Donald Trump's 7 Debate Demands Revealed

Babylon Bee ^ | May 16, 2024 | Babylon Bee

[dayglored]

Details were still being ironed out, but it was confirmed yesterday that the world could now look forward to another debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. While Biden's list of conditions to agree to the debate made the rounds on social media, Trump's list of demands was not made public… until now.

The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of Donald Trump's debate demands:

1. Benny Hill music must be played whenever Biden wanders around the stage: His aimless shuffling will be much more entertaining to the viewing audience set to "Yakety Sax."

2. Moderators have to be smoking hot: Not just attractive. They have to be hot. Smoking hot. At least a 9 or a 10. Or even better than 10, maybe. Debates are better with hot moderators. I can't look at a dog for 3 hours. That would be terrible.

3. Catering provided by McDonald's: Big Macs and Diet Cokes during every commercial break.

4. Lightning round: Featuring a wheel to be spun for prizes, including Trump Steaks, Trump sneakers, and Trump NFTs.

5. Sad trombone riff plays following every Biden answer: Wah-wah-wahhhhh!

6. Whenever Trump drops a savage diss, sunglasses lower from the ceiling and the words "Thug Life" appear onscreen: Don't worry, Biden won't even know it's happening.

7. The loser gets slimed: It's time to bring the genius of Nickelodeon to presidential debates.

When reached for comment, the White House would neither confirm nor deny that Biden had agreed to Trump's demands.

[Captainpaintball]

Yeah, it’s the Bee. Because in reality, the stable genius wasn’t bright enough to make any demands, he gave scumbag Joe everything wanted. Brilliant.

[PeterPrinciple]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3lsJmwNO40

---

You don’t understand, you think Trump is doing a debate with Biden. The reality is Biden is doing a debate with Trump.

[Steely Tom]

...so maybe PJDT wants to make that imbalance as blatant and obvious as possible?

I had the same thought, although I expressed it (in my mind) a little differently.

Saul Alinsky Rules for Radicals, #11, to wit:

"If you push a negative hard and deep enough it will break through into its counterside; this is based on the principle that every positive has its negative."

[Tanniker Smith]

Benny Hill music must be played whenever Biden wanders around the stage:

Gotta admit: if we could get that, it might be worth voting for Joe just for four years of that so we'd have a final laugh as the country went down the tubes

[Chewbarkah]

“...the White House would neither confirm nor deny that Biden had agreed to Trump’s demands.”

As if he would actually know... Just tell Biden he already agreed and here’s an ice cream cone.

[Ronaldus Magnus III]

In one of the 2016 Presidential debates with Billary, Trump brought Juanita Broaddrick, Kathleen Willey, Kathy Shelton and Paula Jones. Billary is still seething.

Perhaps for the upcoming debates President Trump could have Hunter Biden lookalikes. The lookalikes could all have laptops open on their laps, and a prostitute on each side. Heck, each Hunter lookalike could, right in the middle of the debate, receive a special Amazon delivery of sandwich bags with white powder.

[Songcraft]

In response, Biden told the Bee that he wanted to add just one more item to his own list of demands.   He wants Dr. Jill to stand there beside him, and interpret what he says for the moderators and TV audience.

When he says "Ooooooooooph baroo des pingle dak in shumero, cozzie dil boopt!", he wants her to translate it to "Our son Hunter has now expanded into fine sculpture art, where his special works bring in significant financial acquisition fees".

Here's one example, which sold for $500,000:


      

[ridesthemiles]

I still want Clint Eastwood to moderate

[Dr. Sivana]

Brown M&Ms haven’t been made since 2012.

[MikelTackNailer]

"Debates are better with hot moderators. I can't look at a dog for 3 hours. That would be terrible."

(don't tell me none of you haven't noticed this before)

[Political Junkie Too]

Moderators have to be smoking hot: Not just attractive. They have to be hot. Smoking hot. At least a 9 or a 10.

-PJ

[NetAddicted]

Sounds like great demands. It’d have huge ratings. Too bad this is the Bee.

[Fledermaus]

👍