Posted on 01/12/2007 8:47:34 PM PST by doug from upland
In response to the outrageous and undercovered national security scandal involving Sandy Berger, Bill Bennett is holding a song contest to shine the light on this. Having created a few political parodies, I thought I would give it a try. I'll bring the 34 songs I did this week into this thread either one at a time or in small groups. I hope you will find something you like.
Sandy Berger Lies Contest Rules
1. Write lyrics to an already existing song, or song you write yourself, that tells the story of the Sandy Berger archives scandal. E.g., "Sandy Berger Lies" for "Bette Davis Eyes." Any song will do, or a new song you write. The winner receives $1,000.
2. The lyrics (or song if it is original) will be the property of "Bill Bennett's Morning in America" and can be used in perpetuity for the one-time contest payout of $1,000.
3. Submission must be by email.
4. Deadline for submission is January 12, winner announced January 19th, 2007.
5. Decision of the judges is final.
Something is wrong
so very wrong
Somebody tell me whats going on
Its getting old
worn out and old
Rotting in prisons where he belongs
Major felonies from a major sleaze
He got away with stealing some history
Hes a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
One day Clinton said, You must take a chance
Get the memos and then stuff them in your pants
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag
yes, I know that isnt nice
But like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price
Hes a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
Violates the law
thats the way it goes
Once again by Noel Hillman we got hosed
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag
yes, I know that isnt nice
But like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price
Hes a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
Access was obtained
Clinton got him in
He sat down and subterfuge would soon begin
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag
yes, I know that isnt nice
But like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price
Something is wrong
so very wrong
Somebody tell me whats going on
Its getting old
worn out and old
Rotting in prisons where he belongs
Major felonies from a major sleaze
He got away with stealing some history
Hes a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
Following the lead of his mentor Bill
Those guys are undoubtedly conspiring still
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag
yes, I know that isnt nice
But like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price
Hes a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
He wants us to think its an accident
Things he did for the impeached ex-president
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag
yes, I know that isnt nice
Like all Clintonstas, like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price
Hes a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
And just like his boss, he ignored the threats
We dont even know of all their damage yet
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag
yes, I know that isnt nice
Like all Clintonstas, he is never gonna pay a price
Hes a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
Friends said that his desk always was a mess
So they blamed the whole thing on his sloppiness
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag
yes, I know that isnt nice
Like all Clintonstas, he is never gonna pay a price
Hes a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
If the truth comes out, we are gonna find
Terror was the last thing that was on their mind
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag
yes, I know that isnt nice
Like the Clintonista gang
like the Clintonista gang
like the Clintonista gang
He will never pay a price
COMING NEXT: La Donna è Mobile (yes, from the Italian opera)
La Donna è Mobile
Get MIDI music here: http://www.amato.org/amato0102/rigoletto02.html
Documents in his pants
Sandy took quite a chance
Several were there to see
felonies
Stealing some history
for Clintons legacy
Hes Sandy Burglar man
he would do all he can
Soon the commission meets
he would be feeling heat
Friends laughed at sloppiness
he lived in such a mess
What had he been stealing
about Clintons dealings
Though he had the chance
Osama would not be killed
Not today, not today
no, he would not be killed
Not todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
he would not be killed today
Documents in his socks
his excuse is a crock
It was an accident
no harm meant
Would Sandy pay the price
orange jump suits can look nice
Perp walks are fun to see
on pay per view TV
Everything would be fine
hed do no jail time
He was a Clinton hack
hed get his clearance back
What had he been stealing
about Clintons dealings
Though he had the chance
Osama would not be killed
Not today, not today
no, he would not be killed
Not todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
he would not be killed today
COMING NEXT: Mambo No. 5
MAMBO #5
MIDI music here --- http://d21c.com/dodgerdawg/M-R.html
Sandy, theres the door
go inside and get the folders and start to explore
There are things in there that we can never let out
Every day and every night Ive been thinking about them
This stuff really worries me
it might screw up my whole legacy
Osamas lost, I had blown it, that will be revealed
Right wingers will go nuts as my façade is peeled
It is becoming such a hopeless situation...sometimes I don't know what I will do
I hope that you can turn things around...thats why I am counting on you, so
A little stack of memos is what I need
I know that you can do it, oh, yes indeed
Its really taking just a little chance
it wont be hard to stuff them down your pants
And just like Dr. Zeus, we know he rocks
youll have fun hiding docs down in your socks
Id do this job myself, oh, if but I could
but I know it would be misunderstood
In you I have a lot of confidence..but if you get caught, Ill pay for your defense
Around you guards are bound to lurk
the mens room excuse
I think that should work
Outsides a trailer that will be a perfect drop zone
I am pretty certain youll be all alone
Some secret memos is what I need
I know that you can do it, oh, yes indeed
Its really taking just a little chance
it wont be hard to stuff them down your pants
And just like Dr. Zeus, we know he rocks
youll have fun hiding docs down in your socks
Id do this job myself, oh, if but I could
but I know it would be misunderstood
San......................................dy
San......................................dy
San......................................dy
A little stack of memos is what I need
I know that you can do it, oh, yes indeed
Its really taking just a little chance
it wont be hard to stuff them down your pants
And just like Dr. Zeus, we know he rocks
youll have fun hiding docs down in your socks
Id do this job myself, oh, if but I could
but I know it would be misunderstood
Sandy, there is the door
its time that you go in and explore
If you do this, I wont ask for more
and Ill stay the one girls adore
COMING NEXT: Bette Davis Eyes
*****Was there something besides these on Powerline? I saw them a few days ago there and wasn't very impressed.*****
Schlagers!
