Dear humans, We can't help noticing that you left for work this morning without leaving a heaping pile of presents next to our food dishes. It also appears you forgot there are no dogs allowed today, and we had to lock them in the bathroom ourselves. We know you're busy with human things, like removing all the hair we painstakingly left on your pants. (Yeah. We know you do that.) But since today is the most important day of the year, we don't think it's too much to ask you to cancel everything and come home immediately. In case you've...