Before you rush to take offence, let me make one thing clear. I am not a starver, or a dieter, or the kind of mean-spirited creature who looks at other women's thighs and thinks: they could use some work. I am a greedy person, a keen consumer of all things meat and dairy. I am also a lumpy person. When I wear low-cut jeans, a ripe Brie-like swell of flesh rises and falls above my waistband. You are as likely to see me in a miniskirt as you are the Duchess of Cornwall in full bondage gear. Does this worry...