given scenario.
The manly gun experts at the Babylon Bee are here to help you know exactly which gun you need for each job:
1. General home defense: M1 Garand. Enjoy the sweet sounds of storming Omaha Beach right in your living room.
2. Deer hunting: Bazooka.
3. Attracting the ladies: Guns don't work here; you'll need an oversized anime sword. 4. Political debates: A Marin le Bourgeoys flintlock pistol. Should be accurate up to 10 paces.
5. Scaring away daughter's suitors: Trusty Remington 870 12-gauge. Simply rack the pump-action and watch those pencil-neck dweebs scurry away.
6. Dealing with bounty hunters sent by Jabba the Hutt to collect a price on your head: BlasTech DL-44. It works best if you're the one who shoots first.
7. Seeing your bros from across the room: Finger guns.
8. Fighting off fanatical alien zealots who are trying to trigger a superweapon that will destroy all sentient life in the galaxy: Trusty MA5B assault rifle and a coupla sticky grenades.
9. Driving cattle through yonder pass before the Comanches arrive: A classic lever-action rifle.
10. Looking like a tool at the range: A tactical lever-action rifle.
11. 5th-grade sleepover: Nerf Elite Titan CS-50. Revel in the mournful cries of your enemies as they fall in a hail of foam bullets.
12. Road rage: Glock 19. Must be held sideways.
13. Fending off a mob of commie ANTIFA soy boys: No gun needed, just misgender them.
Simply follow the guidelines listed above to find the ideal weapon for each task. What other guns are perfectly suited for specific uses? Post them in the comments below.
Very good. The Bee is often excellent.
Are those ‘Byrna Guns’ Hannity hawks worth it?.................
Lol!
Should be Winchester 30-30 Model 94 Carbine. (Remington was already used with the 870 so let's give classic Winchester its due)
Type 1 phaser. Packs a punch, lightweight, no recoil.
Yes if you are not willing to kill and can use the Byrna without being killed. I prefer my many Glocks. I do not like Glocks as they are a plastic ugly brick. They are extremely effective and well designed, I carry one.
A 45 ACP is a real classic semi-auto pistol of which I also have many is a real pistol. If you run out of bullets you can also beat them to death with it. It is a hand full of iron.
LOL
There’s a 40 minute youtube clip just of him beating her boyfriends :)
lol. They forgot the M60 pig and the M240 Machine Gun, 7.62 mm. Just in case the coyotes get too close. Scan your sectors!
Sort of a baby .44 magnum Desert Eagle.
I forgot to add this. The best gun fight is the one that does not happen.
Don’t forget the DB-12. Heavy but effective
5. Scaring away daughter’s suitors
Wanted to invite them in to the breakfast room table where I would reassemble my 1911 and dry fire a few times. Wound up wimping out.😵
“Fighting off fanatical alien zealots who are trying to trigger a superweapon...”
On The phonograph, play “Indian Love Call”, by Slim Whitman
Awesome! I have to look that up.
Both!.........they sound like toys..
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.