Free Republic
Browse · Search
Religion
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

10 Great Excuses For Not Reading Your Bible
The Babylon Bee ^ | Jul 26, 2022 | BabylonBee.com

Posted on 07/27/2022 9:49:29 PM PDT by fidelis

We get it. It's hard to read the divinely inspired word of the creator of the universe. He's so judgy! But, since your salvation might depend on it, you better get some great excuses ready to share on Judgment Day.

Here are some of the best excuses for not reading your Bible:

1. You just went to church last month and don't want to overdo it: You don't want to be an extremist!

2. It's not as encouraging as Your Best Life Now: Joel Osteen's prose is to die for.

3. If you take your eye off the Hot Pocket you're microwaving for one second it might burn: And then you'd be hungry! God wouldn't want that.

4. You already watched The Chosen: It's so hard to get into a good book if you already know how it ends.

5. Those 900 Korok seeds in Zelda: Breath of the Wild aren't going to collect themselves: Finding Korok seeds is a metaphor for finding Christ probably.

6. You're Donald Trump and don't need forgiveness: He has never done anything wrong, ever.

7. You're still recovering from the story of Ehud: Enough to give anyone PTSD.

8. You misplaced your copy and new ones are so hard to find: You have to walk all the way to the back of Barnes & Noble.

9. The Jordan Peterson lecture on Genesis you watched has you covered: Up yours woke moralists! We'll see who cancels who from paradise!

20. It's not like the Bible is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work, or anything like that: 'Cause if it were, you'd definitely meditate on it day and night.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; becauseimcatholic; bible; humor; satire
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 161-180181-200201-220221-235 last
To: Elsie
Jude 1:3

Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints.

221 posted on 07/31/2022 6:21:51 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 220 | View Replies]

To: Elsie
Jude 1:3

Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints.


How much MORE do we need than the bible?


1 Corinthians 15 KJV

1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; 2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.

222 posted on 07/31/2022 6:25:11 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 220 | View Replies]

To: Ken Regis

Go to any bookstore and look up “lost books of the Bible”. You’ll see exactly what I’m talking about. Shepherd of Hermas, Gospel of Judas, etc

Without an infallible church to determine canon you’re just guessing. And we’re the ones that determined canon. Protestants weren’t even around then.


223 posted on 08/02/2022 6:58:51 PM PDT by Texas_Guy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 218 | View Replies]

To: Texas_Guy

And your “infallible church” picked the books full of Protestant theology.

Thank you for your endorsement!


224 posted on 08/04/2022 6:04:49 AM PDT by Luircin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 223 | View Replies]

To: Texas_Guy

Neither your “church” nor you are infallible.

And - just so you learn SOMEthing here: we don’t accept your cannon.

BOOM!


225 posted on 08/04/2022 4:05:58 PM PDT by Ken Regis
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 223 | View Replies]

To: Elsie

Rahab

Also Tamar — incest
Bathsheba — adultery
Mary — pregnant before marriage.

The Lord’s DNA has shadows of two Canaanites, a Moabite, a Hittite and a Jew. Assuming similarities in DNA then and now.


226 posted on 08/05/2022 11:11:37 AM PDT by NorthStarOkie (In all that you do, glorify the name of the Lord.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 185 | View Replies]

To: kinsman redeemer
The Church claim is that Mary was kept sinless by the grace of God, not by anything she did or didn't do.
227 posted on 10/25/2024 4:26:38 AM PDT by Cronos
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 207 | View Replies]

To: fidelis

Prefer God
Love truth
Be kind

Jesus is living water,
the well of Bethlehem,
by the gate,
satisfying the thirst of David,
nearby the Siloam Pool.


228 posted on 10/25/2024 4:31:40 AM PDT by linMcHlp
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: kinsman redeemer

well, it’s not just Catholics, but also the Eastern Orthodox, the Oriental Orthodox and the Assyrians.

Note that the Assyrian church was not part of the Roman empire and separate from Rome & Constantinople back in the 220s AD.

And if you read through the arguments by Marcion (who preached an initial form that later became Gnosticism) and Arius (who preached that the Son was lesser than the father, and later followers made it that Jesus was “adopted” to Godhood or “possessed by the Holy Spirit”.

The arguments AGAINST Gnosticism, Adoptionism, Monarchism, Modalism and Arianism is summed by considering the creature Mary as the Theotokos, the Mother of God.

all of the “Titles” are about her pointing to her Son, Jesus God:

- The “ark of the covenant” - the original ark was a created item that was made holy because of what it contained, not of itself. In the same way, Mary was MADE holy because she bore God, not because of anything she did.

The greatest thing that Mary did was accept. The rest, the sinlessness etc. was done purely by God’s grace.

- he prefix “co-” comes from the Latin preposition cum, and cum does not necessarily mean “equal.” It can just mean “with,” and that’s the sense that’s in play when Mary is under discussion with respect to the Redeemer. So she’s not equal to Jesus, but she is a woman who cooperates with the Redeemer. She cooperates with God’s plan and her son’s role in it.

So she, for example, when the angel Gabriel appears to her, she agrees to become the mother of the Messiah, the Redeemer, and thus—you know, she’s even told “He will save his people from their sins”—and so she willingly cooperates with the Redeemer, and in that sense she could be described as someone who works with the Redeemer in a unique way, by being his mom.


229 posted on 10/25/2024 4:54:15 AM PDT by Cronos
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 140 | View Replies]

To: kinsman redeemer

The “Priest” said that I shouldn’t read the Bible because it can only be properly interpreted by a “Priest.”

I’ve never heard that - not in my, my parents or even grandparents generations and not in the fellow Catholics I know from various countries.

I would point out that it is important to read each book of the Bible in its entirety, not in excerpt format - to look at 2 Thessalonians as a whole, not just at one verse by itself.


230 posted on 10/25/2024 4:56:23 AM PDT by Cronos
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 57 | View Replies]

To: Cronos
Well, GFY*!

I have heard of it and it's still TRUE.

AND as I said (in 2022), THAT "church" misled her, but now she is saved."

By "THAT 'church'", I mean the "Holy Roman Catholic "church" -- which is a CULT

* "Good For You"

231 posted on 10/25/2024 2:13:16 PM PDT by kinsman redeemer (The real enemy seeks to devour what is good. )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 230 | View Replies]

To: Cronos
HEY FRiends!

Look how far back Cronos searched to find another complaint about me.

Amazing!

(Rent Free... right in it's head)

232 posted on 10/25/2024 2:15:39 PM PDT by kinsman redeemer (The real enemy seeks to devour what is good. )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 229 | View Replies]

To: kinsman redeemer

Nah. Cults are the clubs outside the church, such as the belief system you are a member of


233 posted on 10/27/2024 2:31:27 PM PDT by Cronos
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 231 | View Replies]

To: Cronos
So, just like your pal, you make the "...rubber...glue..." retort?

Are you 8 years old?

I KNOW your "belief system". You don't know much about my Church.

...and I'm done with you on this thread. Play with yourself.

234 posted on 10/28/2024 5:31:48 AM PDT by kinsman redeemer (The real enemy seeks to devour what is good. )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 233 | View Replies]

To: kinsman redeemer

I know that you aren’t part of orthodoxy, so you are in a cult.


235 posted on 10/28/2024 5:46:50 AM PDT by Cronos
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 234 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 161-180181-200201-220221-235 last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Religion
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson