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Distraught woman sues, alleging N.J. helped child of rape find her
Philadelphia Daily News ^ | Tue, Jun. 23, 2009 | JASON NARK

Posted on 06/23/2009 4:52:16 PM PDT by Bokababe

Reunions of adopted children and their birth parents are usually heartwarming moments in which tears flow and broken bonds are made whole in mere seconds.

At least that's how it usually plays out on "Oprah."

But that wasn't the case last Dec. 13, when an Atlantic City woman came face to face with the daughter she placed for adoption 30 years ago after being raped.

This short reunion on the woman's doorstep left her feeling "violated, in shock, and short of breath," according to a lawsuit filed Thursday in U.S. District Court, in Camden, and she believes that a division of New Jersey's Department of Children and Families helped set up the traumatic event.

(Excerpt) Read more at philly.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; Government; US: New Jersey
KEYWORDS: abortion; adoption; moralabsolutes; rape; socialservices
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Sad story. These privacy rules for mothers really need to be enforced, because it could mean the difference between a woman giving a child up for adoption or having an abortion.

I saw a story like this one a few years ago where a woman was raped and gave the child up. It ripped that boy's guts out that his mother wanted nothing to do with him, but she associated him with the worst day of her life and he was just a reminder of it.

1 posted on 06/23/2009 4:52:16 PM PDT by Bokababe
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To: Bokababe

It is not the fault of the adopted child to to want to know where she came from. For some adopted kids it is an obsession.

This woman should have had therapy to deal with this and stop rejecting the daughter. She is an innocent now as she was 30 years ago. Social workers should help them both come to an understanding and parting.


2 posted on 06/23/2009 4:57:43 PM PDT by silverleaf ("Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal ( Martin Luther King))
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To: Bokababe
My 34 yo nephew was adopted and has never had the urge to find his birth parents.....it is different for everyone but we all forget he is adopted.....he has the same walk as my brother with similar facial characteristics as my bro. with the coloring of my sis in law....
3 posted on 06/23/2009 4:58:02 PM PDT by Kimmers (Be the kind of person when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, Oh crap, she's awake)
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To: Bokababe

I always wondered why we never adopted a double-blind system. Mother and or child can put their name in a database. If-and-only-if both want to be contacted, then information is released to both simultaneously so they can meet. If only one enters the base or wants contact, then no info is released and that’s that. It may take some people almost their whole lives to come to terms with that, but IMVHO it seems the best way.


4 posted on 06/23/2009 5:00:42 PM PDT by Clock King
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To: Bokababe

She needn’t blame the 30 year old child. She didn’t rape her.


5 posted on 06/23/2009 5:00:53 PM PDT by Retired Greyhound
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To: Bokababe

If the woman was,in fact,raped (which I’m willing to assume is the case) then this is sad situation but the lawsuit is baloney.If I was on the jury I’d vote against her.


6 posted on 06/23/2009 5:01:17 PM PDT by Gay State Conservative (Christian+Veteran=Terrorist)
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To: Kimmers

I’ve read that adopted males are far far less interested in finding their birth parent(s). The need for completeness seems to hit females much harder.


7 posted on 06/23/2009 5:03:07 PM PDT by Clock King
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To: Bokababe

I find it disgusting that this woman blames the child for the rape, no matter what she is saying, she blames the child. The was and is still innocent.


8 posted on 06/23/2009 5:04:43 PM PDT by svcw (Barry: mentally deficient & narcissistic megonogistic megalomaniac psychopath w/ paranoid delusions)
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To: Clock King

I’m adopted and a female. I just want to know. Like do I have any risk factors for certain diseases or anything like that. Or what if I ever need some type of transplant or blood transfusion. For me it’s stuff like that.


9 posted on 06/23/2009 5:08:08 PM PDT by chae (I am karmic retribution)
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To: Gay State Conservative

she can’t be too upset over being reminded of her “worst day” since she filed a lawsuit where this will drag out for years.


10 posted on 06/23/2009 5:10:13 PM PDT by Chet 99
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To: silverleaf
Social workers should help them both come to an understanding and parting.

By what right does the government have the authority to impose its values on the mother?

11 posted on 06/23/2009 5:10:55 PM PDT by rogue yam
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To: chae

You have every right to know these things, your records should be open.


12 posted on 06/23/2009 5:11:40 PM PDT by svcw (Barry: mentally deficient & narcissistic megonogistic megalomaniac psychopath w/ paranoid delusions)
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To: Chet 99
she can’t be too upset over being reminded of her “worst day” since she filed a lawsuit where this will drag out for years.

Very good point.

13 posted on 06/23/2009 5:13:14 PM PDT by Gay State Conservative (Christian+Veteran=Terrorist)
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To: Retired Greyhound
She needn’t blame the 30 year old child. She didn’t rape her.

It is the government who has imposed on this mother. She should have been left alone according to her wishes.

14 posted on 06/23/2009 5:13:50 PM PDT by rogue yam
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To: Gay State Conservative
If the woman was,in fact,raped (which I’m willing to assume is the case) then this is sad situation but the lawsuit is baloney.If I was on the jury I’d vote against her.

But you don't say why. That makes you seem akin to the State. You want what you want and you impose it on others regardless.

15 posted on 06/23/2009 5:15:46 PM PDT by rogue yam
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To: rogue yam

who said getting social workers to help them both would be a legal mandate?

Just common sense. From one who is close to the same situation.


16 posted on 06/23/2009 5:19:34 PM PDT by silverleaf ("Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal ( Martin Luther King))
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To: rogue yam

She never said that she didn’t want contact with the girl before-hand. The stae of NJ sent her a letter and she did not respond to it. She did not make them aware of her wishes.


17 posted on 06/23/2009 5:19:41 PM PDT by chae (I am karmic retribution)
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To: svcw
I find it disgusting that this woman blames the child for the rape, no matter what she is saying, she blames the child. The was and is still innocent.

This is vindictive, arrogant, and incoherent. You do not know this woman's heart and you have no right to judge how she "should" feel in this situation.

18 posted on 06/23/2009 5:22:03 PM PDT by rogue yam
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To: silverleaf

Thank you so much. I agree totally.


19 posted on 06/23/2009 5:24:05 PM PDT by netmilsmom (Psalm 109:8 - Let his days be few; and let another take his office)
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To: Chet 99
she can’t be too upset over being reminded of her “worst day” since she filed a lawsuit where this will drag out for years.

Maybe she would feel better after being compensated? Maybe she is trying to prevent others from experiencing the same thing at the hand of the State? Who are you to say otherwise?

20 posted on 06/23/2009 5:25:29 PM PDT by rogue yam
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