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CBS Reveals Top 10 Couric Sign-Off Suggestions
http://www.scrappleface.com ^ | September 6, 2006 | by Scott Ott

Posted on 09/06/2006 10:04:50 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

(2006-09-06) — Americans last night rushed to the aid of debutante CBS News anchor Katie Couric to help her develop a distinctive ’sign off’ for her evening newscast. According to a source at CBS, the network already has 10 “hot candidates” for what journalists consider the most important element of any TV news program.

The multimillionaire media veteran ended her premier show last night by asking the viewer to suggest a sign-off that would rival Walter Cronkite’s immortal phrase “…and that’s the way it is” or Dan Rather’s simple but profound word: “Courage.”

The plea for help from the viewer comes after months of research by the CBS News staff failed to turn up a suitable way to end the show that would “convey the significance of this massive journalistic enterprise,” the unnamed source said.

According to a leaked internal memo, here are the top 10 viewer-suggested Katie Couric sign-offs ranked according to frequency of suggestion:

10. “Well, there’s 22 minutes of your life you can never get back.” 9. “News pH balanced. We report. You admire.” 8. “I hope to see you tomorrow night, because all I see tonight is the TelePromTer.” 7. “I’m Katie Couric, and that’s the way it is at the DNC.” 6. “That’s the news and I mean it. Does anybody want a peanut?” 5. “I’m Katie Couric and this is one sweet gig!” 4. “If you stand up for a few minutes now, you won’t get so many sofa sores.” 3. “Now you know what to think. But you don’t really have to.” 2. “Why read the news online when I get paid millions to do it for you?” 1. “What makes a muskrat guard its musk?”


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: couric; humor; notnews; satire; scrappleface
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How about: We spin, you decipher.
1 posted on 09/06/2006 10:04:52 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen
“I’m Katie Couric, and that’s the news; Believe It or Not.”
2 posted on 09/06/2006 10:08:44 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: Lucky9teen

And that's my party's talking points.


3 posted on 09/06/2006 10:12:12 AM PDT by SampleMan
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To: Lucky9teen

"Say goodnight,Dick"


4 posted on 09/06/2006 10:13:46 AM PDT by Gay State Conservative ("An empty limousine pulled up and Hillary Clinton got out")
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To: Lucky9teen

''Death to America''


5 posted on 09/06/2006 10:14:02 AM PDT by Lexington Green (Peace Through Victory)
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To: Lucky9teen
I could hear her say something like: 'I'm Katie Couric and that's how I see it.'
6 posted on 09/06/2006 10:15:15 AM PDT by GreenAccord (I just spell-checked MOONBAT. Shouldn't that be in the FR lexicon as a valid word?)
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To: Lucky9teen
To quote Dot Warner of 'Aminamiacs':

"It makes me feel all warm and squishy... I must need a diaper!"


Jack.
7 posted on 09/06/2006 10:15:18 AM PDT by Jack Deth (Knight Errant and Disemboweler of the WFTD Thread)
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To: Lucky9teen
I'm thinking about Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy when Will Ferrell slavishly reads his promper and signs off by telling San Diego to go #%$^ themselves.



Then he gets up and walks past all the shocked crew, telling them it was the best broadcast oblivious of what he just read.
8 posted on 09/06/2006 11:18:13 AM PDT by sully777 (You have flies in your eyes--Catch-22)
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To: Lucky9teen
katie is the female version


9 posted on 09/06/2006 12:32:02 PM PDT by llevrok (When you take my gin from my cold, dead hand....)
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To: Lucky9teen

"I'm perky Katie. We had Bush and you should to."


10 posted on 09/06/2006 12:34:23 PM PDT by AxelPaulsenJr (Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.)
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To: AxelPaulsenJr

make that Hate.


11 posted on 09/06/2006 12:34:56 PM PDT by AxelPaulsenJr (Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.)
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To: Lucky9teen
10. “Well, there’s 22 minutes of your life you can never get back.”

I like that one!

12 posted on 09/06/2006 2:34:42 PM PDT by Recovering_Democrat (I am SO glad to no longer be associated with the party of "dependence on government"!)
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To: Lucky9teen; Fiddlstix; NorCalRepub; humblegunner; SZonian; ChandyB71; jonathanmo; half-cajun; ...
Pinging the usual suspects!


(courtesy of Humblegunner)

(anyone wanting on or off the satire ping list, let me know!)

13 posted on 09/06/2006 3:10:24 PM PDT by NYTexan
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To: TexasCajun; Lucky9teen

"See you again tommorrow .......... this is Katie Couric ...... on your nerves."


14 posted on 09/06/2006 3:20:07 PM PDT by beyond the sea (Face piles of trials with smiles, It riles them to believe that you perceive the web that they weave)
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To: Lucky9teen

I'm Katie Couric
and you're not.

15 posted on 09/06/2006 3:20:54 PM PDT by MrEdd (The easiest way to LIE with statistics is to use the average instead of the Median.)
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To: GreenAccord

what was the actual sign off phrase?


16 posted on 09/06/2006 3:21:15 PM PDT by HHKrepublican_2
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To: AxelPaulsenJr

"I'm Katie. My legs are stronger than any Democrat's backbone."


17 posted on 09/06/2006 3:21:53 PM PDT by beyond the sea (Face piles of trials with smiles, It riles them to believe that you perceive the web that they weave)
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To: Lucky9teen
Ben Lurken had a good one.


18 posted on 09/06/2006 3:22:26 PM PDT by A CA Guy (God Bless America, God bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
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To: NYTexan

Make mine Rolling Rock.


19 posted on 09/06/2006 3:24:02 PM PDT by beyond the sea (Face piles of trials with smiles, It riles them to believe that you perceive the web that they weave)
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To: Lucky9teen

Here's the only thing she could do: "I'm Katie Couric, and now, our daily commentary by Rush Limbaugh."

Otherwise, I give her 2 years, max.


20 posted on 09/06/2006 3:24:02 PM PDT by AmishDude (`[N]on-state actors' can project force around the world more easily than Canada". -- Mark Steyn)
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