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Leading a parade of celebrity witnesses who claimed they were stiffed by a speakers bureau, Andy Rooney began his testimony Monday by questioning the wording of the oath to tell the truth. The CBS newsman later got a lecture from the judge for trying to interrogate a lawyer while on the witness stand. "No, no, no, Mr. Rooney," said federal Judge Colleen McMahon, her head in her hands. "The first rule is the witness never gets to ask any questions ... even if he's a journalist." Rooney was the first witness in the fraud trial of Alan Walker, 67, who...

TWO Great White sharks ripped a schoolboy surfer in two off a packed beach yesterday. Nick Peterson, 18, was being towed on his surfboard behind his grandmother's dinghy when a shark began attacking the boat. His three friends in the boat, all aged 16, tried to beat the shark away with paddles but Nick fell in. Seconds later the 16ft shark dragged him around the boat by an arm, then under it, before tearing him in half. A second shark then joined in the frenzy.

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. (AP) -- A third political party forming in West Virginia is only in its infancy but offers "the truly conservative person" a voice and a choice, its organizers said Monday. The Constitution Party advocates a smaller, less intrusive federal government that operates within the strict framework of the U.S. Constitution and "its foundation in Biblical law." "I guess we're what you would call the ultraconservatives," said Secretary Brenda Donnellan, a Lewis County resident. The Constitution Party, which plans to petition for ballot access in the coming year, supports the death penalty and a patient's right to sue doctors...

I hate George Bush and want to move abroad! The only problem is that I do not have the resources to do so since I am poor and the government won't pay for it! What should I do? Would you all be interested in taking up a collection to boot my ass out of the country?

Today, John Kerry departed from his prepared remarks in Orlando, Florida to unleash a cry that can be summed up in one word: Desperation. "Wake up America, wake up. ... You have a choice," he said. Telling America to 'wake up' is not a message for the future, it is the cry of a flailing candidate who has no momentum and is reaching the end of the line.

In an interview with Matt Bai published in today’s New York Times Magazine, Kerry made a very, very, very significant statement about how he would fight the war on terror. Kerry compared the war on terrorism with eradicating prostitution or illegal gambling. ''We have to get back to the place we were, where terrorists are not the focus of our lives, but they're a nuisance,'' Kerry said. ''As a former law-enforcement person, I know we're never going to end prostitution. We're never going to end illegal gambling. But we're going to reduce it, organized crime, to a level where it...

<p>Controversy develops over Reagan funeral speakers...</p> <p>'President Clinton really held out all hope the funeral would be a nonpartisan event, like Nixon's was,' a top Clinton source said on Tuesday morning. 'He's angry and disappointed neither he nor President Carter have been asked to speak, as of yet'...</p>

Editor, the Tribune: I saw a "George Bush for President" advertisement on television that encapsulates my concern about this man. This advertisement asserted that John Kerry’s voting record proves he is trouble for the economy. To prove this point, the advertisement then lists the number of times Kerry voted for tax increases. This is a non sequitur, a conclusion that does not follow from the evidence. Tax increases are not related to the health of the economy. If they were, Bush’s tax cuts would not have left us with the highest unemployment rate in years and with a massive deficit...

School lockdown blamed on toy gun MIAMI, April 16 (UPI) -- A lockdown at a Miami middle school Thursday has been blamed on a student with a toy rubber band gun who was spotted walking into the building. The 15-year-old boy was charged with possession of a weapon on school grounds and disruptions of school functions, the Miami Herald reported Friday. Neighbors had called police after they had seen the boy wave the toy around, and stuff it under his coat. "From a distance, it can be confused with a rifle or sawed-off shotgun," said Mayco Villafana, a school district...

Tuesday, March 30, 2004   STRATEGIC PETROLEUM RESERVE Kerry Actually Spoke Against It Before He Announced He Was For It _____________________________________________________KERRY FOUR YEARS AGO SAID SPR WOULDN’T AFFECT GAS PRICES In February 2000, Kerry Said Release Of Oil From Strategic Petroleum Reserve Would Not Be “Relevant.” “Without being specific, Kerry, a key member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, suggested the US could retaliate economically in other trade areas. He also said he does not want a release of oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. A release ‘is not relevant. It would take months for the oil to get...

Last updated: Friday, August 15, 2003Surprise! There was no war Did you ever get the sinking feeling that we have all recently been the victims of a gigantic hoax? With all the television coverage, all the “embedded” journalists, did you ever see on TV or elsewhere the U.S. armed forces engage a significant sized Iraqi army unit, the famed Republican Guard, for example, in the so-called war? Did you ever see evidence of a major or minor military battle in Iraq during the “war”; tanks arrayed against tanks, armored columns of Iraqi army troops fighting against the U.S. Marines or...

'Human shields' head for Iraq Paul HarrisSunday December 29, 2002The Observer A convoy of anti-war activists, likely to include dozens of British volunteers, will leave London next month to act as human shields protecting strategic sites in Iraq. The convoy to Baghdad is being organised by former US marine Kenneth Nichols, who served in the first Gulf war and won a combat medal but has now become a vociferous opponent of another Gulf conflict. British protesters are also heading for the country in advance of any Anglo-American bombing. Nichols, 33, aims to gather scores of volunteers together in London and...

Tim Blair: The awful truth? It's a crockDecember 30, 2002CHILDREN'S television is quite an art. It's not just a matter of throwing together simple tunes, basic storylines and bright colours. Successful children's TV also requires the presence of a large, formless creature, an entity usually combining equal elements of human and bovine. The cow-beast is crucial. So it is with Bowling for Columbine, Michael Moore's Cannes-winning documentary on the wrongs of guns, capitalism, and America, now screening in Australia. The simple tunes and basic storylines are in place. Moore himself plays the Dorothy the Dinosaur role, clumsily loping about in...

Since I am approaching my one year anniversary of being a "freeper" and since I have never contributed a dime to FR, jim or the republican party, I am going to beat the powers to be at FR and voluntarily leave, rather than have them come up with one of the cock and bull stories to ban me. Been fun,Bye