Posted on 07/13/2022 12:38:30 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
PROVIDENCE, RI — According to the results of a new study conducted by Brown University, exactly 100% of work meetings ever held in all of human history, across all industries and sectors, have been entirely unnecessary.
Researchers followed careful criteria while observing real-life business meetings to understand what constitutes a successful meeting. Successful meetings, they said, would qualify as a valid use of time. Researchers took detailed notes on employee engagement, follow through on meeting action plans, and whether or not meetings were actually about something. In all meetings observed, none met the criteria of a successful meeting and were thus deemed a complete waste of time.
"My team sat in on over 3,000 meetings. All of them met with disaster," said Dr. Ansul Sundilhop. "I, myself, once witnessed a meeting in which the person who called the meeting had no idea he had done so. Employees sat quietly for twenty minutes waiting for someone to speak before giving up and returning to their workstations."
"The amount of data we've put together from this study has been astronomical. I really hope it'll help businesses improve their efficiency and work relationships," he added.
Highlights from the study include:
- Over 83% of meetings end with employees confused about who does what.
- 45% of meetings feature a sleeping employee.
- Employees invited to mandatory work meetings are 91% more likely to experience suicidal thoughts.
- Over half of all meetings are put together so that one ambitious employee can show off to their boss that they can run a meeting.
According to sources, business leaders have taken the results of the study to heart and are currently holding meetings to brainstorm alternatives to meetings.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
OTOH, there were a few times that I didn’t feel like working and a meeting was coming up.
It was like recess.
I e been to two recently. Both presentations of something to be done with a piece of paper held at a distance where I couldn’t make out anything.
A complete waste of time; especially with my eyesight.
Did Brown university hold a meeting to reach this conclusion?
Notice our posts that were made within a second or two of each other. We may have been in some of the same meetings. LOL.
There can also be the opposite problem—you are working on something important and complex, and you do not want to be disturbed since you are making good progress and don’t want to lose your train of thought....
and then you get dragged into a stupid meeting!
I remember a meeting where I was asked point blank "Why are you working on this right now???"
"Because I am in this meeting. [pause] Sir."
Earned a glare and a curt "Dismissed."
I think I was the hero of that room that day...
Yes I had that happen many times.
With software development, you get on a train of thought and then that happens.
When I had really good bosses I would ask them to keep me out of meetings as best they could because I hoped they thought my work was important enough that it should not be interrupted.
The great bosses would laugh and agree.
The outstanding bosses made it happen.
Yeah I’ve done that.
OTOH bosses called me in one day.
Showed me 2 or 3, probably 2 whiteboards filled with code. I sat for 45 minutes or an hour as they explained the logic.
I found no flaw but then replied I could do it with 8-10 lines of code and and 3-4 data fields in the program.
I want you to know that I had to implement all of the whiteboard’s logic.
Had they asked me first, I could have saved them 3 days of messing with it. It was very straightforward using pre-built routines we already regularly used.
After two hours they finally said something that was relevant to my department. Something that they could have just sent to me in a two sentence memo.
I complained to my boss later that day and was told that, while it was a pain, if I wanted to ever be promoted that I had to attend at least one meeting a month. It did not matter if I had anything to contribute or if the meeting was relevant or if it cut into my actual work time. Having your name on the list of people who attended meeting meant that you were "engaged". Not having your name there meant that you were "not engaged".
Never accept job in a company that is run by former flower children.
My work was more independent of the group (different field).
For me meetings were totally wasteful—usually administrative garbage that could be distributed in emails.
If I needed to collaborate with others we would do impromptu meetings—and usually instant messages or a conference call would get it done.
The company you described had two fatal flaws:
—They confused process (meetings) with results (whatever you were actually producing).
—They did not respect your time, which means they did not respect you.
Must. Preafrood. Better.
Some moron showed up at my office tapping his toe, wondering why I wasn’t at “the meeting” with the client. I asked did you email me? Yes. And there was no phone where you could have called me at my desk? Silence.
Then some comment about the email again. I insisted we go look; against his wishes.
He invited everyone BUT me.
But he was a fair-haired boy for my Big 6 partner. Lots of good people but also lots of backstabbing pathological liars.
This is not satire.
It’s reality.
We need you in a meeting.
RIGHT NOW!!
Bring a pen.
Sounds quite familiar. When I worked for the NHS, we had meetings to plan more meetings. True. They even hired a “Meeting Control Manager whose job was to schedule meetings, venues, and attendance to prevent conflicts.
Oh.
And wear a mask.
😷😷😷😁😜
I wish you worked for our organization. I am going to have to use that.
95% meetings are useless. 5% meetings are productive. Example. During the Apollo program in 1963 there were thirty divisions and each division had a “fortress mentality”. Then John McCarthy, vice president of engineering, did two things: Give everyone a weekend holiday at the Balboa Club in Newport Beach, CA. Gave everyone three goals at one meeting: “Man. Moon. Decade.” The holiday + meeting combo helped put Neil on the moon in 1969. Of course, without the dead weight of NASA, Neil would have been on the moon in 1967.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.