Free Republic Smokers' Lounge

Puff List ^ | 5/30/03 | francisandbeans

[Just another Joe]

Join the FR smokers lounge bump list...click on the logo

Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...

Smoker's Lounge

Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...

Smoke 'em if you got 'em shssh
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aaaaa,:`___________________________||`,:'.",`.;'`,:'.',`: <--------Life is good!
A very special thank you to Registered for providing us with this fine logo....we will bear it with pride.

[A_perfect_lady]

I guess it's like my dog getting upset when I shovel up her yard decorations. She looks at me like "You bastard I've been working on that all week long."

Wow, I wonder if that's why my cats are so obsessed with shedding on my bed. This never occured to me.

[SeaDragon]

I started out fully clothed and ended up in a ditch, 40 miles from nowhere, a pair of shorts, flip flops, my military ID and just enough money to ride the jeepney back to the base.

LOLOL

Hope you had a good time since we know that at stage #5 you don't remember anything the next day.

[Just another Joe]

I think we can handle that. Will this do?

[Conspiracy Guy]

Our pets work so hard and we undo it. We are barbarians!

[Just another Joe]

I don't remember anything from Friday about midnight to Sunday about noon when I woke up.
People I knew said they saw me Saturday during the day and night and it didn't seem like I was totally gone but I must have been holding it really well.

[A_perfect_lady]

Oh, MY! ZARK?? I don't know this one... why, it sounds just lovely! Yes, thank you, this will do just fine! I normally drink Pomona or Alto Pass, and my mother just loves St. James Velvet something or other (very sweet) but yes, I'd like to try this ZARK.

Something new every day! Thank you!

[Just another Joe]

Oh, MY! ZARK??

No, that's "OZARK", just take out the ", MY!" and you've got it. ;^)

[A_perfect_lady]

I started out fully clothed and ended up in a ditch, 40 miles from nowhere, a pair of shorts, flip flops, my military ID and just enough money to ride the jeepney back to the base.

That's military life. No matter how sauced you are, you know better than to lose that ID! You hold onto that baby after clothes, memory, and dignity are gone. Ahem. I mean, that's what I've heard.

Navy, 1985-1989 Active, 1993-2000 reserve. Et vous?

[Just another Joe]

Navy, 1980 - 1987 Active. 1 1/2 years in Navy schools and 5 1/2 years in the Philippines.
No reserve, I had had enough by that time.

[A_perfect_lady]

I have six cats, all busily landcaping my furniture with even claw furrows, mulching my bedspread with discarded fur, and watering the yard with... well...

They try so hard to make this house and lawn "theirs."

And I try so hard to keep it mine!

[A_perfect_lady]

Oh. Right. Ozark. Missed that "O", thought it was background. (duh.) So... what was your rate? Or were you an Ossifer?

[Conspiracy Guy]

Got 2 cats and a lab all indoors except to relieve. They do let me come in and feed them and like to go out and play. The lab thinks that picking up your keys means she is going for a ride. She loves Toby Keith and George Strait and riding in the boat and of course swimmming.

[Just another Joe]

So... what was your rate?

FTM1, E-6 when I got out.

[Just another Joe]

Here's another one

She's a Man...well No

A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in
hand and as they stroll his lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when
she says "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to have a p!ss".

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he suggests she go behind this hedge. She nods
agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of tight
nylon knickers rolling down voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to
contain his animal thoughts a moment longer he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his
hand touching her leg.

He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment
finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror
"My God Mary have you changed your sex!?"

"No," she replies, "I've changed my mind, I'm having a sh!t instead"

[A_perfect_lady]

I had a cat who would attack the speakers if she heard Axel Rose's voice. Can't say I blamed her.

[Just another Joe]

I like this one although it's probably been seen on this site before.


Peeing in the Snow

President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp,
and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground.

He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered White House lawn and
sees the words "President Clinton sucks" written in pee in the snow. Clinton gets all upset
and calls White House Security. He tells them he doesn't care what it takes but he wants to
know who did this.

The Chief of Security returns in a couple of days to the President and tells him that he has
good news, bad news, and real bad news. "OK," says Clinton, "give me the good news first,
then the bad news, and then the real bad news."

The Chief says: "The good news is after taking analysis of the pee, we know who the culprit
is."

Clinton nods and the Chief continues: "The bad news is the culprit is Vice President Gore."

This really upsets the President, but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him the
real bad news.

The Chief of Security swallows and says, "It's in Hilary's hand writing".

[A_perfect_lady]

Oh goodness, that was disgusting! LOL! Let's bring it back down a notch:

A Southern Belle is at her debutante ball. Alone and nervous, she sees a group of well dressed debs talking and drifts over to them, trying to become part of the group.

Noticing their Northern accents, she says, "Oh mah! What luvly accents y'all have! Where-all are you from?"

Haughtily, one of the North debs replies, "Where we are from, we don't end a sentence with a preposition!"

The Southern deb replies, "Oh... A'm sorry. Well... where-all are you from, bee-yatch!"

[Just another Joe]

All right, I'll bring it down a notch, but just one. LOL

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use
lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would press their lips to the mirror and leave
lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought he'd better do something. He spoke to all the girls that
wore lipstick and asked them to meet him in the ladies room at 2pm.

When they arrived they found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The
principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every
night. He said he felt the ladies would better understand the problem if they saw how hard it
was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a berdaggled brush on a long handle out of a box.
He dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the
lipstick.

[A_perfect_lady]

Oh, that's good. Reminds me of why tourists to Ireland should never, EVER kiss the Blarny Stone!

[Just another Joe]

Reminds me of why tourists to Ireland should never, EVER kiss the Blarny Stone!

Why? What do they clean that with? ;^)