Free Republic Smokers Lounge

Puff List ^ | 11/21/03 | francisandbeans

[Just another Joe]

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Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...

Smoker's Lounge

Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...

Smoke 'em if you got 'em shssh
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aaaaa,:`___________________________||`,:'.",`.;'`,:'.',`: <--------Life is good!
A very special thank you to Registered for providing us with this fine logo....we will bear it with pride.

[maxwell]

Thanksgiving Poem

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;
"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three.

"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;
"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;
"Then she 'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;
"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing."

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;
I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola;
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;
I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;
But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;
And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;
She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."
(author unknown)

[maxwell]

Yeah I know. It was the boss, though. My excuse is, I'm sucking up. [snortle]

[Eastbound]

That's funny! Thanks.

[Just another Joe]

Yeah I know. It was the boss, though. My excuse is, I'm sucking up.

HAHAHAHA
One way to get a raise in today's economy. ;^)

[maxwell]

Easy way to make a livin', huh. ;)

[AuntB]

Thanks, guys, you are dolls.

:<)

[AuntB]

That's wonderful!

[Eastbound]

Hi, She! Hey, I owe ya a song. It's a truck driving song. Just a typical ballad. Wanna hear it?

[Eastbound]

Hunt = Allen Funt. Sheesh!

[LibertarianInExile]

I like the lyrics to Jim's, but I'm more partial to Tex Williams than Toby Keith. Though the general tone of the song might not be exactly what the lounge needs--it's peppier than TK's song, though. I wanna drink and smoke, not pass out.

Smoke, Smoke, Smoke That Cigarette

Now I'm a feller with a heart of gold
And the ways of a gentleman I've been told
The kind of guy that wouldn't even harm a flea
But if me and a certain character met
The guy that invented the cigarette
I'd murder that son-of-a-gun in the first degree

It ain't cuz I don't smoke myself
And I don't reckon that it'll harm your health
Smoked all my life and I ain't dead yet

But nicotine slaves are all the same
At a pettin' party or a poker game
Everything gotta stop while they have a cigarette

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette
Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death
Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate
That you hate to make him wait
But you just gotta have another cigarette

Now in a game of chance the other night
Old Dame Fortune was a-doin' me right
The kings and the queens just kept on comin' round

And I got a full and I bet 'em high
But my bluff didn't work on a certain guy
He just kept on raisin' and layin' that money down

Now he'd raise me and I'd raise him
I sweated blood, gotta sink or swim
He finally called and didn't even raise the bet

So I said "aces full Pops how 'bout you?"
He said "I'll tell you in a minute or two
But right now, I gotta have me a cigarette"

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette
Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death
Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate
That you hates to make him wait
But you just gotta have another cigarette

(Ah, smoke it! Hah! Yes! Yes! Yes!)

The other night I had a date
With the cutest little girl in the United States
A high-bred, uptown, fancy little dame

She loved me and it seemed to me
That things were 'bout like they oughta be
So hand in hand we strolled down lover's lane

She was oh so far from a cake of ice
And our smoochin' party was goin' nice
So help me cats I believe I'd be there yet

But I give her a kiss and a little squeeze
And she said, "ah, Marty, excuse me please
I just gotta have me another, cigarette"

And she said, smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette
Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death
Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate
That you hate to make him wait
But you just gotta have another cigarette

Almost as good as Cal Smith, a country singer who needs airplay, not burying, as the damn 'country' business wants to see done. Maybe this would be best--if we added something about smokin'. ;)

The Lord Knows I'm Drinkin'

Hello Mrs. Johnson, you self-righteous woman
Sunday School teacher, what brings you out slummin'
Do you reckon the preacher would approve where you are
Standin' here, vis'tin'
with a back-slidin' Christian,
In a neighborhood bar.

Well, yes, that's my bottle and yes, that's my glass
And I see you're eye-ballin', this pretty young lass
It ain't none of your bus'ness, but yes, she's with me
And we don't need no sermon, you self-righteous woman,
Just let us be.

The Lord knows I'm drinkin'; (the Lord knows I'm drinkin')
And runnin' a-round; (and runnin' around)
And He don't need your loud mouth informin' the town
The Lord knows I'm sinnin'; (the Lord knows I'm sinnin')
And sinnin' ain't right; (and sinnin' ain't right)
But me and the Good Lord's gonna have us a good talk
Later to-night.

Goodbye, Mrs. Johnson, you self-righteous biddy
I don't need your preachin', and I don't need your pity
So, go back to whatever, you hypocrites do
And when I talk to Heaven, be nice and I'll put in a good word for you.

The Lord knows I'm drinkin'; (the Lord knows I'm drinkin')
And runnin' a-round; (and runnin' around)
And He don't need your loud mouth informin' the town
The Lord knows I'm sinnin'; (the Lord knows I'm sinnin')
And sinnin' ain't right; (and sinnin' ain't right)
But me and the Good Lord's gonna have us a good talk
Later to-night.

[SeaDragon]

I have heard it many times........

Bought that one the day it came out. I do believe it is a perfect theme song for our lounge.

[MeekOneGOP]

Oh ! I didn't see that. He posted in on this thread last night too ! That's where I first saw it.

That is one GREAT music video ! I'm gonna send it out on my e-mail to share with folks !

[MeekOneGOP]

hehe ! ...

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Boy. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole. The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two guys seen my goat out here?"

"You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen. It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"

"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."

[MeekOneGOP]

Thanks. Seems I remember Tennessee Ernie Ford doing that Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette too ...

[SheLion]

Hi, She! Hey, I owe ya a song. It's a truck driving song. Just a typical ballad. Wanna hear it?

Am I too late? Yes!!!!! I'd LOVE to hear it, Eastbound!!!!!

[Eastbound]

Okay, then. Jes sit back, smoke 'em if you got 'em and ask Joe for your usual and have him put it on JimRob's tab. :>

(Hum along in the Key of 'G' if you want to.)

ROAD SCHOLAR

Momma calls Pop a Road Scholar, and he comes home twice a year
He drives a rig from coast to coast hauling lumber, steel and beer
He didn't have much schoolin', but he learned life's lessons well
Truckin ' on down the highway, over mountain and a desert's hell

Poppa came home at the end of June and stayed for a week or two
When he looked at my Report Card, he said, 'It's just a point of view'
Then he sat me down in a scholarly way and was thinkin' to set me straight
Like a sage of old he began to talk, and these are the words he spake:

You gotta keep both hands on the wheel, son. Keep a keen eye on the road
Take a little rest whenever you can and don't forget to level your load
Dont' get into the passing lane, unless you got it up to speed
And if you see a little trouble on the road ahead lend a hand if there's a need

You gotta take all the curves in stride, son. There's plenty of them high and low
Don't forget there's always 'Smokie,' you'll find him wherever you go
When your rolling on down the highway, don't overlook the caution signs
They'll help you along your journey and keep you from crossing the lines.

Well the years have passed and I'm older now, but I look back on that day
He said, 'Happiness isn't something you find, it's what you choose to be each day
Now as the tree is bent so the twig will grow and I'm feelin' might fine
Just doing my thing and rollin', rollin' up and down the line

DFS -- Tucson, 1985

FReegards! ~~ Dave

[SheLion]

This has really good lyrics, Dave!!! Thanks for posting them for me!!!

[Eastbound]

Ur welcome, She. Keep on truckin' and keep the rubber-side down!

[NeoCaveman]

Whack Jacko jokes.
Forgive me if you've already heard these...

Do you know what time is bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?

When the big hand touches the little hand

.

Did you hear that Jacko went to K-Mart?

He heard little boys pants were half off

.

How is Jacko like tuna fish?

They both come in little cans.