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Keyword: satire

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  • CIA Leaks Proof Of Russian Hack (Satire)

    12/19/2016 6:17:49 PM PST · by RetiredTexasVet · 5 replies
    12/19/16 | RetiredTexasVet
    The CIA leaked proof of the Russian hack of the DNC and the Clinton Campaign. CNN's Wolf Blitzer released the breaking news this afternoon. Wolf stated that his third cousin, Coyote Blitzer, had learned of the details of the leak from prostitutes on 14th Street in DC who are frequented by CIA and Secret Service Agents. The CIA frequently uses prostitutes, both street and MSM, to leak stories. Coyote stated that the DNC and Clinton Campaign were both hacked with assistance from two Democratic operatives who had been turned. Robert (the Jackal) Creamer and Scott (the Poofer) Foval were turned...
  • 95 Poll Books Missing in Michigan Recount [semi-satire]

    12/18/2016 7:32:31 AM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    In the Detroit precincts where voter logs showed fewer people casting ballots than votes that were counted on election day the recount effort also discovered that 95 voter log books went missing. While the mismatch of counts and the disappearing books would seem to imply that election fraud played a role in boosting the candidacy of Hillary Clinton, Detroit elections officials insisted that everything was legit. Democratic precinct chairman Charlie Crook assured that “these little discrepancies happen nearly every year. The so-called missing logs were merely sent out for re-calibration. Now that they’ve been fixed the gap between voters recorded...
  • NYC Muslim Hate Crime Hoax [semi-satire]

    12/17/2016 8:08:11 PM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Yasmin Seweid, the 18 year-old girl who claimed Trump supporters harassed her on the city subway, lied. Nevertheless, her older sister Sara Seweid blamed “excessively zealous police work for blowing my sister’s alibi. She was out past her curfew and would have been severely beaten by our father for this infraction. Naturally, she made up the harassment story to avoid this beating. Now, as a result of the NYPD’s unwarranted investigation into this minor incident, Yasmin will be beaten.” The older sister charged that “insensitivity and ignorance of our culture has resulted in a completely avoidable outcome. But a combination...
  • Bill to Block US Funding of Terrorists Introduced [semi-satire]

    12/17/2016 3:11:48 PM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-Hawaii) and Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ken) have co-sponsored the "Stop Arming Terrorists Act" to stem the flow of US tax dollars going to Middle Eastern terrorist groups. That such legislation might be necessary is shocking. "If you or I gave money, weapons or support to al-Qaeda or ISIS, we would be thrown in jail," Gabbard said. "Yet, our own government has been covertly funneling American tax dollars to a series of Islamic fanatics for years. This is madness." Massie maintains that "madness is too mild a term to use. The CIA has been arming bloodthirsty jihadis in...
  • China to Return Drone After Understanding Trump Message in "Typo" Tweet

    12/17/2016 12:37:38 PM PST · by GonzoII · 31 replies
    KORNNEWS ^ | 17 Dec 2016 | GonzoII
    Unmamed sources in Chinna have said that they had "inside" information to suggest that Trump may have been indicating a future "un" seating of Chinese leaders including Chinese "President" Xi Jin-ping-Pong if a recently seized US Drone was not immediately returned. It is also sayed that the fact that the tweet was in the past tense Trump may have already envisioned the their own demise. The Chicoms are reportedly to have said that they didn't want to take any chances. Trump had described the taking of the drone in a widely reported "Typo" tweet as an "unpresidented act"....moor nooz at...
  • Dems Say Russian Hacking "an Act of War" [semi-satire]

    12/17/2016 8:05:01 AM PST · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    President Obama ratcheted up the confrontational rhetoric the Democratic Party has leveled at Russia for allegedly "hacking the election to ensure their 'puppet' Trump would defeat Secretary Clinton." Retiring Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) called the hack "as bad as 9/11. The attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon only killed some ordinary Americans. The Russian hack blocked the ascension of the most qualified person to ever seek the presidency of the United States. That is a blow that will have negative reverberations for generations to come." "The Russian interference in our election is a virtual coup against...
  • Michelle Obama Says Trump Win Destroys Hope [semi-satire]