Bill Bennett and Seth Leibsohn have named me a judge in the "Sandy Berger Lies" songwriting contest that Bill announced this morning (discussed below in "His back pages" and "Fourth of July, Asbury Park"). I must therefore avoid the appearance of impropriety and maintain strict neutrality in noting a few of the contest entries that Seth has forwarded. Here is one to be sung to the tune of the "Ballard of Jed Clampett" (the theme song of "The Beverly Hillbillies"):
Come 'n listen to my story 'bout a man named Sandy
A censured liberal lobbyist, Clinton's man for Security
Preppin' for 9/11 testimony, he was readin' some notes
And down into the ground went those bumblin' quotes
Cover-up, that is, black deeds, Washington creed
Well, the first thing you know, old Sandy's a felon
Bill and Hillary said, Sandy, don't you be tellin'
Said, our legacy is the thing you gotta protect
So he loaded up his pants, incompetence never to detect
Cover-up, that is, legacy of fools, political stars
Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Sandy and accessory
They would like to thank you for kindly droppin' scrutiny
You're all invited back again to the DC locality
To have a heapin' helpin' of their criminality
Clinton, that is, set a spell, take your shoes off
Next Dem Prez Sandy'll be back, ya hear?
I didn't think it was possible to put Barry Manilow's schlagger epic "Mandy" to good use, but this entry has turned me around with lyrics to the tune of "Mandy":
They say you are a thief
Your crime beyond belief
Stealing papers from the Man
Hiding them where you can
In your socks; underneath a truck.
Then you ran out of luck.
Oh, Sandy
You came and you took without asking
Busted for the crime
Facing some jail time
You should be sent away
Cryin' all the way
For some reason,
You commttted treason.
Oh, Sandy.
Keep your creative juices flowing, note the contest rules here and don't miss the January 12 deadline.
Posted by Scott at 09:31 PM | |
BETTE DAVIS EYES
Get music here: http://www.aspecialplace.net/midi/index.htm
Hes at the reading room
he waddles in
Sandys up to no good
he sits down and he will begin
Bill sent him on a mission
about legacy
He will commit a crime
he was told to hide history
What hes doing no ones knowing
Explanations hell be owing
What guards see is
inexplicable
his girth seems to be growing
He is Michael Moore supersized
hes got, self-inflating thighs
He finds the files he wants
and fills his pants
Former NSA guy
why would Sandy take such a chance
It was his decision
to go through with the crime
Since hes a friend of Bill, Sandy Burglars doing no time
What hes doing no ones knowing
Explanations hell be owing
What guards see is
inexplicable
his girth seems to be growing
He is Michael Moore supersized
hes got, self-inflating thighs
What hes doing no ones knowing
Explanations hell be owing
What guards see is
inexplicable
his girth seems to be growing
He is Michael Moore supersized
hes got, self-inflating thighs
What hes doing no ones knowing
Girth is growing
he is Michael Moore supersized
What hes doing no ones knowing
Girth is growing
he is Michael Moore supersized
COMING NEXT: Mandy
Nice.
I hope this is a little better than the Mandy that was on Powerline. Obviously, with 34 songs, the themes are going to be quite repetitious.
