Posted on 06/23/2009 4:52:16 PM PDT by Bokababe
Reunions of adopted children and their birth parents are usually heartwarming moments in which tears flow and broken bonds are made whole in mere seconds.
At least that's how it usually plays out on "Oprah."
But that wasn't the case last Dec. 13, when an Atlantic City woman came face to face with the daughter she placed for adoption 30 years ago after being raped.
This short reunion on the woman's doorstep left her feeling "violated, in shock, and short of breath," according to a lawsuit filed Thursday in U.S. District Court, in Camden, and she believes that a division of New Jersey's Department of Children and Families helped set up the traumatic event.
(Excerpt) Read more at philly.com ...
You are "shoulding" all over someone you don't know. You don't know the offspring, either, who for all you know might be a druggie or prostitute -- or might be a wealthy entrepreneur, whereas the mother might be a working-class person whose husband would dump her over this. You really don't know. So stop judging.
No, it did not.
That isn’t how this works.
Taking that tact, if you aren’t a Social Worker you shouldn’t be voicing your opinion here either. And if you are a Social Worker, but haven’t been raped..........well you can see where that leads.
This isn’t about being adopted, giving someone up for adoption, or any of that.
This is about the right of a rape victim to protect her privacy, as she indicated years ago, and to move on with her life as she choses, without a bunch of Big Government Leftists imposing their values on her.
No she doesn't.
It may be the ultimate irony, but the child, who had no right to live (according to "current rights"), but once alive, can now conjure up the darkest nightmare of someone who just wants to be left alone.
And the clueless, controlling twits among us would impose their twisted sense of justice on someone else.
but they don’t know if it got to her, anything could have happened. Ignoring a letter from a state agency doesn’t make it go away. Try ignoring a letter from the state about your taxes being due.
I am an adoptee, and I think that adopted children that think they can’t be whole without knowing their biological parents need to grow up and STFU!
Be grateful for what God has given you and get on with your life.
My question stands, does the state law say that if she doesn’t say NO, they are to assume she meant YES?
One thing though is that the adoptee should be given NII(Non-Identifying Information)including family medical history no matter what.
Probably the law should assume ‘no’ unless otherwise notified.
Brilliant
That would be all the more reason to not contact her!
The birth mother should have rights to make decisions on hers side just as the child should have rights! BOTH should have to agree on this.
This isn’t one of those “default” areas: If you believe she didn’t receive the message, send it again. Send it as often as you want; but until you receive an answer, assume that the answer is “no.”
You are telling me to stop judging? Most comments on FR are judgments of some kind.
You don’t have a clue either as to what is going on other than that some woman ignored a letter from the state, didn’t like the results and filed a law suit over it.
Have you wondered how the state knew where she was.
People move allot in 30 years, how did they have a current address?
Could they have looked up current tax records, maybe, but probably to much work.
Sometimes doors just need to stay closed. It is not up to this woman to meet the child’s needs. She birthed the child and gave it up.
>>Would you want to look at the face of the person who raped you on the face of a person who is needy and angry and rejected and aggressive and demanding?<<
You are making more assumptions about the daughter, that borders on Straw Man.
From my years of working Psych, I can tell you that the lady needs some help regarding the rape.
Then you also know that help for these things shouldn't be forced on someone.
I disagree. Until both parties agree to the reconciliation, then the status quo must remain in place.
And I said that many people have identity issues and that you, chae, have no way of measuring which ones are greater. It varies from one individual to the next, regardless. But I do hear that you have been telling yourself that your issues are entirely attributable to adoption; and I'm more supportive to you than you seem able to hear in telling you that your issues may not be any worse than the next guy. What I do know is that your beliefs about your perceived situation are more powerful than the facts. You can't change the past; you can change your beliefs.
And I do not blame anyone who wants to know where they came from. The state did what the law required and this woman ignored a letter asking if she was ok with this, so she is at fault for this.
Why blame anyone? You seem to feel that blaming someone will help. It won't. The facts are that the state made a mistake, ignored its promise of confidentiality, assumed it could interfere with a person's privacy based on one letter that may just as well have gotten lost in the mail, and now is being sued. Those are the facts. You have a need to "blame" the victim of rape all over again. Ease up. Neither she nor her offspring need to be blamed. It is up to the mother whether she wants to meet the offspring. She doesn't. It's none of the state's business to force her to produce positive emotions about this person who has interloped intrusively instead of taking a more discreet approach.
No, my FRiend. Sometimes things need to be forced. Seriously.
Not to say that this is the WAY that it should be, but the lady should take it as a wake-up call. She needs help. She should get it or her family should get it for her.
Why would you vote against her? I hope she wins big! She has the right to privacy and protection from governmental intrusion into her life. That has been shattered now.
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