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Calvinist Health Insurance Company Declares All Conditions Pre-Existing
Babylon Bee ^ | 5/10/17

Posted on 05/11/2017 3:56:51 PM PDT by SoFloFreeper

SANFORD, FL—A newly formed health insurance company owned by a group of devoted Calvinists announced that they will not cover any health condition, since every condition of humankind was pre-existing and established by sovereign God before the foundation of time.

The company, Total Deductibility, states clearly in its bylaws that “pre-existing conditions may not be covered, which include every possible ailment and so-called ‘accident,’ all of which God foreknew and predestined to occur prior to the existence of the client’s policy, and time itself.” The firm was thrilled when the new GOP health care law, which drops the requirement to cover some pre-existing conditions, passed the House, according to a company spokesperson.

“We can now reject every single claim, based on its pre-existing status,” she told reporters. “Whether or not the client was aware of the condition has no bearing; God sovereignly pre-arranged every condition before the dawn of the universe, and therefore we must refuse all claims based on this truth.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; fakenews; health; humor; joke; satire
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To: proud American in Canada

It’s satire.
I opine that The Babylon Bee is the only real satire left; everything else suffers from reality being stranger (and stupider) than fiction.


21 posted on 05/11/2017 5:18:20 PM PDT by ctdonath2 (It's not "white privilege", it's "Puritan work ethic". Behavior begets consequences.)
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To: SoFloFreeper

That’s funny, I don’t care who you are!


22 posted on 05/11/2017 5:39:01 PM PDT by Gamecock ("We always choose according to our greatest inclination at the moment." R.C. Sproul)
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To: SoFloFreeper; drstevej; OrthodoxPresbyterian; CCWoody; Wrigley; Gamecock; Jean Chauvin; jboot; ...

GRPL Ping!


23 posted on 05/11/2017 5:41:37 PM PDT by Gamecock ("We always choose according to our greatest inclination at the moment." R.C. Sproul)
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To: P-Marlowe

At my age, the weekend begins today, so it must be Friday.


24 posted on 05/11/2017 6:10:40 PM PDT by blue-duncan
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To: P-Marlowe; Gamecock; blue-duncan

It is friday someplace.


25 posted on 05/11/2017 6:12:36 PM PDT by xzins (Retired US Army chaplain. Those who truly support our troops pray for their victory.)
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To: P-Marlowe

They forget that the Healer was prepared before the foundation of the world.


26 posted on 05/11/2017 6:18:45 PM PDT by blue-duncan
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To: blue-duncan; P-Marlowe; Gamecock

When a three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”


27 posted on 05/11/2017 6:23:29 PM PDT by xzins (Retired US Army chaplain. Those who truly support our troops pray for their victory.)
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To: proud American in Canada
Is this satire?

Why in the world would anyone buy insurance from this company if they are not going to cover anything? Am I missing something here?

Yes, it is.

Babylon Bee is a Christian satire site.

28 posted on 05/11/2017 6:26:48 PM PDT by Lee N. Field (Come, behold the works of the LORD, how he has brought desolations on the earth.)
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To: Hot Tabasco

Not a Christian hating website. Quite the opposite.


29 posted on 05/11/2017 6:28:06 PM PDT by Drawsing (Fools show their annoyance at once, the prudent man overlooks an insult. Proverbs 12:16)
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To: P-Marlowe; Gamecock; blue-duncan; SoFloFreeper

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter lets him enter.

The next doctor says, “As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives.” St. Peter tells him to go ahead.

The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care.”

St. Peter replies, “You may enter. But,” he adds, “you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell.”


30 posted on 05/11/2017 6:29:40 PM PDT by xzins (Retired US Army chaplain. Those who truly support our troops pray for their victory.)
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To: SoFloFreeper

Vicar: It’s about this letter you sent me regarding my insurance claim.

Devious: Oh, yeah, yeah - well, you see, it’s just that we’re not, as yet, totally satisfied with the grounds of your claim.

Vicar: But it says something about filling my mouth in with cement.

Devious: Oh well, that’s just insurance jargon, you know.

Vicar: But my car was hit by a lorry while standing in the garage and you refuse to pay my claim.

Devious: (rising and crossing to a filing cabinet) Oh well, Reverend Morrison, in your policy... in your policy... (he opens the drawer of the filing cabins and takes out a shabby old sports jacket; he feels in the pocket and pulls out a crumpled dog-eared piece of paper then puts the coat back and shuts the filing cabinet).... here we are. It states quite clearly that no claim you make will be paid.

Vicar: Oh dear.

Devious: You see, you unfortunately plumped for our ‘Neverpay’ policy, which, you know, if you never claim is very worthwhile, but you had to claim, and, well, there it is.

Vicar: Oh dear, oh dear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO2R_DDZPCM


31 posted on 05/11/2017 6:31:18 PM PDT by jiggyboy (Ten percent of poll respondents are either lying or insane)
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To: proud American in Canada

The Babylon bee is Christian satire. Yes.


32 posted on 05/11/2017 6:37:33 PM PDT by vpintheak (Freedom is not equality; and equality is not freedom!)
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To: xzins; Gamecock; blue-duncan

What do an insurance policy and a woman have in common?

They are both expensive, difficult to understand and what you get is not guaranteed.


33 posted on 05/11/2017 6:46:11 PM PDT by P-Marlowe (Freep mail me if you want to be on my Fingerstyle Acoustic Guitar Ping list.)
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To: SoFloFreeper
The original Calvinist...


34 posted on 05/11/2017 7:00:23 PM PDT by CapnJack
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To: CapnJack; SoFloFreeper
The Original Calvin and Hobbes.


35 posted on 05/11/2017 7:07:38 PM PDT by Gamecock ("We always choose according to our greatest inclination at the moment." R.C. Sproul)
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To: SoFloFreeper

But I believe in Free Will.

I have no choice.


36 posted on 05/11/2017 7:11:26 PM PDT by Mrs. Don-o (I'm not denyin' the women are foolish. God Almighty made 'em to match the men.)
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To: SoFloFreeper

Review later.


37 posted on 05/11/2017 7:15:53 PM PDT by strongbow
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To: Bellflower

“I am rapture ready!”

I love that. Me too.

I am rapture ready!


38 posted on 05/11/2017 7:17:09 PM PDT by missthethunder
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To: Ken H; Dr. Sivana; SoFloFreeper; All
I understand they have the least expensive insurance around, and no deductibles! (Ken H)

12 posted on 5/11/2017, 7:17:50 PM by Dr. Sivana The premiums can’t be beat.

LOL! In the immortal words of Billy Preston, "Nothing from nothing leaves nothing..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj5DccgBYeM

39 posted on 05/11/2017 7:20:43 PM PDT by proud American in Canada ( God Bless America (Trump: I will bear the slings and arrows for you, the American people))
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To: SoFloFreeper

TULIP humor. Funny.


40 posted on 05/11/2017 7:24:02 PM PDT by MayflowerMadam ("If we cannot control our tempers, what has grace done for us?" Charles Spurgeon)
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