She never said that she didn’t want contact with the girl before-hand. The stae of NJ sent her a letter and she did not respond to it. She did not make them aware of her wishes.
We are told repeatedly not to answer spam email, because then the spammer will know your address is valid. How is this different?
The state had made her a promise and since you did not read the language of the letter, you really don't know if it promised again not to contact her, do you? Have you ever been raped, or borne the child of a rapist? Do you think the letter was as simple as filling out an order form at a Chinese take-out restaurant?