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To: Just another Joe

Why? What do they clean that with? ;^)

Let's just say they clean it with a unique alcohol and ammonia mix applied through a short hose.

101 posted on 05/30/2003 4:40:32 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Let them eat cake.)

To: A_perfect_lady

Let's just say they clean it with a unique alcohol and ammonia mix applied through a short hose.

Unique way of saying that. LOL

102 posted on 05/30/2003 4:41:41 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

To: A_perfect_lady

Having six cats, you should find this helpful.

Rules for cats who have a house to run.

I. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs
and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have
ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things.
This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.
Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

II. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage
in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on
the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

III. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do
anything -- just sit and stare.

IV. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is
idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering".
Following are the rules for "hampering":
a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen
and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie
across the book itself.
c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to
obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every
so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you;
ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make
great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.
d) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards
(annual activity), keep in mind the aim -- to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on.
When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll
around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the
second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of
the paper. They love to jump.

V. WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the
human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when
they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

VI. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

103 posted on 05/30/2003 4:45:32 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

To: Just another Joe

but I must have been holding it really well

Amazing how that works...........

104 posted on 05/30/2003 4:49:40 PM PDT by SeaDragon

To: Just another Joe

Thank you, but my cats WROTE this manual. And some of it has been left out, like the part about making sure your human is up by 6:30am no matter what day it is. When shut out of a room, sit at the door and say,

"Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow?"

Repeat as desired.

And following to the bathroom. What IS that? Oh, cats are natural voyeurs, no question.

Speaking of following, how is it that if you try to get them to follow you, say, to the barn for feeding, they won't. But when you DON'T want them to follow, say, across the road to visit the neighbors, look behind you and you have a parade. Black cat, white cat, calico cat, black & white cat, another black cat, another calico cat... all in a row... in the road... gives me nightmares.

105 posted on 05/30/2003 5:09:20 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Let them eat cake.)

To: MeeknMing; SeaDragon; Just another Joe

But were the beast barely smarter, would the bear still sh!t in the woods where he would otherwise wear what he would where he was when he won one bare bear?

106 posted on 05/30/2003 5:22:37 PM PDT by Robert A Cook PE (I support FR monthly; and ABBCNNBCBS (continue to) Lie!)

To: Robert A. Cook, PE

107 posted on 05/30/2003 5:30:21 PM PDT by MeekOneGOP (Bu-bye Dixie Chimps! / Check out my Freeper site !: http://home.attbi.com/~freeper/wsb/index.html)

To: Robert A. Cook, PE

But were the beast barely smarter, would the bear still sh!t in the woods where he would otherwise wear what he would where he was when he won one bare bear?

Robert, my sweet, it is always such fun when you show up....

108 posted on 05/30/2003 5:42:41 PM PDT by SeaDragon

Let me post my last joke for the night.

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was
getting old and could barely do his job anymore. The farmer figured getting a new rooster
would surely improve egg production. So he bought a young cock from the local rooster
emporium, and turned him loose in the barnyard.

Well, the old rooster saw the young one strutting around, and he got a little worried. "So,
they're trying to replace me," thought the old rooster. "I've got to do something about this."

He walked up to the new bird and said, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think
you're hot stuff, don't you? Well, I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the
better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll
run around it three times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a
match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll
even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy," said the young rooster.

So the race began and all the hens started cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the
old rooster still maintained his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead had slipped
substantially and he was just barely in front of the young rooster. Just as the young rooster
was about to catch up with the old rooster, BANG! The young rooster dropped dead in his
tracks.

Back on the porch of the house was the farmer with a shotgun. As he stood there slowly
shaking his head, he muttered to himself... That's the third gay rooster I've bought this
month."

109 posted on 05/30/2003 5:49:03 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

To: Just another Joe

Good evening folks. Jest sitting back and liten up one of my last hand twisted home grown coffin spikes.

110 posted on 05/30/2003 6:13:31 PM PDT by M.K. Borders

To: M.K. Borders

Good evenin'.
Get you a drink?

111 posted on 05/30/2003 6:14:46 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

To: Just another Joe

112 posted on 05/30/2003 6:15:20 PM PDT by M.K. Borders

To: M.K. Borders

Ah, a man with a discerning taste in brew.
Here ya go.

113 posted on 05/30/2003 6:17:59 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

To: Just another Joe

Oh my! That does look good! Hang on while I go find the fridge.

( The ice box I mean, not the one watchng TV.)

114 posted on 05/30/2003 6:22:26 PM PDT by M.K. Borders

To: A_perfect_lady

Evening all! Anybody still around???

Speaking of cats... I have a cat that seems to have a thing for power tools. Really creeps me out, that...

Whenever I'm in my shop working on some project, she insists on being right square in the middle of the thing I'm trying to cut with the circular saw, or the drill, or the radial arm saw. Somehow she's avoided getting her tail shortened, but only barely.

I'm increasingly of the opinion that she's studying-- learning how to use the tools. It has me a little worried.

115 posted on 05/30/2003 6:23:03 PM PDT by Ramius

That's cats. "You like to watch, don't you?" Still, it is unusual for them to hang around loud, buzzing noises. Is she deaf?

116 posted on 05/30/2003 6:27:07 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Let them eat cake.)

I'm increasingly of the opinion that she's studying-- learning how to use the tools. It has me a little worried.

She's just waiting for the opportunity.
One day you'll come home to a completely changed house.

117 posted on 05/30/2003 6:29:02 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

To: A_perfect_lady

hehehe... yeah, she likes to watch [ahem] all sorts of things. Again, I think it's all research for when they finally make their move and take over.

How, exactly, can you tell if a cat is deaf?

Unresponsive to calling her name - check.
Unresponsive to commands to "get off the table" - check
Unresponsive to me, standing there with the door open "so... did you want to go out or what?" - check

But... put a can of tunafish on the can opener and she can hear that from the next county over. Nope. Not deaf. :-)

118 posted on 05/30/2003 6:33:55 PM PDT by Ramius

To: Just another Joe

One day you'll come home to a completely changed house.

I keep leaving a list of projects for her (new cabinets in the kitchen, refinish the deck, change the oil in the boat). Nothing seems to get done.

119 posted on 05/30/2003 6:37:55 PM PDT by Ramius

I keep leaving a list of projects for her

Her only project is going to be changing your entire living room into one big litterbox.
And, of course, the cat climbs in your bedroom. LOL

120 posted on 05/30/2003 6:43:44 PM PDT by Just another Joe (FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)

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