MANDY
Music file here (choose the karaoke version)http://tinpan.fortunecity.com/myway/231/interabcd.htm
I remember all my life
I have faced a lot of strife
When I just had won that Senate fight
I thought everything was going to be all right
Now here we go, another day
documents must go away
If they were revealed, its my legacy
I had needed help in hiding the history
(Oh) Sandy
you marched in and then you began stealing
Thats a real gutsy play
Oh, Sandy
and once more we had right wingers reeling
Theyre still flustered today
oh, Sandy
I had planned things carefully
and I set it up for Hillary
If it all came out, Id live in fear
She would not accept, another Sorry, dear
One day I asked and you came through
You did what nobody else could do
There was that thing regarding bin Laden
Some people had screamed that something was rotten
Oh, Sandy
you marched in and then you began stealing
Thats a real gutsy play
Oh, Sandy
and once more we had right wingers reeling
Theyre still flustered today
oh, Sandy
I proved once again that Im resilient
Memos in your pants
now, thats really brilliant
Oh, Sandy
you marched in and then you began stealing
Thats a real gutsy play
Oh, Sandy
and once more we had right wingers reeling
Theyre still flustered today
Oh, Sandy
you marched in and then you began stealing
Thats a real gutsy play
Oh, Sandy
and once more we had right wingers reeling
Theyre still flus-tered today
COMING NEXT: Out of Time
THE SANDY MAN
Tune: "The Candy Man"
Who can take a paper
Stuff it in a shoe
Cover up the caper
With a perjury or two?
The Sandy Man . . .
The Sandy Man can . . .
The Sandy Man can
'Cause he takes it from the file
To make his boss look good.
Who can take a secret
Tape it to his thigh
Walk it out and sneak it
Like an undercover spy?
The Sandy Man . . .
The Sandy Man can . . .
The Sandy Man can
'Cause he takes it from the file
To make his boss look good.
The Sandy Man makes
Every move that takes
Classifying as suspicious
And the line of crap he dishes
You can even call fictitious.
Who can take a memo
Slip it up a sleeve
Hold it near his elbow
And say nothing when he leaves?
The Sandy Man . . .
The Sandy Man can . . .
The Sandy Man can
'Cause he takes it from the file
To make his boss look good.
The Sandy Man makes
Every move that takes
Classifying as suspicious
And the line of crap he dishes
You can even call fictitious.
Who can take a memo
Slip it up a sleeve
Hold it near his elbow
And say nothing when he leaves?
The Sandy Man . . .
The Sandy Man can . . .
The Sandy Man can
'Cause he takes it from the file
To make his boss look good. . . .
(SITTIN' WHERE) THE DOCUMENTS LAY
Tune: "(Sittin' on) The Dock of the Bay"
Sittin' in an archive room
I see written who did what about whom
Watchin' for Clinton's role
Got to keep my boss's legacy whole
I'm sittin' where the documents lay
Watchin' the guard walk away
I'll just fit 'em in my socks so they'll stay
Placed inside
I'm liftin' just a portion
Just the ones that would give Clinton grief
If I do a few more contortions
It looks like some will even fit in my briefs
I'm sittin' where the documents lay
Watchin' the guard walk away
I'll just fit 'em in my socks so they'll stay
Placed inside
Looks like nothing seems too strange
Everything still appears the same
But I still got these ten papers here left to do
So I hope my suit stands the strain
Sittin' here looking around
And these documents must weigh fifty pounds
These two thousand files I found
Tend to make my socks fall down
I'm sittin' where the documents lay
Watchin' the guard walk away
I'll just fit 'em in my socks so they'll stay
Placed inside
"IN THE ARCHIVES" (Sandy works for me)
Tune: "In the Garden" (And he walks with me)
As sung by Bill Clinton
He comes to the Archives alone
Pulls a heist right under their noses
'Cause the stuff they have
Would make me look bad
The things that it discloses
Sandy works for me
He does dirt for me
And he knows what files need to go
And the stuff he takes
Showing my mistakes
None other will ever know
He speaks and the sound of his voice
Is so sweet the guards stop their guarding
And the documents
In his socks and pants
He'll soon be out discarding
Sandy works for me
He does dirt for me
And he knows what files need to go
And the stuff he takes
Showing my mistakes
None other will ever know
I'd go to the Archives with him
But that might cause people to murmur
That's the reason why
I can now deny
I ever knew this Berger
Sandy works for me
He does dirt for me
And he knows what files need to go
And the stuff he takes
Showing my mistakes
None other will ever know
.