    12/16/2016 9:29:37 PM PST · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    In a CBS News interview prior to her family's departure for a vacation that will further its record-setting pace for taxpayer-funded personal leisure, First Lady Michelle Obama says "the election of Donald Trump has destroyed the hope that my husband brought to so many in this country. Hope is necessary. What else do you have if you don't have hope? What do you give your kids if you can't give them hope?" Michelle contrasted "the uplifting message we provided to America with the dreary future Donald Trump has promised. His vision of herding Americans back into the workforce will condemn...
  • RNC Averts Hack that Duped DNC [semi-satire]

    12/16/2016 3:40:44 PM PST · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Amid all the caterwauling from Democrats about Russians supposedly hacking the Democratic National Committee's computer system comes a report from the Republican National Committee that a similar attempt on their computer system was rebuffed. RNC chairman Reince Priebus explained "naturally, we were alert to the possibility that hostile entities might try to break into our system. To avert this threat we instructed all of our personnel to ignore and delete any emails from persons claiming to have millions of dollars intended for deposit to our account from a deceased African government official. The strategy was simple and easily executed. There...
  • 13 Times Russian Hackers Sabotaged Clinton’s Presidential Campaign(satire!)

    12/14/2016 9:41:43 AM PST · by rktman · 7 replies
    dailycaller.com ^ | 12/14/2016 | Blake Neff
    Many conservatives and Trump supporters have been dismissive of the possibility that interference by Russian hackers changed the outcome of the 2016 election. But they would do well to rethink things. Even a cursory look at the events of the past few years reveals Russian meddling was absolutely decisive in denying Clinton her rightful position as president-elect. Here’s a quick rundown of 13 major moments where Clinton’s seemingly invincible presidential campaign was brought down thanks Russian hacking efforts: 1996: Russian Spetsnaz special forces pepper Clinton with sniper rifle fire as she lands in Sarajevo after the Bosnian War. Shortly after,...
  • Clinton Campaign Tried to Silence Friendly Voice [semi-satire]

    12/12/2016 10:16:57 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    While the official meme promoted by the left-stream media is that President-Elect Donald Trump is a threat to freedom of speech and freedom of the press, a story reported by MSNBC’s Mika Brzezinski points in the opposite direction. The co-host of the cable news network’s “Morning Joe” program related a pre-election day incident in which an irate Hillary Clinton campaign official contacted MSNBC executives demanding that she be punished for criticizing the candidate’s “taking the election for granted.” “The thing is, I was worried that Hillary might lose the election and was trying to help her make a small course...
  • Astronaut Buzz Aldrin Tweets "We are all in Danger. It is evil itself"

    12/11/2016 12:32:46 PM PST · by EveningStar · 84 replies
    Superstation95 95.1 FM New York City ^ | December 7, 2016 | Newsroom
    United States Astronaut Buzz Aldrin Tweeted an ominous message to the world using his official, verified Twitter Account, then strangely deleted the tweet later.  His words: "We are all in danger.  It is evil itself." and showed a photograph of a pyramid located at the South Pole ...
  • Obama Orders Review of Election Interference [semi-satire]

    12/11/2016 10:01:44 AM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    President Obama ordered federal intelligence agencies to prepare a report on Russian cyber attacks that interfered with the 2016 election outcome and deliver it to him before January 20, 2017, “so I may take whatever action is required to restore integrity to the democratic process.” Homeland security adviser Lisa Monaco called the investigation “crucial to the president’s decision on whether he may need to vacate the reported outcome. Rather than let the country to be locked-into accepting a new president illegitimately installed by the dirty tricks of a foreign government, the president needs the information necessary to support his continuation...
  • Group Says OSU Terrorist "Wrongly Shot" [semi-satire]

    12/10/2016 7:20:51 AM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    The Ohio State University Coalition for Black Liberation held a rally to protest racist cops' shooting black men. One of the "wrongly shot" individuals was Abdul Razak Ali Artan who ran over some students with his automobile and went on a rampage stabbing others until he was shot by campus police. One of the rally's spokespersons, Maryam Abidi characterized the shooting as "a disproportionate response. Artan was only armed with a knife. There was no call for police to escalate to the use of firearms." Abidi called the claim that the shooting was necessary to save the lives of others...
  • France Censors Anti-Abortion Advocates [semi-satire]

