Donald Trump's 7 Debate Demands Revealed

Babylon Bee ^ | May 16, 2024 | Babylon Bee

[dayglored]

Details were still being ironed out, but it was confirmed yesterday that the world could now look forward to another debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. While Biden's list of conditions to agree to the debate made the rounds on social media, Trump's list of demands was not made public… until now.

The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of Donald Trump's debate demands:

1. Benny Hill music must be played whenever Biden wanders around the stage: His aimless shuffling will be much more entertaining to the viewing audience set to "Yakety Sax."

2. Moderators have to be smoking hot: Not just attractive. They have to be hot. Smoking hot. At least a 9 or a 10. Or even better than 10, maybe. Debates are better with hot moderators. I can't look at a dog for 3 hours. That would be terrible.

3. Catering provided by McDonald's: Big Macs and Diet Cokes during every commercial break.

4. Lightning round: Featuring a wheel to be spun for prizes, including Trump Steaks, Trump sneakers, and Trump NFTs.

5. Sad trombone riff plays following every Biden answer: Wah-wah-wahhhhh!

6. Whenever Trump drops a savage diss, sunglasses lower from the ceiling and the words "Thug Life" appear onscreen: Don't worry, Biden won't even know it's happening.

7. The loser gets slimed: It's time to bring the genius of Nickelodeon to presidential debates.

When reached for comment, the White House would neither confirm nor deny that Biden had agreed to Trump's demands.

[dayglored]

It's the Bee!

[dayglored]

I gotta admit, smoking hot moderators and the sad trombone would make the debate much more entertaining.

[fwdude]

Biden wishes that the moderators were 9 or 10... years old.

[230FMJ]

Are you sure this is satire? These conditions sound pretty reasonable to me!

[Tell It Right]

Biden wishes that the moderators were 9 or 10... years old.

Too funny! That's Bee-level humor!

[forYourChildrenVote4Bush]

Also one last one

Biden needs to ride on stage with a bicycle 🚴 which has no seat

[Liz]

8. A large silhouette of Hunter Biden sniffing crack as the backdrop for Biden.

[FlingWingFlyer]

ROTFL

[rockabyebaby]

OMG! LOL! This is awesome! Trump should read these and implement them!

[nikos1121]

Didn’t make me laugh one iota...

[dayglored]

> Didn’t make me laugh one iota...

Here's hoping your day improves.

[Steely Tom]

So good to have a big laugh !

Did PDJT make any demands ?

[dayglored]

> Did PDJT make any demands ?

In reality? None that I'm aware of. I'm not sure what his strategy is. CNN + Leftist moderators pretty much guarantees a completely lopsided "debate", so maybe PJDT wants to make that imbalance as blatant and obvious as possible?

[Churchillspirit]

Love No1.....

[SunkenCiv]

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[GOPJ]

More like 7 or 8 if it’s ‘ice cream show girls’...

[Noumenon]

I’d watch that. It would be epic.

[subterfuge]

How about a drinking game where everyone takes a drink every time slow Joe says “our democracy!” Or “pause.”

[RetiredArmy]

Now that’s funny rat thar!!!

[Lmo56]

8. NO BROWN M&Ms [APOLOGIES TO VAN HALEN] ...