When I first heard the contest announced last Monday, I knew right then Doug From Upland would be collecting that check.
OUT OF TIME
Get music here: http://jhfoster.tripod.com/the60s.html
They wont know whats going on
it shouldnt take you very long
Get over there and do it right away
The memos must stay hidden
from right wing eyes, forbidden
And so, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
I said Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
There is no more doubt
there are things we cant let out
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
In the war with terrorists
each chance I had I would resist
With Monica Im busy as could be
The memos must stay hidden
from right wing eyes, forbidden
And so, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
I said Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
There is no more doubt
there are things we cant let out
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
When theres 9-11 blame
I know just how to play the game
And Ill make sure that Jamies there for me
The memos must stay hidden
from right wing eyes, forbidden
And so, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
I said Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
There is no doubt
there are things we cant let out
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
Sandy, commit the crime
.Sandy, commit the crime
COMING NEXT: Do-Re-Mi
Well, it will take some luck. I am sure there are some incredible parodies. As of yesterday, he had about 800 entries. I tried to create them from different genre. Although I searched, I couldn't find what music Bennett likes. He sang Sandman on his show, but he sings as bad as I do.
DO-RE-MI
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Club/1437
Whenever youre thinking of thievery
and of our security
Whats the first name that you should think about
I will give you a hint, its Sandy B
Sandy B
Sandy B
The guy who had the docs in his socks
Sandy B
Sandy B
Is it Sandy Burglar Man
yes, its Sandy Burglar Man
B can you B-lieve this stuff
U U must be kidding me
R What R they gonna do
G no jail time, well G
L now what the L is this
A Ill be shaking A fist
R R you getting the jist
BURGLAR got away with felonies, oh
B can you B-lieve this stuff
U U must be kidding me
R What R they gonna do
G no jail time, well G
L now what the L is this
A Ill be shaking A fist
R R you getting the jist
BURGLAR got away..oh
B can you B-lieve this stuff
U U must be kidding me
R What R they gonna do
G no jail time, well G
L now what the L is this
A Ill be shaking A fist
R R you getting the jist
Sandy Burglar got away!
COMING NEXT: Amore
THATS AMORE
Get music here: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/3331/logan/midi/
(musical intro)
Sandy took a big chance and he filled up his pants
thats the story
Bill said get over there, its a crime, I dont care
thats the story
Sandy went to the reading room, he was full of gloom, understandably worried
If his caught, trouble would be big, sweating like a pig, he knew he had to hurry
Sandys taking the docs and hes stuffing his socks
thats the story
The Commission was meeting and they had to cover their tracks
Clinton told him, my friend, please remember its No guts, no glory
They were partners in felonies, that is the rest of the story
Its a real crying shame Fitzgerald works on Plame
thats no story
Heres a breach that is bigger than anything seen in a while
Clinton told him, my friend, dont you be choosing No guts, no glory
They were partners in felonies, that is the rest of the story
The story
the story
COMING NEXT: Obla-di Obla-da (one of my favorites)
OBLA-DI OBLA-DA
Get music here: http://www.swissdom.cc/midis/beatles/beatles.html
(choose karaoke version)
Sandy Burglar headed to the archives room
Clinton told him what he had to do
He warned Sandy there would be a consequence
If he discovered that he failed to come through
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on
Clinton crime continues on
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on
when will he be finally gone
Clinton got him in and Sandys hard at work
Trying to preserve the legacy
In the margins he had read the words he wrote
But the Commission would not see this history
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on
Clinton crime continues on
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on
when will he be finally gone
The thing Sandy had done was a felony
Bills laughing
hes laughing
hes laughing
hes laughing
With the Clintonistas we always see
That they are above the law
Guards are watching Sandy and become concerned
Far too often he has sought relief
If they only knew what had been going on
In the mens restroom he pulled memos from his briefs
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on
Clinton crime continues on
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on
when will he be finally gone
The thing Sandy had done was a felony
Bills laughing
hes laughing
hes laughing
hes laughing
With the Clintonistas we always see
That they are above the law
Finally he gets caught and wants to cut a deal
What will happen to this Clinton hack
They agree that he will do no jail time
And in a few years he will get his clearance back
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on
Clinton crime continues on
