Posted on 04/09/2021 10:44:57 AM PDT by xp38
AUSTIN, TX—In yet another return to normalcy, Texas has announced that effective immediately they will return to their normal mask policy: Anyone wearing a mask is automatically shot, on the assumption that that person is about to rob a stagecoach.
“We done licked that virus good,” announced Texas Governor Greg “Tex” Abbott. “Now it’s time to get back to protecting our precious, precious stagecoaches. So, if you’re wearing a mask -- BAM! Ya dead! Yee-haw!”
Despite Texas having a growing tech sector, the state is still primarily a stagecoach-based economy, with most people in the state making a living from either driving or robbing stagecoaches. The pandemic, with its proliferation of masks, has very much disrupted that industry, and most are happy to have a timeline for things getting back to normal.
“I don’t like masks,” said stagecoach driver Cam “Tex” Matthews. “But lately, you try to shoot people wearing masks, and some Karen will yell at you. Well, that ends now. If you wear a mask, you’ll be answering to ole Betsy here!” Matthews then held up his lever-action rifle and added, “Yee-haw!”
Other states have condemned the announcement by Texas. “It’s just too early to talk about going back to normal,” said California Governor Gavin Newsom. “Maybe after we’re all vaccinated and twenty to forty years have passed with no one getting the virus, then we can talk about taking off masks.” Texas responded by saying they may also add a clause about shooting Californians.
Several states had to amend their CCW when masks were mandated because it was illegal to cover your face while carrying.
To say nothing of Australians....of which I am. Well sort of technically. :)
First time in history a masked man can walk into a liquor store or bank and not get shot.
They need to be hung so high they will “have to look down at the moon.”
Don’t forget about “bless your heart”
What’s the sense of being masked if you’re the only one on the planet using silver bullets?
This was my joke meme when the masking started.
“Whoa Nellie!” was the signature catchphrase of Dick Lane, a hall of fame roller derby and pro wrestling announcer on KTLA 5 in Los Angeles. Though born in Wisconsin in 1899 he began working in LA in during WWII. Southern California kids of my age all used it frequently. Don’t need a Texan to teach us anything about that.
If only...
LOL!
Like Texans need an excuse to shoot Californians.
“Southern California kids of my age all used it frequently.”
Yep.
“What’s your name?”
“Whoa Nellie!”
“How much is two plus two?”
“Whoa Nellie!”
“Where is the train station?”
“Whoa Nellie!”
“We must be in Southern California.”
Yes, Dick Lane used to say it all the time but I believe the catchphrase “Whoa Nelly!” originated with Pat Brady, Roy Rogers TV sidekick. Nelly was short for Nellybelle, the name of his cantankerous Jeep. He used the phrase in nearly every show .
That’s great!
Yeah, no.
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