(SATIRE) QUANTICO, Va. — Following a terrible mass-shooting at a Marine Reserve Center last Thursday, the Marine Corps has vowed to take swift protective measures including a policy that will issue bags for all off-duty Marines to cover their heads with. The new policy, discussed in MARADMIN 365/15, not only prohibits all Marines, including recruiters, from wearing their uniforms off-base, but also instructs them to cover their heads with a large bag which prevents personal identification. All commands are initially instructed to disseminate money valuable bags, sandbags (preferably empty), or paper bags to all personnel to ensure immediate compliance. Col....