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on
when will he be finally gone
Clinton crimes goes on
when will the guy be gone
COMING NEXT: Beep Beep
BEEP BEEP
Get music here: http://www.midistudio.com/Studios/TedK/tedk50s.htm
While guarding at my archive post, much to my surprise
Bill Clinton got access for some sloppy guy
I cant believe my eyes
Hes not quite as bad as, say Michael Moore
but theres something that I dont like
If he starts causing trouble, I will make him take a hike
A creep, a creep
this guy is such a creep
My supervisor said to me to straighten up my tie
And I must be respecting the work hes done, this big NSA guy
Hes doing things quite suspiciously and I wonder what hes up to
Ill ask a fellow guard to help and watch what he will do
A creep, a creep
this guy is such a creep
He goes off to the restroom as he did awhile ago
Im thinking that he has problems with his plumbing down below
And then I might have seen an illusion
because his trousers are looking more full
It seems that his thighs have been growing and thats inexplicable
A creep, a creep
this guy is such a creep
Now Im certain that something is wrong
his hands are down in his pants
If this guy is some kind of pervert, hes taking quite a chance
And then I had noticed memos that were sticking out of his socks
If this clown has been stealing things, his head is full of rocks
A creep, a creep
this guy is such a creep
Then he knows I am on to him and he is heading out the door
A memo just fell from his pants, and hes leaving it on the floor
He makes it outside the building and he yells back at me
Hey, Buddy, I have just stolen some of our history
COMING NEXT: William Tell Overture (the Lone Ranger)
I know, it's getting boring. Hey, there are only so many parts to the story.
WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE (The Lone Ranger)
MIDI site -- http://www.cheeburger2001.com/mishmash.html
Bill came by, Bill came by, Bill came by, by, by
Sandy asked, Sandy asked, Sandy asked him why
Theres a job, theres a job, theres a job to do
and I know that I can count on you
Its about, its about, its about some files
.Clinton said, Clinton said, with a great big smile
There are things, there are things people cannot see
it will blow the Clinton legacy
You must go, you must go, to the archives and sit down inside the reading room
Dont you give, dont you give, dont you give to me that little wimpy look of gloom
I will warn, I will warn, I will warn you now that you could end up in a park
We will keep, we will keep, we will keep the whole press corps gang in the dark
So he took, so he took, so he took the chance
and he stuffed, and stuffed files down his pants
He would drop, he would drop them off
at the justice system he would scoff
Move along, move along, nothing here to see
there would be, there would be little penalty
Hes a Bill, hes a Bill, a Bill Clinton hack
and he soon would get his clearance back
It was funny as it could be to Clintonistas (musical bridge)
There are phony, you must agree, the Clintonistas (musical bridge)
They have stolen a piece of our history
in defense of a scumbags legacy, legacy, legacy
Were really had enough
we have had enough, we have had enough, we have had enough
But it may not be over, it may not be over
wait and see
The black pantsuit must be stopped
Hillary
COMING NEXT: Lola (L-O-L-A, Lola)
This was fun but quite a challenge to do.
LOLA
http://www.hklook.com/english.htm
I met Bill in his office one sunny day
He said, Sandy, we must talk right away about memos
M-E-M-O, memos
I know that Slick Willys a devious guy
Hes hatching a plan that he had hoped would fly
About memos
about secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
We drank champagne and had a good chat
He asked a favor of me, should I be doing that
With the memos
M-E-M-O, memos
Then he issued a warning to me
Im in trouble if I dont save his legacy
From those memos
from those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
Well, Ive never been a burgle man
Bill told me that was part of the plan
He said that I really didnt have a choice
His face got red as hes raising his voice
I would do what he wants me to do
Commit a felony just like he asked me to
With the memos
with those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
Memos
all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
What had I done
under the gun...deep in the gut
I knew its nuts
What a foolish thing I agreed to do
Thanks to Plame I was catching a break
Fitzgerald did not give a doubletake
to the memos
M-E-M-O
memos
Timing was right for the chance
I went to the archives and I filled up my pants
With secret memos
M-E-M-O memos
Well, Ive never been a burgle man
Bill told me that had to be a part of the plan
He said that I would really have no choice
His face got red as he was raising his voice
So, I would do what he wants me to do
Id commit felonies just like he asked me to
With secret memos
with those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
Memos
all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
Memos
all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
Memos
all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
Memos
all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
COMING NEXT: It's So Nice to Be With You
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