Angry Arminian Mob Pulls Down Statue Of John Calvin

Babylon Bee ^

[Gamecock]

PITTSBURGH, PA—A rowdy gang of angry, riled-up Arminian believers gathered to pull down a statue of Reformer John Calvin standing in front of Calvin Reformed Bible College & Seminary, authorities confirmed Friday.

The band of Wesleyan troublemakers brought a rope, lassoed it around the neck of the stone likeness of Calvin, and yanked it down while yelling rallying cries like “Down with limited atonement!” “You’ll never take our free will!” and “For Servetus!”

Mob members then stomped on the statue and spray-painted crude Arminian slogans on the downed Reformer, according to police reports.

“We encourage all citizens to stay indoors as this dangerous gang of theological hooligans roams the streets,” police chief Ed Patterson said at a press conference. “When you get the Arminians going, there’s no extent to the depravity they can display.”

“Stay safe out there, and may God bless you all,” the police officer concluded before ducking to avoid an on-fire copy of Why I Am Not A Calvinist hurled by a rogue protester in the crowd.

[OKSooner]

Like.

For Servetus...

[fella]

It could happen.

[spirited irish]

Another contender for mob of the moment: Arminian Lives Matter.

[OrangeHoof]

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so a few pre-selected and irresistably-drawn people that believe in Him might not perish but have everlasting life.”

- John 3:16, Calvinist Bible

[fella]

All this statue BS going on reminds me of the various Pharaohs destroying the images of their predecessors.

[Leaning Right]

I can relate to this article. As a Lutheran, I am quite angry at the Methodists. They trigger me. As soon as I can find a statue of that Method guy, down it goes!

[left that other site]

LOL! :-)

[Vigilanteman]

Calvin was a nasty piece of work. I am not so sure he was right and the Arminians were wrong. If you have kill people to enforce your way of thinking, it presents a problem with your moral argument.

[Vigilanteman]

LOL! I’m a fan of Jan Hus, FWIW.

[Salvavida]

Calvin and Jacob are irrelevant. I hope people don't frame their positions on what men say. The only question is what do the Scriptures teach?

Are there maverick molecules in the universe....or not?

[metmom]

This time I could tell.

The Bee is the only source I know that regularly takes pot shots at Calvinists.

[RoosterRedux]

The band of Wesleyan troublemakers

Let's call these lunatics what they are. They're Methodist radicals.;-)

[Skepolitic]

Best BB satire ever!

[Albion Wilde]

BUMP

[Deplorable American1776]

Babylon Times more accurate than the New York Times. 😋

[Forgiven_Sinner]

Great satire! I love Babylon Bee!

As an Arminian, I’ll wear a T-shirt ‘Free Will Matters’.

[cdcdawg]

What did the Calvinist say after he fell down the stairs?
Thank God that’s over with. My preacher loves that one a little too much TBH.

[KarlInOhio]

For some reason the Bee's Calvinist articles are predestined to be funnier than the rest.

Calvinist Dog Corrects Owner: ‘No One Is A Good Boy

“We’ve been over this, Matt. We’re all corrupted—every one of us,” Rupert reportedly said to his owner after stopping mid-stride to address the glaring theological error. “How can you call me a good boy when we have all been marred by the effects of sin?”

[Mark17]

How can this be? I thought the Turks did all the Armenians in, during WW 1? 🤪🤗🙃🤣🤑😆😊

[Gamecock]

I see what you did there!