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10 Great Excuses For Not Reading Your Bible
The Babylon Bee ^ | Jul 26, 2022 | BabylonBee.com

Posted on 07/27/2022 9:49:29 PM PDT by fidelis

We get it. It's hard to read the divinely inspired word of the creator of the universe. He's so judgy! But, since your salvation might depend on it, you better get some great excuses ready to share on Judgment Day.

Here are some of the best excuses for not reading your Bible:

1. You just went to church last month and don't want to overdo it: You don't want to be an extremist!

2. It's not as encouraging as Your Best Life Now: Joel Osteen's prose is to die for.

3. If you take your eye off the Hot Pocket you're microwaving for one second it might burn: And then you'd be hungry! God wouldn't want that.

4. You already watched The Chosen: It's so hard to get into a good book if you already know how it ends.

5. Those 900 Korok seeds in Zelda: Breath of the Wild aren't going to collect themselves: Finding Korok seeds is a metaphor for finding Christ probably.

6. You're Donald Trump and don't need forgiveness: He has never done anything wrong, ever.

7. You're still recovering from the story of Ehud: Enough to give anyone PTSD.

8. You misplaced your copy and new ones are so hard to find: You have to walk all the way to the back of Barnes & Noble.

9. The Jordan Peterson lecture on Genesis you watched has you covered: Up yours woke moralists! We'll see who cancels who from paradise!

20. It's not like the Bible is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work, or anything like that: 'Cause if it were, you'd definitely meditate on it day and night.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; becauseimcatholic; bible; humor; satire
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To: fidelis
They are based on the unbiblical notion of Sola Scriptura (the Bible alone) which I do not ascribe to.

Hey!

If Catholics can ascribe to unbiblical notions; why can't we PROTS??


After all, your first pope wrote:

2 Peter 1:3 niv
 
His divine power has given us everything we need
for a godly life through our knowledge of him
who called us by his own glory and goodness.

181 posted on 07/29/2022 12:46:25 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: metmom
I'm at home and I have some...
182 posted on 07/29/2022 12:47:05 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: metmom

We are linked in super natural ways.

(Or maybe just thru the Holy Spirit.)


183 posted on 07/29/2022 12:47:55 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: metmom

...or readin’ stuff on FR every day.


184 posted on 07/29/2022 12:48:18 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: metmom
But then again, Mary’s parents weren’t sinless were they?

Jesus' great-great-great-great-great-great-great-(who knows how many)-great-great-great-great-gramma sure wasn't: RAHAB.

185 posted on 07/29/2022 12:50:10 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Elsie

Full of Grace, by design.


186 posted on 07/29/2022 12:53:10 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

You’ve got that right.

Maybe except for the Holy Father Pope Francis part.

One Guy I know refers to that individual as “Bergoglio”.


187 posted on 07/29/2022 12:55:59 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

Anybody ever tell you you ask too many questions?

JK.


188 posted on 07/29/2022 12:57:55 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie; one guy in new jersey; kinsman redeemer
"Behold your mother" trimmed away a LOT of context!


John 19:25-27

 25Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene. 

26When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son! 

27Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.

 


Only these two people were being spoken to and there was NO indication that any other relationships were being forged.

Mary being EVERYONES mother is definitely unbiblical!

189 posted on 07/29/2022 12:59:25 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: metmom

Mary’s parents weren’t sinless were they?

_________

I am unaware of any such teaching or pious belief.


190 posted on 07/29/2022 1:00:26 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

She’s yours, Elsie. If you would only claim her.


191 posted on 07/29/2022 1:01:28 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: one guy in new jersey
 1 Corinthians 4:6
Now, brothers, I have applied these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, so that you may learn from us the meaning of the saying,
 "Do not go beyond what is written." Then you will not take pride in one man over against another.


If Rome is not going to obey this, why on earth was it included in the Scriptures?

192 posted on 07/29/2022 1:01:46 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: one guy in new jersey

No, I want to claim YOUR mom as mine.

And don’t you be tryin’ to tell me I can’t!


193 posted on 07/29/2022 1:03:04 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Elsie

I know you must miss your mom who passed away, very sorry about that.


194 posted on 07/29/2022 1:03:42 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

You can.


195 posted on 07/29/2022 1:04:57 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: fidelis

Let me come at it a different way then: Is there adequate information in the catechism to get a person saved and to heaven?


196 posted on 07/29/2022 1:04:57 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: one guy in new jersey
Full of Grace, by design.


Methinks 'full of {I can't say that in the Religious forum}' is more accurate.

NOTHING is found in Scripture than even HINTS at these supposed abilities that Rome has attributed to Mary.

197 posted on 07/29/2022 1:08:09 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: one guy in new jersey

Anyone ever tell you that you tend to toss out oblique answers?


198 posted on 07/29/2022 1:08:55 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Elsie

Tradition consists of that which was committed to writing, and that which was conveyed orally.

By the way, did you ever buy the paperback the two disciples wrote, the ones who were on the way to Emmaus?

Me neither.

But do you think the risen Christ wasted a single breath explaining the meaning of scripture to them?

No, neither do I.

So into what repository did all of this unwritten insight go? Into the collective mind and heart of Holy Mother Church. That’s where. The indefectible Bride of Christ has been the font of understanding since the first Pentecost.


199 posted on 07/29/2022 1:17:33 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

Answering a question with a question.

I can respect that...


200 posted on 07/29/2022 1:18:39 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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