    12/09/2016 8:48:10 PM PST · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    The award-winning "Dear Future Mom" video featuring children with Down Syndrome making the case for the value of their lives was banned from TV by France's Conseil d'État (State Council). According to the Council, the video was deemed "too insensitive" since it was "likely to trouble the consciences of women who had made different personal life choices" (i.e., had aborted babies predicted to have Down Syndrome). Council spokesman Henri Abattage defended the ban, maintaining that "our decision is in keeping with public perceptions of what is right. There's a reason why 90% of the pregnancies afflicted with this syndrome end...
  • Left Mourns Passing of Castro semi-satire]

    12/06/2016 9:59:35 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    This week, long-time Cuban dictator Fidel Castro died at the age of 90. He violently took over the government of Cuba in 1959 and ruled it with an iron fist for 50 years until his retirement in 2011. His 85-year-old brother Raul has governed the island the last five years. Fidel’s rule began with mass executions of opponents by firing squad for the entertainment of cheering crowds at the Havana soccer stadium. Enemies who weren’t murdered were thrown into filthy prisons where they were tortured and abused. The vast majority of Cubans lived lives of abject poverty and oppression. Over...
  • DOJ Declines to Investigate Intimidation Against Trump Electors [semi-satire]

    12/05/2016 8:33:52 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Despite numerous reports of harassment and death threats against electors pledged to vote for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump when the Electoral College meets on December 19, the US Department of Justice, thus far, has declined to take any action. DOJ deputy press secretary David Jacobs cast the issue as “not yet ripe enough.” “From what we have heard these electors have been called names and warned they could be harmed if they don’t switch their vote to Secretary Clinton,” Jacobs recounted. “Name calling is protected freedom of speech. Just weeks ago the two leading candidates were calling each other...
  • RAF on high alert due to heightened Arctic activity

    12/04/2016 9:22:57 AM PST · by AdmSmith · 24 replies
    UK Defence Journal ^ | 02DEC2016 | George Allison
    The Royal Air Force will reportedly be on high alert in the coming days in order to intercept and track flights from the Arctic region. The move has been prompted by an incident around a year ago in which Typhoon aircraft escorted a Lapland registered aircraft (flying from the Arctic region) over the UK’s major cities, the pilot of the craft was said to be under the influence of alcohol and very “festive”, this is especially dangerous due to the sheer volume of cargo the aircraft was carrying. This is expected to happen again. An MoD spokesman had this to...
  • EEOC Announces New Workplace Regs [semi-satire]

    12/03/2016 11:14:53 AM PST · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) announced new workplace regulations requiring employers to accommodate the languages spoken by prospective hires and current employees or “face sanctions including fines and/or revocation of permission to operate.” Oddly, the EEOC cited “the growing diversity of the nation’s workforce as the justification for the new rule.” Under the new regulations requiring employees to speak or understand English is now deemed unlawful discrimination. “Employees have the right to communicate in a language of their own choosing,” EEOC Chairperson Jenny Yang argued. “It is the employer’s responsibility to learn the language of his employees or hire...
  • Obama to Admit Refugees Barred from Entering Australia [semi-satire]

    12/03/2016 8:45:04 AM PST · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    The Obama Administration has agreed to admit nearly 2500 refugees that the Australian government has refused to allow into their country for "security reasons." The refugees are from terrorism "hot spots" and have been excluded for failing to clear the country's vetting process. Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) and Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va) have complained about the lack of transparency in the President's actions. "In a matter having obvious security implications the President is obliged to consult Congress before agreeing to bring potentially dangerous individuals into the United States," Grassley contended. "The fact that these men were not deemed a good...
  • Senator Desperate to Pass "Lame Duck" Bills [semi-satire]

    12/02/2016 8:20:25 PM PST · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Dec 2016 | John Semmens
    Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) has joined with Sen. John McCain (R-Az) to modify the recently passed Justice Against Sponsors of Terror Act (JASTA). This law allows victims of terrorist attacks to sue the governments that provide funding and sanctuary to terrorists. Graham is concerned that "the existing law can come back to bite us. When Congress overrode President Obama's veto they were thinking 'let's make these Muslim governments pay for the damages done by the groups they harbor.' What was overlooked was the possibility that our own government would be made liable for damage done by terrorists armed by the...