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CAMDEN (Feb 1): The Merriam Webster Dictionary definition for flatulence is brief: "flatus expelled through the anus." And while it's a natural bodily function, it seems some Camden-Rockport Middle School eighth-grade boys are taking it to new heights and making a game of seeing who can expel the loudest and grossest flatus. Advertisement According to this week's Fire Cracker school newsletter though, the joke's on the boys as the penalty for "intentional farting" is now a detention. "Strange, but true, thanks to a bunch of 8th grade boys, intentional farting has been banned from CRMS," the newsletter said. "It started...

TORONTO -- So you think your husband's a little too adept at playing the colonic calliope? Wish your sleep wasn't interrupted by a fusillade of flatulence? Well, if you think you've taken up residence in Beantown but he insists his output is normal, you can both take heart that debates like yours are raging all over. You both should know this as well: Whether it takes the form of stealth bombers or noisy bottom burps, flatulence is a normal byproduct of the human body. Everybody farts, multiple times throughout the day and night. But the whens and the hows can...

AUSTRALIAN scientists are trying to give kangaroo-style stomachs to cattle and sheep in a bid to cut the emission of greenhouse gases blamed for global warming, researchers say. Thanks to special bacteria in their stomachs, kangaroo flatulence contains no methane and scientists want to transfer that bacteria to cattle and sheep who emit large quantities of the harmful gas. -snip- Even farmers who laugh at the idea of environmentally friendly kangaroo farts say that's nothing to joke about, particularly given the devastating drought Australia is suffering. -snip-

A social club in Devon has banned a 77-year-old man from breaking wind while indoors.

Original Title -- > Snowy forests 'increase warming' Planting trees in snowy areas may worsen global warming as their canopies absorb sunlight which would otherwise be reflected by the snow, a study says. The report in US journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences says the pine forests of Europe, Siberia and Canada may contribute to warming. Only tropical forests effectively cool the earth by absorbing carbon dioxide and creating clouds, the report says.

Scotland's ban on smoking in pubs has backfired, so to speak, on a regular customer whose constant habit of breaking wind has now resulted in his expulsion from his favorite watering hole. Stewart Laidlaw, 35, is being barred from Thirsty Kirsty's in Dunfermline, Fife, for failing to control his flatulence. "No one could smell anything when the pub was full of cigarette smoke," Laidlaw told Wales on Sunday. "I never used to complain about the smell of their cigarette smoke, but now everyone complains about me. It's just a natural thing. What can I do about it? I must be...

Scientists have photographed a giant gas bubble emanating from a whale, suggesting that flatulence is just as common for ocean mammals as it is for humans and many other terrestrial animals...

While global warming is nothing to laugh at, an Australian company is providing some comic relief, selling carbon credits for flatulent pets and people. So-called carbon emissions, such as carbon dioxide and methane, are greenhouse gases that are thought to be key factors in climate change. These emissions can be offset by purchasing carbon credits, which may be used to fund environmental programs. For 35 Australian dollars (about 27 U.S. dollars), customers of Sydney-based Easy Being Green can offset a year's worth of carbon emissions linked to their dogs, from trips to the vet to, yes, breaking wind.

NORTH PLATTE, Neb. - Brian Bruggeman caused a stink at the Lincoln County Jail earlier this month and will now have to answer for it in court. Another inmate, Jesse Dorris, alleges that Bruggeman's flatulence, passed in close proximity to Dorris, sparked a Dec. 14 fight between the two at the jail. Now Bruggeman, 38, faces a Jan. 11 preliminary hearing on the state's complaint of assault by a confined person. It's a felony punishable by up to five years in prison. Bruggeman is accused of injuring Dorris, his cellmate, when he pushed him into cell bars. Dorris, 26, was...

We're well into the Christmas season, and if the spirit of the Christ child is under assault we have an abundance of air and wind, a lot of it vile and foul. One of the study commissions at the United Nations, perhaps stacked with vegetarians overdosing on tofu and bean sprouts, concludes that the flatulence of cows is more damaging to the environment than automobiles. Poor Bossy, contentedly chewing her cud and minding her own business, now exposed as just another scapegoat (scapecow?) to blame for global warming. But it's not just cows. Some of our most distinguished statespersons are...

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Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning. American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said. The passengers and five crew members were brought off the plane, together with all the luggage, to go through security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches. The FBI...

August 16, 2006 -- A potent, noxious gas odor - first noticed in the waters off Bayonne, N.J. - wafted to the shores of Staten Island and Queens yesterday, sickening at least 21 people and prompting hundreds more to frantically call 911... But Bayonne fire officials said they checked ... and said... "It wasn't us".

A patient's "gas leak" is being blamed for bringing a hospital operation to a fiery end. The man suffered minor burns in a brief but "dramatic" operating theatre fire which is believed to have been caused by flatulence, The New Zealand Herald reported today. The man was at the Southern Cross Hospital in Invercargill to have haemorrhoids removed and was singed in the "exceedingly rare" incident involving his own gas. "This was thought to be flatus containing methane igniting," a health source told the newspaper. "There was a sort of flashfire and that was it, but it was fairly alarming...

After the high-profile confirmations of Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Sam Alito, judicial nominations went into limbo. Today, we'll see the opening gambits on when and whether that will end.The reason the confirmation process came to a standstill is simple: Senate Democrats don't want additional conservatives on the bench and hope to stall votes long enough to keep them off until Democrats can reach the Holy Grail of a Senate majority. That could be a very long time coming, though Democrats always are hopeful that their day is at hand.It's less clear why Republicans let the nominations wallow in...

Tehran, Iran, Apr. 16 – The supreme commander of Iran’s regular armed forces said the Islamic Republic was monitoring enemy positions in the region and was prepared to give a “crushing” response to any foreign attack. “The Islamic Republic of Iran’s army is closely monitoring all military activities across the region and by understanding the enemies’ goals and program has the required awareness and preparedness to counter any direct or indirect threat. The army will decisively respond to even the smallest act of aggression against the sovereignty and interests of the country”, Major General Atta’ollah Salehi said in a statement...

The Muslim-Danish cartoon controversy has provided an excellent teaching opportunity in which the West demonstrates to the Arab world how even insulting/silly/opportunistic/sycophantic speech is allowed expression in our world in the belief that Truth ultimately will prevail. Exhibit A: Al Gore. The former vice president spoke in Saudi Arabia recently at the 2006 Jeddah (not to be confused with Jihadist, though we're not sure why) Economic Forum, where he bashed the U.S. and made Kumbaya noises about all just-getting-along. Which is fine. We'd all like to just get along, but could the Saudis go first? Perhaps Gore, instead of slapping...

'Hydrogen highway' bad route, group saysAlternative fuel championed by governor flawed, but proponents say give it more time By Harrison SheppardSACRAMENTO BUREAU Saturday, November 20, 2004 - SACRAMENTO -- A report by a libertarian think tank seeks to debunk Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's plans for a "hydrogen highway" by claiming hydrogen-fueled vehicles will make little difference in reducing harmful emissions. The report released this week by the Reason Foundation argues that even while hydrogen itself may be clean-burning, the processes used to manufacture and distribute hydrogen are dirty enough to nearly negate the benefits -- and the cost of conversion isn't...

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I appreciate having this opportunity to talk with you about something that's important to both of us -- the 2004 presidential election. You and I share a strong desire to put John Kerry in the White House, and we're not alone: Did you know that in the past five days, nearly 75,000 people from all across the country have donated almost $7 million to help John Kerry get his message out? I am writing today to ask you for your help, too. By contributing to this great cause, you can make sure that John Kerry's message of hope, promise, and...